Saturday, April 30, 2005

Student Just Hopes to Make it Out Alive

The cover of my "Crunch Time" study guide says: "Life-Saving Help in the Final Days Before Your Exams."

Really? I might DIE? Oh, my God!

It's crap like this that perpetrates the climate of anxiety and competition during exam time. Feelings of self-worth become inextricably tied to the grades you get. Give me a break. The only people who benefit from this crap are the folks at Barbri, Aspen, and West.

Ugly Juice Located in Study Carrel in Far Corner of Library Basement

Q: Whoa, UJ, it’s been pretty quiet around here. Where the heck have you been?

UJ: Geoff, Matt, and I decided to get away from school, Paperchase-style. We holed up in Matt’s cabin on the St. Croix river, drank a ton of coffee, and studied like total nerds for a few days straight.

Q: Whoa, geeky.

UJ: Yeah.

Q: So, is it true that you’re sending your cats to Hazeldon for treatment?

UJ: That’s right. In retrospect, the signs were all there, but we didn’t realize what a problem it was until I walked into the kitchen today and saw them rolling around in the weed with a crazed look in their eyes. We’re thinking they’ll benefit from a 12-step program.

Q: How long has this been going on?

UJ: Hard to say. Somehow they found a way to get the catnip from the top of the refrigerator.

Q: Dang.

UJ: Yeah. They climbed up on the fridge, found the bag, dumped it out all over the kitchen, and went nuts. Then they passed out.

Q: I understand you’ve taken some time off work.

UJ: I took two-and-a-half weeks off for exams. However, my Starbucks litigation business is ongoing, and I just settled another case on Thursday.

Q: Two more free coffee coupons?

UJ: Yup. Breaking down the corporation, two cups of coffee at a time.

Q: Well, that sounds great, UJ. So, is there any fun scheduled for you in the near future?

UJ: I'm getting out for a few hours tomorrow to go to Dave and Jen’s May Day party at Powderhorn. They’re having some people over for brunch, then we’re going to the parade.

Q: I’ve heard Dave and Jen make killer food.

UJ: Heck yes they do.

Q: Whatever happened with Chuck's campaign?

UJ: It was intense, but he ended up losing. He was competing against about 5 or 6 candidates initially. He tied with a 2L and there was a runoff election, which was called off due to some shenanigans, and then there was a final election, which he lost. I am impressed with how far he got, however; people really responded to our Marxist agenda, and everyone conceded that he had the best publicity campaign.

Q: So, what’s your next exam?

UJ: I’ve got Crim Law Tuesday. It’s a notorious 24-hour take-home exam. We’ve heard from the 2Ls & 3Ls that it will take about 23-1/2 hours.

Q: Dude, that stinks. Well, we’ll let you get back to it. Thank you for taking some time to provide an update for your readers.

UJ: Please tell my readers that I love and miss them and can’t wait to come back.





Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Blogger Considers Moving to UK, Voting Green, Discovers has been Dead for Three Months

It came as a shock when I googled myself earlier and found my own obituary. It was my same exact name, middle initial and everything, and I apparently died in January. Creep-o-la. (Mother-in-law warned me she saw this a few weeks ago, somehow I thought she was joking). Anyway, it makes sense, since I feel like I've been in hell, and am currently in hell. So, what now? (Let this be a lesson to us all to google ourselves more often to avoid this embarassing debacle).

In other news, I took this quiz because I really wanted to know how I should vote if I moved to the UK. The results should come as no surprise to those who really know me and are aware of my unwavering stance on foxhunting.

Who Should You Vote For?

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Liberal Democrat


Your actual outcome:



Labour 7
Conservative -14
Liberal Democrat 70
UK Independence Party -7
Green 72


You should vote: Green

The Green Party, which is of course strong on environmental issues, takes a strong position on welfare issues, but was firmly against the war in Iraq. Other key concerns are cannabis, where the party takes a liberal line, and foxhunting, which unsurprisingly the Greens are firmly against.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Ugly Juice Offers Autographs, If You're Lucky

Folks, if you missed the gallery show at Creative Electric last fall, don't fret. It turns out my worldwide best-selling minicomic, "Gimpy Cat Falls in Love", is on display at the Center for Book Arts as part of the Spot On gallery show.



Also, Shad's comic is the little yellow one, and Zander's is in there ["Foxy Chick"] and Tonya, yours is on display, too.

We're thinking about hiring body guards.

Bush Draws Laughs on "Splash Day" Question

The Associated Press
Tuesday, April 26, 2005; 6:22 PM

GALVESTON, Texas -- President Bush drew laughs from his audience Tuesday when he asked whether the Galveston area still hosts "Splash Day."

The annual beach party that dates to the 1950s does live on--but now as an unofficial gay and lesbian event.

In town to speak about Social Security, Bush told the crowd: "I want to thank the mayor for being here--Lyda Ann Thomas greeted me coming in. I said, 'Do you still have Splash Day?'"

