Summer Associate Busted for Sending Obscene Emails to Self

Today I was doing some Lexis research on punitive damages and I ran across a fun case involving the Dave Matthews Band. A few years ago, the Dave Matthews Band tour bus emptied its human waste container over the Chicago bridge and into the river below. Ill-fatedly, a cruise ship just happened to be passing below the bridge at that time. The waste landed on the ship, covering the passengers in human excrement. Nice.

I laughed out loud.

I sent the case to myself via email, and in the subject line I wrote: "Human Shit Case."

The Firm quarantined the email. I immediately got an email from our tech support peeps saying that someone was trying to send me a message with potentially offensive content. Then I got another email lecturing me about the firm's email policy (no obscenities, no attempts to represent the firm using inappropriate comments, no using the firm email for non-business related stuff, etc.). Crap! How embarrassing. I had to contact tech support to tell them that I had sent the potty-mouth message to myself, and please release it from quarantine.

Now I'm totally freaked out that the firm is monitoring my emails. I am so inappropriate. How embarrassing.

If you're interested, the case is: MERCURY SKYLINE YACHT CHARTERS v. THE DAVE MATTHEWS BAND, INC., 2005 U.S. Dist. LEXIS 29663. (Totally not blue-booked, because it's my personal blog, dammit).

Family Travels to Exotic Rochester, MN

My cousin Adam got married this past weekend in exotic Rochester, MN. My whole family was there. Fun times all around.

Having Given Up War on Crime, Minneapolis Turns Attention to More Important Issues

The City of Minneapolis has finally decided to devote resources to the most pressing issues facing the municipality.

Now, some of you may not truly understand the underlying problems that threaten to destroy the very foundations on which this great city was built. In your simplicity, you might think that our quality of life could be improved by devoting resources to such useless endeavors as fighting crime, combating homelessness, or funding schools, children's health care or public libraries.

Silly you. Obviously, you do not understand the subtle yet sinister issues that are slowly but steadily working to undermine this great city.

I'm talking about buckets, people. Pails. Specifically, five-gallon pails. Finally, Minneapolis has responded to this critical issue by dispatching teams of inspectors to tirelessly patrol the streets in search of this ubiquitous nuisance. They are determined to track down every last instance of bucket use with the goal of eradicating buckets from the city altogether.

Thank God.

Mothers, you can sleep well tonight.

From now on, citizens of Minneapolis will have to keep their bucket use private, just as they should have been all along. Thanks to the city's dedication to eliminating all public bucket use, unscrupulous individuals who would flash their buckets in the wide open air will be duly reprimanded, cited, and charged a fee to have the buckets returned to their garden sheds.




No. That's not a joke. I couldn't even make this up. We received two nuisance letters from the City of Minneapolis. This one requested that we pick up "pails" as well as other materials that happen to be in the yard because we are working on some landscaping projects. The second letter demanded that we cut all grasses and weeds that are more than 8" high.

The letters indicate that I have one week to abate these issues. Are these people serious? Now I can't work on a damn landscaping project? I can't cover my unfinished projects with tarp? I can't leave two buckets in my yard while I work on the projects???


The Offending Buckets

My favorite part is that the letters indicate that if I fail to abate the conditions within the week that they give me, they will send someone out to do it for me and send me a bill. They will actually send someone out to put the buckets in the garden shed for me.

Now, I'm not saying that my yard is in perfect condition. I'm not saying I don't have grasses or weeds that are more than eight inches tall. I do. I call them native grasses, and I rather like them. We can't mow them. Apparently the City of Minneapolis prefers that I get a weed-wacker to get rid of those native species and replace them with some crap from Bachman's? I think what bugs me the most is that these things usually result from a neighbor complaint. Who is complaining about my yard? It looks perfect from the front. The neighbor kid mows it regularly. People are really that petty, aren't they?

I'm going to call the city tomorrow to discuss the issue. I will try very, very hard not to laugh. There are crack houses down the street, and they are giving me a citation for my damn buckets. Buckets. Really! Buckets!!!! I just really don't even know how to respond to that.

New Sewing Machine Dies After One Week

I made a little sundress. I had to finish it on the old machine though, because the Shark Intelli-Sew broke. How irritating.



I used an old favorite dress for a pattern.



I can't believe my new sewing machine broke. Things are stacking against me. The speeding ticket, the bucket citation, and now the sewing machine. *sniff*

Internet Quizzes Turn Out To Be Totally Dumb

I'm the second of seven children, as many of you know. I have lost all faith in the value of internet quizzes. Where can I turn?

You Are Likely an Only Child

At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated. At work and school, you do best when you're organizing. When you love someone, you tend to worry about them. In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic. Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management. You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books.

The Birth Order Predictor

Woman Reads A Bunch of Really Depressing Books

I found time to read this week. I devoured the first three books in the Barefoot Gen series. Anyone read them? I've heard there are ten books in all, but only four of them have been translated into English. These are autobiographic Japanese graphic novels (OK, ok. Manga.) about the author's experience as a resident of Hiroshima and as a survivor of the atomic bombing. The books are absolutely harrowing, and I couldn't put them down. Highly recommend.

I'm reading two books at the same time right now. I don't usually do that, but I was feeling too impatient about getting through the to-read pile. The first book is Blood, Beaches, and Ballots, by Dr. Gilbert Mason. Mason was a black doctor and civil rights leader in Biloxi, Mississippi. I learned about some of the segregation history in that area during spring break, so I was excited to learn about the book and read a bit more. The other book I'm reading is A Sunday at the Pool in Kigali, by Gil Courtemanche. It's a tragic love story set in Rwanda during the 1994 genocide.