The crowd laughed. "You have to be a baby boomer to know what I'm talking about," Bush said. The crowd laughed again.

Splash Day once marked the end of school and the beginning of summertime fun. The city backed off from it many years ago when it turned a little too wild, says Christy Benson of the Galveston Chamber of Commerce. It later became a party day for gays and lesbians.

Drawing another round of laughter, Bush said: "I'm not saying whether I came or not on Splash Day. I'm just saying, 'Do you have Splash Day?'"

Fleet Farm Employees Amused by "Cute Little Craft Project" Requiring Barbed Wire

(Editor's note: In response to broad public outcry, Ugly Juice has agreed to post occasionally during exams.)

It turns out that barbed wire is only available in ¼-mile increments. I tried to explain that I needed “just a few yards” and that it was for a "little" craft project. (Making centerpieces for today's awards ceremony--we're recreating the Amnesty International logo with candles and barbed wire). The guy just kind of shook his head.

As further proof of my slipping grip on reality, I went to Caribou Coffee today and ordered a grande mocha (using Starbucks’s stupid word for “medium”). Ugh, that is the worst, like asking McDonalds for a “biggie” size. Worse still is the fact that it’s the second time I’ve done that in two weeks. Pathetic.

Ok, so, in other news: the fancy-pants Amnesty International awards ceremony is today (we're presenting our annual human rights award). More importantly, I'm wearing my green and cream tweed spring suit. I have to do just a little bit of talking and help present the awards. Good times.

Also, the exam-studying is fine.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Author Warns of Upcoming Lameness

Bloggy buddies, it's time to buckle down and study for my final exams. I won't be updating the blog for about three weeks. I'll miss you!

Garlicky Beef Goes AWOL on Streets of Northeast Minneapolis

Matt, Summra, Geoff, and I had lunch at Mayslack's, home of the legendary garlicky beef sandwich, today with two of our professors. It was a super fun time. The sandwich is a pound of meat and is about as big as your head. Legend has it that Mayslack, a professional wrestler, marinated the beef in garlic for a full week, and served it just once a week, to a line of people stretching around the block. Also I had a spicy bloody mary, loaded up with plenty of accoutrements (just like JoolieDoolie likes em!), perfect start for a day of studying. Afterwards, I set the container with my leftover sandwich on top of Summra's car while talking, then walked away without retrieving it. She drove off. Dang.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Student Takes Property Class Very Seriously

Today in Property, we got kind of bored talking about easements, so Matt, Geoff, and I started looking at properties for sale online. (I told you we only instant message to enhance classroom activities!) This was Matt's favorite place--check out the wine cellar! But I want to live in the city, so this house was my choice.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Finger-Finder Arrested

It was such a wonderful, disgusting story. Bummer.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Paparazzi Descends on Local Cartoonists

There are three stories this week about cartoonists and Big Time Attic--Southwest Journal, Skyway News, and The Pulse. Here's an article in the Skyway News (check out a nice long quote from my sweetie-pie at the end).

The 24-hour comic marathon starts Saturday at 9:30 a.m. While our geeky husbands geek out comix-style, Julie and I are going to load up on wine and talk about a summer filled with mosaic-making and other fine things. We're going to stop by Grumpy's later for some tater tots. This will be my first time there since the smoking ban, I'm so excited to go and not smell like an ashtray afterwards. It was so bad before. Oh, and there is a comic convention thingy on Sunday. I don't know anything about that. Maybe Shad will post info in the comments.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Ugly Juice Put Out by Hibernating Gnome

Ugly Juice has just been informed that Ask the Gnome has decided to sleep for awhile. What? Why? I protest! How will we know what the gnome is up to? This is a travesty! The gnome's entire captive audience is going to be left sad, lost, lonely, and confused. There are too many unanswered questions for the gnome to simply go away, just like that. No warning, nothing. Poof!

Maybe my bloggy pals don't know it, but I check your blogs every day during class. This keeps me connected with you all. I need to know that you're out there.

Don't make me go back to the pre-blog era!

I couldn't do it!

NNOOOOOO!

Bluggghghaaaaaaaaaaagghghghhghghhghhhh--
araaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhh!!!!!

Monday, April 18, 2005

Student Excited About Upcoming Oral Argument for all the Wrong Reasons

Tomorrow I have oral argument for my Lawyering Skills class. Obviously this is very exciting for me because I get to play dress-up. My partner, Elissa, was just as concerned about the dress code as I was. First we discussed wearing matching pink suits (as always I am eager for the opportunity to wear the Jackie-O hot-pink number) but with the weather so warm we are going with linen suits instead. I am going to pull out the blue silk/linen Laura Ashley suit I got at Unique Thrift. I have probably spent more time planning my outfit than preparing my oral argument. When my mom called tonight, I told her about the upcoming argument. The first thing she said was, "Ooo! What are you going to wear?" Thus, my vanity is validated. Now I will concern myself with how I will do my hair.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Ugly Author Recounts Weekend Adventures in Painstaking Detail

And now, a quick recap of the weekend.

On Friday, Amnesty hosted an event featuring a Muslim woman who had recently graduated from William Mitchell. She spoke about the challenges faced by Muslims in America after 9/11, and spoke specifically to us as future lawyers, what we should know about representing Muslims. She was really great and we served delicious food from the Holy Land deli.

Friday night, we had dinner at our place with Dave and Jenny and my uncle Matt, who lives just a quick bike ride away. Was a great dinner, featuring grilled escolar with a pineapple red curry sauce, grilled portobello mushrooms, and elote (grilled corn slathered in butter, mayo, queso fresco, and cayenne pepper). Dave and Jen brought fancy cheese and olives and tasty cocktails (seabreezes) and there was of course the usual consumption of red wine and beer. The wine was called "Old Fart"--a French Grenache/Syrah blend. Medium-body, fruity, decent, but not great. As usual, I bought it because of the label.



After dinner, we went to the Bell Auditorium to watch the 9:30 showing of "The Fearless Freaks", the Flaming Lips documentary that my friend JoLynn edited. I didn't LOVE it, but it was very good. There is a disturbing, haunting scene of Steven Drozd shooting up on heroin that keeps popping up in my head.

Saturday I took part in my school's public service day. We helped the Central Community Housing Trust paint local affordable housing units/transitional housing etc. Was a super rainy day and it felt nice to get out and do some good in the community with my classmates.

After we were done, I went to the Textile Center for their garage sale. I got there right at 3:00 for the $1/bag sale. Holy cow, was that fun to watch. Women throwing elbows, frantically grabbing stuff and throwing it into bags. It was awesome. I loaded up two bags and found some great dress patterns from the 1960s. I suppose it would have been great to get there earlier before the good stuff was taken, but it was good times anyway.Thanks to Sarah for the tip!

LA invited us over Saturday night for her fabulous curry, which I have been begging her to make for months. I volunteered to bring dessert. I made a tofu cheesecake with fresh fruit and a red currant sauce, which was quite pretty. But then I felt like a jackass for bringing a dessert made of bran and tofu, so I made a pan of brownies, too. I'm glad I did, because the cake was only so-so.



The dinner was super fun. Steve & LA made the always-delicious mock-duck curry and a tempanade spread, Zander & Julie brought a fancy salad, Dave & Jenny made very tasty summer rolls, and Adam and Rita stopped by much later with a delicious homemade key lime pie (ah, yes, many desserts were consumed). Rita is a chef and always makes delicious things. Actually, everyone there makes delicious things and pot-luck-type dinner parties are always fun times.

And now, Sunday. Beautiful day and I'm in the library catching up. I have about 200 pages of Property reading to catch up on; it is the very worst sleep-inducing reading there is. I much prefer the criminal and torts cases which are often scandalous and always fun. Aha! Summra has just arrived...we're heading to a coffee shop to try to keep each other awake while we read.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Communist Propaganda Draws Broad Support on Law School Campus



People are stealing our propaganda to hang on their refrigerators. The publicity director has ordered that we beef up production. We're hoping the T-shirts will be in tomorrow.

Walker Gets Fancy Press

The NY Times is giving us a sneak peak at the new Walker. There's a slide show if you link through the main page. Good news! They're continuing to offer free Thursday nights starting April 28.

Oh! One more thing. Pick up a copy of this week's Pulse and check out a spread from Big Time Attic's upcoming graphic novel, "Bone Sharps, Cowboys, and Thunderlizards."

Husband BUSTED Hiding Ice Cream Bars Behind Bag of Bagels on Top Freezer Shelf

I had such a sweets craving, too, was a most righteous discovery.

Since I'm sure a few of you are coffee addicts like Yours Truly, I'm just going to put this out there--Does the acid in coffee start to break down the skin on the inside of your mouth? Make it all sensitive-like? Skin starts to peel away a little bit? Okay, that's gross, but you know what I'm talking about. If anyone has insight on this topic, please advise. I've decided to abstain from coffee for awhile to test this theory, and I'm dying here. I'm not sure how much longer I can make it (it's been almost a full day).

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Student Excited about Con Law like Little Kid on First Day of School

Whee! We're talking about gay marriage in Con Law tomorrow! Does anyone want to come? We'll say you're a "prospective student" or a visiting relative. It will be like going to the zoo! I wish I had a teeny little camcorder.

Red Wine Debacle Overcome by Efficient Application of Oxy Clean

It's been brought to my attention that some people haven't heard of Oxy Clean! The shame! How do you people get by? Thing is, from time to time, Ugly Juice needs to fully endorse certain commercial products. Here's the thing about Oxy Clean. It amazingly gets red wine out of anything. I have had many a white skirt and carpet saved by this product.

Here's the uncanny chain of events that unfolded the other night: A glass of red wine is spilled on my white carpet. Friend looks up with big, concerned eyes. I smile, no worries, I have Oxy-Clean. I demonstrate this magical product, which eliminates the spot completely. Summra sits down immediately after this, and, commenting on how wonderful Oxy is, crosses her legs and in doing so spills her own glass of red wine all over her light blue linen skirt. Shoot, I say, let's go upstairs and take care of that, and, standing up, I spill a few drops of red wine from my own glass onto my own white linen pants.

Were we on Candid Camera?

(Anyhoo, as you may have guessed, Oxy took care of the whole situation.)

Incidentally, there was a lot of red wine consumed at that party. The Fat Bastard Shiraz was probably my favorite, although we opened a bottle of Two-Buck Chuck (Charles Shaw from Trader Joe's) which was decent. In fact, I could see myself drinking a lot of that.

Does anyone know if there's truth behind the rumor that a Trader Joe's is opening here in the Twin Cities?

Publicity Director Reports "Chuck for President" Campaign Proceeding Smoothly

Actually, there's a lot of competition, but we're definately the most organized. I'm pretty sure no other candidate has a committee. We've got a campaign manager, publicity director, platform chair, and committee members at large. I'll find a photo of Chuck to post sometime, he's one of my favorite classmates--he looks like a lumberjack and is wicked smart. He sits back in class and never seems to take notes, but he makes the best points and is always dead on when he gets called on. Plus, he sits close enough to throw eyes at when Princess 1 and Princess 2 go on their little diatribes. Shad put together a communist-propaganda-looking logo, and we're having t-shirts and stickers printed. As publicity director, I'm rolling out our propaganda campaign this week. Each day a different "news article"...Ugly-Juice-style of course (and worked up all professional-like by Shad)--silly headline, endorsement of oddball groups, and full-text article about why Chuck should be our fearless leader.

Idaho Legislature Passes Bill Commending Creators of Napoleon Dynamite

This is going to be hard to read, so you can go right to the site if you prefer.
Lines 36-44 are my favorite.
IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
HOUSE CONCURRENT RESOLUTION NO. 29
BY WAYS AND MEANS COMMITTEE
1 A CONCURRENT RESOLUTION
2 STATING LEGISLATIVE FINDINGS AND COMMENDING JARED AND JERUSHA HESS AND THE
3 CITY OF PRESTON FOR THE PRODUCTION OF THE MOVIE "NAPOLEON DYNAMITE."
4 Be It Resolved by the Legislature of the State of Idaho:
5 WHEREAS, the State of Idaho recognizes the vision, talent and creativity
6 of Jared and Jerusha Hess in the writing and production of "Napoleon Dyna-
7 mite"; and
8 WHEREAS, the scenic and beautiful City of Preston, County of Franklin and 9 the State of Idaho are experiencing increased tourism and economic growth; and
10 WHEREAS, filmmaker Jared Hess is a native Idahoan who was educated in the
11 Idaho public school system; and
12 WHEREAS, the Preston High School administration and staff, particularly
13 the cafeteria staff, have enjoyed notoriety and worldwide attention; and
14 WHEREAS, tater tots figure prominently in this film thus promoting Idaho's
15 most famous export; and
16 WHEREAS, the friendship between Napoleon and Pedro has furthered
17 multiethnic relationships; and
18 WHEREAS, Uncle Rico's football skills are a testament to Idaho athletics;
19 and
20 WHEREAS, Napoleon's bicycle and Kip's skateboard promote better air qual-
21 ity and carpooling as alternatives to fuel-dependent methods of transporta-
22 tion; and
23 WHEREAS, Grandma's trip to the St. Anthony Sand Dunes highlights a long-
24 honored Idaho vacation destination; and
25 WHEREAS, Rico and Kip's Tupperware sales and Deb's keychains and glamour
26 shots promote entrepreneurism and self-sufficiency in Idaho's small towns; and
27 WHEREAS, Napoleon's artistic rendition of Trisha is an example of the
28 importance of the visual arts in K-12 education; and
29 WHEREAS, the schoolwide Preston High School student body elections foster
30 an awareness in Idaho's youth of public service and civic duty; and
31 WHEREAS, the "Happy Hands" club and the requirement that candidates for
32 school president present a skit is an example of the importance of theater
33 arts in K-12 education; and
34 WHEREAS, Pedro's efforts to bake a cake for Summer illustrate the positive
35 connection between culinary skills to lifelong relationships; and
36 WHEREAS, Kip's relationship with LaFawnduh is a tribute to e-commerce and
37 Idaho's technology-driven industry; and
38 WHEREAS, Kip and LaFawnduh's wedding shows Idaho's commitment to healthy
39 marriages; and
40 WHEREAS, the prevalence of cooked steak as a primary food group pays trib-
41 ute to Idaho's beef industry; and
42 WHEREAS, Napoleon's tetherball dexterity emphasizes the importance of
43 physical education in Idaho public schools; and
44 WHEREAS, Tina the llama, the chickens with large talons, the 4-H milk
1 cows, and the Honeymoon Stallion showcase Idaho's animal husbandry; and
2 WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the
3 Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent
4 resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!" and run the risk of having the "Worst Day of
5 Their Lives!"
6 NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED by the members of the First Regular Session
7 of the Fifty-eighth Idaho Legislature, the House of Representatives and the
8 Senate concurring therein, that we commend Jared and Jerusha Hess and the City
9 of Preston for showcasing the positive aspects of Idaho's youth, rural cul-
10 ture, education system, athletics, economic prosperity and diversity.
11 BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that we, the members of the House of Representa-
12 tives and the Senate of the State of Idaho, advocate always following your
13 heart, and thus we eagerly await the next cinematic undertaking of Idaho's
14 Hess family.
15 BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Chief Clerk of the House of Representa-
16 tives be, and she is hereby authorized and directed to forward a copy of this
17 resolution to Jared and Jerusha Hess, the Mayor of the City of Preston and the
18 Principal of Preston High School.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Student Reads Message Board, Nearly Pees Pants

Okay, this is a long post, brought to you by the Committee to Remove Self-Censorship, for the benefit of anyone looking to kill some time. My buddies and I decided a response was necessary to an ongoing commentary on the message board regarding Fox News. Basically, there was some back and forth about our favorite fair and balanced news network. One student posted a story about a device someone had invented that blocks Fox from your TV. Repubs were up in arms, told us Marxists to just change the channel if we didn't like it, someone responded, it's not about us not liking it, it's about Fox telling outright lies, along with several examples.

Then a student posted this:
I agree with [Snipey]. If a *cable* television viewer doesn't like Fox News, then (s)he should CHANGE THE CHANNEL. It's not network news; it's cable. And, it's a choice. I choose to turn on Fox and Friends in the morning, not CNN or MSNBC or the KARE 11 morning show. If Fox just happens to attract a wide-spread audience, then great. It's just too bad that the other networks haven't yet figured out how to capture their own niche audience.

To which I responded:
"Niche" is appropriate for a talking-heads program, not something that purports to be "news."

And Matt responded:

The point of the article that [one of our Marxists comrades] posted is that Fox news is not just biased, but it tells blatant political lies. The point is not that they have shoddy fact-checking, but that they did not fact-check at all, shoddy or otherwise--they lied. If Fox editors had done even "shoddy" fact-checking, they would have realized that the story about Kerry's statements on his cuticles was not remotely factually grounded. Instead, somebody else had to fact-check Fox's story, so that Fox could retract its story and issue an apology.

News is not entertainment. It is for the purpose of informing people. News may present news in one style or another to meet a target niche's expectations. If Fox's target niche expects lies, then they have found their network.


And Geoff responded:

I agree entirely with the last post about networks needing to find niches. It IS too bad that the other news networks haven't figured out how to get their own niche audience yet.

I have hope for them though. They COULD do it. If they just did what Fox News did - like resort to, you know, pandering - they would really get that core constituency of viewers. The ones who just want to hear somebody tell them what they "knew" all along and call it "news." Hmmmm. Maybe they should call it "knews."

Unfortunately, ABC, CBS, and NBC haven't quite made the leap yet. They might, from time to time, engage in shoddy reporting, like the stuff Dan mentioned. But for the most part, they have attempted to maintain high journalistic standards. Fools. They could learn a thing or two from Rupert Murdoch's crew over at Fox News, where you get to hear the new just the way Scott McLellan would report it! In fact, that could be a daily segment. "The News, with Scott McLellan." On second thought, nevermind. The current administration would never attempt to infiltrate the news media with paid operatves.

Or better, you could parade talking head after talking head on air to shill for the party of your choice!

What's that? Fox News already does that?

Wow. Those glorious bastards! No wonder they have found such a loyal niche!

I think we should just get rid of any pretense of unbiased journalism altogether! Whad'ya say? If all we really want is to be told that we are right, we might as well
stop listening to anyone who might tell us we are wrong. That's the niche, right?


Okay, here's the good part! Snipey responds:

Oh WOW!...liberals really need to grow up (can dish it out but can't take it) and quit the whining! Some of the postings are plain ridiculous. I mean, how do you know what is a lie and what isn't? Were you there when the news happened? Hasn't society over and over again through out history proven that people will hear what they want to hear? I mean look at the abortion issue, euthanasia, capitol punishment, sexual harassment, abuse, and so on. We all accept things on different moral foundations. When a news media reports criminal news such as the recent nation wide manhunt for Stephen Stanko, society is already biased in how they accept the news ("Oh my gosh! There is a rapist/killer loose!!"). Even though he is now caught, people believe he did it. So is the media wrong in their reporting on the manhunt? I mean I have never heard a network say "the police are looking for a suspect in a murder, but viewers, PLEASE remember that the suspect is INNOCENT until proven guilty".

Also, stop crying about the Bush administration and your "black government" theories. Bottom line is the democratic voice of the American people spoke (yes, all those dumb redneck naive uneducated voters) and the country as a whole voted for George W. Bush. (We won't talk about all the felons that voted for the D. Party, I mean why didn't they vote for the R. Party? Oh wait they can't vote). Make sure you get someone of your agenda in office next time (with out the aid of non-eligible voting felons). Also, maybe use more "civil" tactics rather that silly demonstrations with silly signs parading around downtown. I do believe that we as a society can do this.

If you don't like how things are done, please go make changes but don't be bitter and dwell upon the past and start mud slinging because of what certain corners such as the Fox News network has to say. Proposing censorship on media networks such as Fox News is against everything that our country stands for. (Or do we change the rules for whiners?) Or maybe we should follow Nazi/Communism regimes of only certain "truthful" media. This being controlled by whatever Party is in the White House. I mean, come on!

Again, push the remote button on your cable and go watch Dan Rather (I mean CBS) for your "pure" no lie, hidden agenda, middle road, news media. Don't try to tell me or others that I can't watch a certain show because it just all lies, thus wrong (Or am I in this "lies" niche, which I take as being unintelligent, which I DO take offense to and makes me want to....but I won't since I cherish people's freedom of speech). This is a free country, and I don't harass people that I see reading silly things such as the City Pages, because of what you as an American has chosen to read.

It's hard to decide which is my favorite part. I think it's the section about silly signs and silly demonstrations, although the suggestion that liberals get their news from the City Pages is pretty rich. What is a "civil" tactic? Maybe the Bush administration's practice of penning protesters up in certain restricted areas is civil, that's free speech in this country. And what was he going to say near the end there, "makes me want to..." ? You know, the whole thing is really just too good for words, there's not much else I can say. I'll just keep drinking my coffee and try not to pee my pants from laughing so hard.

Feline Friends Perch on Ugly Juice's Ironing Board

Cat Experiences "Chipotle Syndrome" with Tropical Plant

You try to stop going there so much. You know how you're going to feel after you leave, it happens every time, your stomach is going to burst, you feel deposits of lard growing on your midsection, whatever. But you went back, didn't you? You couldn't stay away! The barbacoa beckons, the guacamole makes you swoon, your mouth waters at the thought of the corn salsa, and suddenly, there you are, standing at the counter on another weeknight, ordering up another fat-ass burrito that's going to give you the runs. And so it is with the tropical foliage in our living room. It's been making Car throw up. But she loves it, she can't stay away, and whenever we're gone, she climbs back in there and starts chomping away. Gross. Pukey MacPukers.

Speaking of Chipotle, I had an amusing experience there today. I walked into the restaurant and saw one of Greg's clients from the law office, I gave him a quick smile and then stood in line. He loitered around the doorway for a minute and then came up and started talking to me, something about the book he was reading, asked me a few questions, small talk, whatever. Then he said, "So...do you work downtown?" And I suddenly realized, he had no idea who I was and (if I may be so bold to suggest) was trying to hit on me! What? There was a slight awkward moment as I told him I worked for Greg and had actually worked on his file quite a bit (I think I wrote his appellate brief)(I didn't tell him that)(Disconcerting, I suppose, to have someone you were hoping to ask on a date suddenly tell you they know pretty much your entire history).

Monday, April 11, 2005

"The Fearless Freaks" Premier this Weekend

"The Fearless Freaks," a documentary about the Flaming Lips, is premiering this weekend at the film festival. My supertalented buddy JoLynn edited it. It was a big hit at South by Southwest. It's showing this Friday, April 15 at 9:30 p.m. and Saturday the 16th at 7:15 at Bell Auditorium. You can buy tickets online in advance. We're going Friday night.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Exploding Purse Situation Resolved by Creation of Bigger Better Bag

So, these are two of the bags I made this weekend. The big one is mine, the smaller one is for Arica. I also made a tote for Summra, it looks a lot like the tote in the photo but it's made to fit her laptop. Fun times. The "Whiskey Sour 90 Calories" thing is a weird little embroidered hanky I picked up at an estate sale. The sale was $5 a bag so I just threw it in. What does it mean?

LA and -s. Meet in "Sort-of Awkward Moment"

As diligent blog-readers know, LA and -s. are frequent readers and commenters on Ugly Juice. Little did I know, -s. had linked through to LA's blog and had become a religious reader of it (because, as some of you know, LA's blog is a super sweet read with delicious rants on everything from the Pope to Duran Duran and with frequent reports of her cats' clandestine love affairs besides). Well, tonight LA and -s. were both at the Spot On! gallery show, and were talking, and LA said something about her pregnancy and -s. added that up with something LA had previously said, and was like, hey, I feel like I know you...are you...Ask the Gnome??? Ah...the beauty of the blog. I love it.

The DDR party was really fun. Here's a photo of Summra & Matt concentrating real hard:



Ugh. I can't fall asleep tonight! (Check out the time, below) ....what is up?

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Crummy Day Turned Upside Down By Arrival of Peeps

So, I was pretty cranky yesterday about the paper, I woke up at 5 to shut myself in a basement room to work on it, and I emerged just before 1pm, to go upstairs where I saw that it was a beautiful sunny day and I was totally missing out. That, and just general disgust about the quality of the paper, made me so dang cranky I could hardly stand it.

But THEN, I arrived home, and there, sitting in the living room is a huge box from overseas! I ripped into it and found tons and tons of PEEPS!!!!!!!!!!!!! The holy grail of Peeps! The mother lode!

Glorious! I'm so excited.

I'm gonna open them all up so they start to get stale.

THANKS DEBI & LEON!!!!!

Kittens Turn Out to be Total Lesbians

Car and The Wiz love each other! After dealing with some initial dominance issues, Car taught The Wiz how to play hide-and-seek and they've been playing and chasing each other around all night.

I found an armoire on Craig's List! A guy gave it to me for free. It's pretty ugly, but kind of neat, too. (Hey, ya'll know how I love the ugly). Toby and I went to Forest Lake to get it, and it looked like a coffin when we put it in the back of the car.

Oh, and I sewed a new bag for myself tonight. I'll post a photo soon.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Wife Shamelessly Brags About Spouse

Here's another reminder about the Open Book opening tomorrow! I'll be there early in the night, until about 7:30.

Also, NPR did a story about the book Big Time Attic is drawing. Check it out, it's called "Bone Sharps, Cowboys, and Thunder Lizards." There's a free preview coming out for Free Comic Book day in May, and I'm not sure when the whole thing will be done, but I'm sure Shad will tell us.

Spot On: The Art of Zines and Graphic Novels

Star Tribune Foundation Gallery
At Open Book
1011 Washington Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN 55415
612.215.2520
www.mnbookarts.orgDATES: April 9 - June 25, 2005

Exhibit is free and open to the public.

OPENING RECEPTION: Saturday April 9, 2005, 6 - 9 pm
Eat, drink, mingle and shop the special sales tables

Writing Prof Pukes All Over Student's Motion, Student Not Surprised

Okay, not really. I turned in that big old motion, it was truly awful, but it's done. Was a very humbling experience. So, tomorrow I REFUSE to look at any school things. Will only do things that are fun and unrelated to school. I am going to sew a new bag for myself (current purse=pathetic and bursting at seams), clean my house, and do about three weeks' worth of laundry (the dang laundry fairy went missing again). In early afternoon, Chuck is coming over for a photoshoot. Chuck is a very cool classmate of mine, he looks like a lumberjack and is wicked smart. He's running for President of our student government and I'm his publicity director. At 6, we're going to the Open Book for Shad's gallery opening. After that, my school buddies are coming over for Dance Dance Revolution and drinking all night. It's a beautiful day outside! I'm glad I'm not stuck in the library anymore.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

New Kitty Might Be Eaten Alive

So, we're keeping Car and The Wiz away from each other for awhile on advice from LA. An article Shad read said we should feed them close to each other (on either side of the door) so they can get used to each others' presence. Car, as expected, is PISSED. She's been growling, pacing, and making all sorts of threatening sounds that I've never heard before. The Wiz isn't quite sure what to make of it. She's such a sweet kitty. So she stands on the dinning room side of the door, quietly watching while Car reaches her little paws under the door and growls and moans. Every once in a while The Wiz would turn her head to look at me as if to say "WTF, mate?" and then turn back. I wonder how long we'll have to keep them separated?

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

New Kitty Just Lays Around a Lot



Here's The Wiz. All she does is lounge around. Shad said this morning she laid down on Kevin's jacket and stayed there. Bo-ring.

Shad reports that Car is home and that she is "flustered." Poor little girl.

Spouse Takes Advantage of Student's Extended Absence to Smuggle New Creature into Home: Woman Concerned About Becoming "Cat People"

The Stwalls are suckers for stray cats. So when this mangey black kitty showed up at their door several days in a row, they couldn't turn her away. Somehow, the kitty ended up in my house. First of all, Car is going to be pissed, because she's been at the vet for two days getting her womanly things tied up or whatever, and she's going to come home to find this new creature eating out of her dish. Secondly, the cat doesn't know how to meow properly. The sounds she makes are something between a lamb bleat and a quack. I can't quite figure it out. However, she is very affectionate and cuddly. She follows us around and likes to be held. She forces her head under my hand so that I'll start petting her. She likes to nuzzle. I'm not quite sure what to do with that. She really respects our persons, doesn't bite or scratch or anything. Weird. So very unlike Car. She's kinda jumpy though. And kinda classy. We named her The Wiz. She's so very sweet, I'm sure I'll enjoy having her around, I'm just getting over some initial shock about having another creature in the house. There are, after all, a lot of creatures in my house these days.

I hope Donn is proud. He was not shy about hassling us about getting a pal for Car.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Artistic Husband Doesn't Know How to Use Those Newfangled Calendar Thingys

My school buddies are coming over Saturday night to celebrate the completion of our writing projects, drink lots of booze, and jam Dance Dance Revolution all night. Shad gave the go-ahead on this plan despite the fact that Big Time Attic has art in a gallery opening the same night. Urg. The DDR party will take place nonetheless, but we'll be going to the show beforehand. You all should stop by to see another reason why I think my husband is so dang cool. Did I mention it's free?

Spot On: The Art of Zines and Graphic Novels
Star Tribune Foundation Gallery
At Open Book
1011 Washington Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN 55415
612.215.2520
www.mnbookarts.org
DATES: April 9 - June 25, 2005
Exhibit is free and open to the public.

OPENING RECEPTION: Saturday April 9, 2005, 6 - 9 pm
Eat, drink, mingle and shop the special sales tables

Readers Reminded not to Underestimate Entertainment Value of Classroom

Since the self-sensor is off, I'm going to pass this along. Snipey had posted some Fox News article on the message board about homosexual women who had complained about discrimination in the Mrs. America pageant because they are unable to compete, as they cannot marry. Someone responded that pageants are meat markets.

Snipey responds:

As a husband of a Mrs. Minnesota contestant, I would have to strongly disagree with your assertion that it is a "meat market". The Mrs. America program is run different from the Ms. Pageants so I propose you do some investigating before making comments that it is a "meat market".

Pageants are a celebration of feminine beauty, not a meat market. But that is why this encourages diversity, people are free to have what ever pageants that they might want...


I think he was implying that lesbians can make their own pageant if they want to.

Got home last night and went upstairs to say hi to Shad, etc., and I checked the discussion board where I found the above message. I laugh my ass off and read it aloud to Shad. Of course, being a former pageant queen, I felt compelled to respond. My main question is how much research do you have to do to learn that a pageant is not a "meat market" and is, in fact, a "celebration of feminine beauty"? Because I've spent the last several years laughing about the pageant I was in, justifying it because of the scholarship money, etc. But as my recent conversation with my prof suggests (er, I deleted that entry, back in the self-censorship phase), some people unabashedly consider it a meat market. And hey, why not? As much as I like to think that my "feminine beauty" was being celebrated when I was standing up on that stage in a bathing suit and heels (I was in somewhat better shape back then) it would have been just as well for someone to wrap me up in cellophane and slap a USDA approved label on my ass. As I've said, my only regret is that I don't know where my sash is these days, it was a fun experience. Anyhoo, further research on the Mrs. Minnesota pageant shows that they don't even have a talent competition, which further supports an assertion, in my opinion, that it is a meat market. Their competitions are 50% Interview, 25% Evening Gown, and 25% Physical Fitness. (Miss America, by way of comparison, is 40% talent, 30% interview, and 15% each Evening Gown and Physical Fitness). Snipey says Mrs. Minnesota is run differently. I didn't check out what their physical fitness component entails, but I suspect the contestants are not doing push-ups and running relay races? I digress...

So, I start posting a response immediately to ol' Snipey. Shad knows of course what I'm thinking. He also knows it is generally my policy these days NOT to respond to him. After all, he doesn't seem to need much help looking like an idiot. When I start typing, Shad suspects what I'm up to and, in the tone of voice we use when Car jumps on the kitchen table, suggests that I walk away, walk away. Which I did.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Student Gives Quick Shout out from Library

Am in the library continuing to slave away on the paper. Am kind of boring these days.

Car is getting the baby-making machine taken out tomorrow. Poor little munchkin. No more looking longingly out the window at the neighborhood manx (I hope). No more strange loud moan-y noises in the middle of the night (I hope). Also maybe (and this isn't hoping, it's dreaming) this operation takes care of some of her behavioral...er, issues. I feel kind of sad and strangely guilty about it. She is just a little girl, after all.

In other news, I needed to get into the student office suite this morning and my card wouldn't work, so I had to ask one of the security guards to let me in. He made me wait five minutes, until he finished his online chess game. Seriously. The room I was asking to be let into was about a 30-second walk. Now I'm (mostly) patient, but doesn't that just seem silly?

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Daylight Saving an Unwelcome Surprise

I was so pleased to make it to the library before 8 a.m. Imagine my dismay to see that the clock on my computer had moved forward. I can't even believe I lost an hour of precious study time.

I bought a 30-cup percolator at Bibles for Missions Thrift Center for $3.99 I'm going to figure out how to brew coffee and make a big ol' pot down in the student lounge today. It's going to be a long day.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Blogger Informs Readers About Fun New Distraction

Okay, just one more thing and then I'm going to buckle down for the weekend and write this motion, it's 70% of my grade. If you go to www.newsmeat.com, you can see all political contributions made by your favorite celebrities!

Also, have you heard about the "Minute Men"? I think it's really, really scary. They are not officially condoning the use of arms, but what can we expect to happen? I think it's going to be violent and horrifying--a mass of righteous people traveling great distances to "defend" our country or whatever they think they are doing? Are they really going to peacefully turn people around?

Student Busted While Instant Messaging During Class

Matt has been trying to get me on IM for months, and I finally consented. Within 2 days, Geoff and I were busted while trying to suppress giggles during Crim Law. Thankfully, Geoff provided excellent representation on our behalf. Matt, sitting on the other side of the room, got off scott-free.