Wow, I read really depressing things, don't I? I wonder what that's all about.

Speaking of reading and I know this is random, but check out Blonde Justice's post, "Freedom of Speech, Explained" for a good laugh.

Neighborhood Kid is Apparently Taking Violin Lessons

I have a renewed appreciation for what my family went through during the several years I took violin lessons. I can understand why the kid's family asked him to go outside, but it really isn't fair to the rest of us.

Woman Gives Stomach Pop Quiz

I have a strong stomach. Really. I can and will eat just about anything and I can talk about blood, guts, and puking while consuming a meal no problem. But the uni (sea urchin) with quail egg I ate at lunch today tested my limits.



I can still taste that egg yolk in my mouth.

A Complete Lunatic?

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts. You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary. But you sure can beat a good drum. "Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

Opinions Needed for Chair Reupholstering Project

I picked up a chair I found on the side of the road a couple of days ago--one of those 1950s-style kitchen chairs with metal legs. I am going to reupholster the seat and the back, but I can't decide which fabric to use. Opinions? (I'm personally favoring #3.)

#1



#2



#3

Woman Develops Inexplicably Hostile Attitude Toward Patterns

This is the skirt I made yesterday. I don't know why I refused to use a pattern. It worked out fine, but patterns do help ensure that the things don't turn out all funky. For example, by putting these little pleats on the sides, I feel like the front kind of looks like an apron. But I thought the fabric was so swell I didn't want to break it up with a bunch of pleats. Maybe I'll just wear it today and see how it feels.

Books in Sky Lounge Sit Unread

Very little reading is occuring this summer. Stacks of books are piled all over the Sky Lounge, and feeling rather neglected. First, there is this stack of books that accumulated last semester.



Then there is this stack that I picked up at the library after I turned in my last exam.



But the good news is I did finish that Joan Didion book I had been plodding my way through for about four months.

Summ Goes to LA, Juice Consoles Self by Buying New Sewing Machine

Quite late Wednesday night I called Summ to announce that I would be picking her up at 7 a.m. to treat her to a tasty eclair at Butter before she flew out to LA that afternoon. I'm sure she thought I was joking, as Summ and I, despite our unbelievable optimism and dream to one day be morning people, have a complete inability to get our butts out of bed with a smile on our faces before 8 a.m. When I get up that early I feel like I have discovered an amazing new world. It astonishes me to see cars on the roads.

Anyhoo, I did get my butt out of bed, and was on the road by 6:45 a.m. I called Summ "Hmmmrrrhhggghhhh???" and told her to get some clothes on. So, I bagged her and we went to Butter, which is about a 10-minute drive from her house. It was early--7:15/7:30 or so, and we were drinking fancy coffees and eating eclairs and no one was around. Suddenly, we see her roommate Erin and John walking into the bakery. What are the odds? That was so weird. First, because we felt like we were in some insane early morning magic hour, second, no one else was around, third, Butter is kind of an out-of-the-way place. Weird. Anyhoo. We went back to Summ's house and she told me she had some stuff for me. We went into her house and she proceeded to load me up with a bunch of her home-brew Indian curries. YUM! It will make her absence a little bit easier to be able to cook her food...



I received my first paycheck on Wednesday. It's the first time I've gotten a paycheck in several months, so I was pretty psyched. I promised myself months ago that I would buy myself a new sewing machine and a new digital camera with my first paycheck. As fate would have it, on the day I got that paycheck, I was stuck at work until 9 p.m. ... so no shopping could occur that night. Groan! Last night we went to Costco to get the sewing machine--I wanted one just like Sarah's--but they no longer carried them. Instead, we got one at Target. I've never heard of the brand, Shark, but I was so determined to get a sewing machine that I got it anyway. It has lots of fancy stitches on it. I started to sew a skirt today on it, and it is working really well. I don't demand much from a sewing machine. For years, I've been using my mom's old ones, both from the 1970s or 80s, and they work great. But I wanted some fancy stitches.

In other news, the top of my foot got stomped on by a high heel the other day and it is swollen and bruised. Grody. Also, I left my lights on all day yesterday and had to get my car jump-started, and then I got a speeding ticket about 45 minutes later, which TOTALLY SUCKS because I NEVER had a speeding ticket until last August, and then I negotiated a continuance for dismissal with the prosecutor on that one, and the deal was that I couldn't get another speeding ticket within the year. So now I got two damn speeding tickets within a year, and they are both going on my record, and my insurance is going to cost a million dollars a month. So that sucks. Other than those things though, life has been pretty swell.

Finally I have a weekend with not much going on. Shad, Tim, and Jon have been working in the yard all day and I've been sewing and drinking gimlets. I ran to the grocery store this afternoon and got some big fat steaks. I'm marinating some vegetable skewers for dinner and we'll grill those steaks and I'll make a caprese salad. I also made some homemade guacamole. I'm thinking about making some brownies, too. Hmmmmmm....







Tomorrow I'm meeting Geoff for coffee, then I'm going to hole up in a coffee shop for awhile to write a brief for work. I wouldn't have to work on it outside of normal office hours, but it is really hard to get work done while I'm there.

I Hear They Have Great Beaches in Turkey

You're Turkey!

You have a good deal of history behind you, both good and
bad, but through it all, you've become a leader among your friends.  You
have an uncanny ability to make friends with people who hate each other, though
sometimes you just hate them instead.  Surprisingly fickle, you keep a
good balance in your life between religion and humanism, but most people think
you're fanatical anyway.  You're Istanbul, you're Constantinople.


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid