Woman Unleashes Fury Over Stupid Sign-Makers

Every time I visit a Wells Fargo ATM, which is about twice a week, more or less, I see this sign that drives me INSANE. It says something to the effect of "These instructions are in braille for our non-sighted customers."

What is wrong with those people? What the HELL is a non-sighted customer? A customer you haven't seen yet? Why don't they just say "blind," for Pete's sake? It is OK to say "blind." There is no need to make up some stupid ambiguous seemingly more-PC word for it. Right? Am I missing something? I would switch banks over this issue if I didn't like Wells Fargo so much.

And OK. OK. I said I wasn't going to blog about my job. But I can't hold this in anymore: The signs on the bathrooms have misplaced apostrophes.

They say:

Mens
Women's

and on some floors:

Men's
Womens

What are MENS? WHAT is/are it/they?!? You can't pluralize men! You just can't pluralize a plural! Just like you can't double stamp a triple stamp! Arrrrggghhhh!

When I first saw the signs I thought, holy shit, are these people serious? I can't work here. This is a sign. But I love this firm so much! This can't be a sign...Are they testing me? Yes. They are testing me. NO! Better yet. It's a joke! Get it... mens? Latin for "mind"? Like mens rea? No...that doesn't explain "womens." And it's a pretty stupid joke. What I really don't understand about the situation is that the firm is so professional in every way. Suits every day, super high work product standards, high ethical standards, etc. In fact, they have a writing coach for us summer associates and had a writing workshop for us and gave us some books to read on writing and style. If they care so much, how can something like this happen? How? I approached the recruiting partner about the issue. I told him it would probably only cost $20 to fix the problem. He agreed that it would only cost $20 to fix the problem. I got the impression that (1) he thought I was a nut-job and (2) it just wasn't worth it to him to fix it. I then approached the partner who had taught the writing skills seminar. Surely he would care, right? He said the signs had bothered him for years, but that he had become apathetic about the issue and had just learned to ignore them. How can this be? How can all of these highly educated people just ignore the blatant apostrophe abuse that exists before their very noses?? I hope they give me a job offer at the end of the summer. Primarily because it is such a sweet place to work and I love it. Secondarily, because I will make it my personal mission to change those signs.

Juice Soon to be Auntie!

My sister Kate is going to be a momma in 7 months. I'm soooooooo excited to be an auntie! That kid is going to be spoiled rotten. I can't wait!!!!

Enterprising Kid Walks off With Rake

This entry got a bit long. I'll break it up into chapters so you can easily skip over any boring parts.

Chapter 1. The neighbor kid is driving me crazy

I've been paying the neighbor kid to work in the yard. He's mowing the lawn and filling some of my flower beds with those lava rocks we picked up last winter. The problem with the neighbor kid is that he won't leave me alone. He's 12 years old. He's always knocking on my door asking to borrow my rake or my lawnmower (to mow the neighbors' yards), asking for a glass of water or to use my phone, etc. I want to be nice to the kid and support his enterprising nature--I'd rather have him mowing lawns and making some money for himself than selling drugs or getting into trouble--but I also need him to stop knocking on my door and asking to use my stuff. Plus last time he borrowed my rake he kept it for weeks and I had to chase him down to get it back. I want to relax when I'm at home, and I can't do that when he's knocking on the door all the time. I also wonder a little bit if he's manipulating me. He asked if I had any work for him to do because he needed to buy kitty litter for his kitty (he knows I have cats...so may have thought it was a soft spot?); and last night when he asked to use my phone I said "Why can't you use your own phone?" and he said it was disconnected. These things might be true, but why is he coming to me? I'm not that worried about the situation, but it's just annoying. Maybe I'll just keep my eye out for a cheap lawnmower at a garage sale and let the kid buy it off me by doing some yard work.

Chapter Two: Work is swell and I've been really busy

The job is keeping me really busy, and I've been exhausted when I come home, but I'm loving it. I am doing really fun work and I received great feedback on my first assignment, so that is helping my confidence a little bit.

Chapter Three: Grades are in.

Grades are in. I bit it in Evidence as expected, but I did OK on the rest. I actually got an A in Jurisprudence, which was really shocking considering how much of my answer was one long political rant about the way Israel handles Palestinian terrorists and their families. Usually not the way to go, especially since my views are quite different from the prof in question, but I couldn't stop myself. (The prof threw us a curve ball by giving us an exam question that required analysis of a case decided by the Israeli Supreme Court. Deep sighs all around...aren't we preparing to practice in the American court system?)

Chapter Four: UPS SUCKS

One more thing. UPS Sucks. Just use US Mail, people. They have very low rates of error, they are cheaper, and they get the job done. And if they can't leave a big package for you, they'll just keep it at your local post office for you to pick up. Stupid UPS leaves boxes at your back door if you're not home. Moreover, sometimes they put it at the back door AND hide it a little bit. (Isn't that what happened to you, Julie?). We very rarely use our back door, and there have been a few times when we've stumbled upon a package back there that had been left several days or weeks before. Yesterday Shad was in the back yard and he spotted a beat-up looking box behind the air conditioner. We opened it and it was a care package addressed to me and stuffed full of goodies for my final exams. It was dated April 27. So it had been out in the damn rain etc. for a whole month before we found it. DUMB! Couldn't they at least follow up with a phone call or leave a little post-it on the door? Plus I'm extra pissed because I probably would have done better on my Evidence exam had that caramel corn reached me in time.

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Juice Spends Weekend Sitting on Ass and Drinking

Hey everyone. Things are good. It's lovely to have a weekend where I don't have to wait tables or think about homework or anything. Absolutely lovely.

Last night after work The Firm took us out for happy hour drinky drinks, and then I went to Shad's studio to gear up for Art-a-Whirl. Summ & joLynn caught up with us and we grabbed dinner at Mexico y Mexico before crawling through some of the Nordeast art studios. We had some good times looking at great paintings, jewelery, old accordions, etc., drank tasty wine and chatted up some artsy fartsy folks. Oh, and Summ bought me a lovely pair of vintage glass bead earrings. Love Art-a-Whirl. Then we bagged another friend, Abby, and went to Psycho Suzi's to drink tasty cocktails for several hours.

Today was pretty low-key. I paid the neighbor kid to take care of the lawn, which freed me up to sit on my ass for most of the day. In the afternoon I went to a BBQ at Monica's and drank way too much with my school buddies, Mike and Jason. Then I headed over to Dave and Jenny's for the rest of the night--they recently got married and had a fun little reception at their place.

Let's see, I think that's about it. Oh yeah, and I've been doing some sewing recently. You might notice something special in that first picture--the wreath has been taken off the front door. Yes, folks. We're getting our act together here in North Minneapolis.

Cats Start Eating Each Other When Owners Deprive Them of Food

I'm concerned about the vet's advice to "keep Car hungry." She is going nuts, and I've had to pry her off The Wiz several times tonight. I finally just gave up.

Unlike the kitties, I have been eating well. They firm has been taking me out for delicious and fancy lunches every day. I am attempting to combat the food consumption by pounding the pavement after work. Tonight I went for a long walk with my good friend Stacy, who lives a few blocks north of me. She is going to be giving birth to a baby girl in just six weeks.

I promised myself I'd go to bed early this summer. 10:30 at the latest. That hasn't exactly been working out. I've been getting up early, and it's hard to get used to. I am such a night owl (but not as bad as Shad). So, I'm going to hit the hay now. Toodles!

New Job is Swell

Hi all. I finished my first day at my new job. It was a great day. First I had to deal with my insomnia problem (was rather dragging through the day as a result of being awake for three hours last night after going to bed at 10:00) which made the day-long orientation (computer training, filling out HR forms, etc.) difficult. I love the firm, the other summer associates are great, and it looks like it will be an energy-packed summer. I had a delicious and fancy lunch at Masa, and after work we went out for happy hour.

I'm sorry but I don't plan to discuss my job too much this summer, because I fear things like this. As you know I'm paranoid about school/work peeps finding my blog so I'm just not going to talk about it. But let me just say it is going to be high energy, challenging, and fun. But man, am I exhausted. I wish I had a longer break between school and the new job. *sigh*

Oh, I did find out today that last year's summer associate class had placed bets on the collective weight gain of the class. I've been warned by numerous associates at the firm that due to the various events (daily lunches plus dinners/happy hours) people gain tons of weight. GREAT. Just great. Apparently the average weight gain last year was six pounds per person over the course of 12 weeks. Super duper. But, lunch today was delicious...

One more thing. OMG, everyone was wearing a black suit today. I felt like a freak wearing pinstripes. And I had little pleats in my skirt, which started to seem kinda freakish, too. Actually, one girl was wearing a gray suit. I thought I could slip in a pink suit, or even Fiona (my light green tweed suit), but it is going to be difficult. I'll wear my taupe suit tomorrow and see how that goes over. I thought it might be kind of nice to just throw on a suit every day--not have to worry too much about the wardrobe etc., but actually, that bums me out. I love clothes too much to wear suits all the time. I feel like I'm in costume.

Kitty Stressed Out

Apparently Car is stressed out. This sounds like a bad joke, really. How the hell can my CAT be stressed out? All she does is sit around and wrestle The Wiz. I brought her to the vet today because she has lost a ton of hair on her backside. She's got big bald patches on her back and her butt and her hind legs. I thought maybe it was fleas or a skin parasite or something. She's looking really mangey.

The vet looked both kitties over and saw no signs of fleas, and he did some other tests and found no other parasites or anything. From the looks of it, he said, she is just working her own hair off. And then from constantly licking at her fur, she got infection in her hair folicles, so now she's got some itchy scabs on her skin. Poor kitty! He said "I notice she's pretty high-strung" and suggested that we might consider giving her valium if the problem continues. For now, though, we're supposed to keep her a little bit hungry (so she can direct her attention to an external worry--food), and he prescribed her some codeine that we're supposed to give her twice a day. The codeine is supposed to alleviate the itching. Anyone know a good kitty therapist?

Update: I had the medications messed up. The vet prescribed her a hydrocortizone pill, and another pill, Clavamox, to treat the infections. No codeine. My bad.

Jogger Killed by Alligator

I hate running. I don't know why I do it. Well, I don't do much of it, that's for sure. Anyhoo, here's another great excuse to keep the running shoes in the closet. I'll file that away next to random attacks by pit bulls, destroying your body, and just generally being boring.

Sleepless Woman Plays Show and Tell

I can't sleep lately. It's pretty bad...two or three hours of staring at the ceiling several nights a week. I've had the problem for the past month or so. I think it would help to stop drinking coffee at stupid times. But it also happens when I haven't had any caffeine at all. Blech. Anyhoo, how 'bout a little insomnia show & tell? What else do I have to do?

Last weekend I was studying in the Sky Lounge and feeling sorry for myself. I decided to take a break to whip up a little patchwork pillow using some vintage handkerchiefs I had picked up at estate sales last summer. My aunt Ann says women should have a little bit of pink in their bedrooms. A feng shui thing or something? Maybe once I throw this pillow on my bed I'll be able to sleep again.



My favorite thrift score of late is this $3.99 bamboo purse from (where else?) the Value Village.



Lastly, some goodies from my fabric stash. This top one is an old favorite, and for years I've been trying to work up the nerve to cut it up. It's light and silky, and I'm afraid I'll mess up whatever I try to make with it. So I just keep it folded in the pile while I wait for the perfect project to come to mind... I think it really wants to be a swanky summer dress, but I'm not quite sure yet.



And this one, Oh la la. It just makes me smile. I hope that within the next few weeks it will be transformed into a little skirt, or a summer dress, and maybe even a pillow or two. And maybe one of those big Amy Butler-type purses. I have four yards of it.



I decided to start framing some of my favorite fabrics, thinking it will make me feel less guilty about leaving them to languish in piles waiting to be turned into something. This is actually a dainty little silk handkerchief I picked up at an estate sale last summer. It's only 6" square. LOVE.

Summer Begins

I'm done! Woo hoo!!!!

Summ and I celebrated by bagging joLynn and going to the Saints game with a handful of our buddies. It was super fun. Then we went to another party after--more law school peeps who had had a LOT to drink. Ah yes. Much celebration going on. There's a party going on pretty much every night for the next week. Not sure if I'll be going though; frankly, though I love the law school peeps, I miss my dear sweet husband, my other peeps, and my sewing machine. Feeling generally pretty hostile toward the idea of planning anything at all.

I woke up pretty early this morning (ahem...8:30) and I was thinking of all the things I could do if I got out of bed. Finish that Joan Didion book I've been ever-so-pathetically plodding my way through during my free time over the last two months so I can start the Grisham book? Sew? Go for a run? (hahahahaha) Try to track down those cleaning fairies and put them to work? Or....go back to sleep...? I chose to go back to sleep until the indulgent hour of 11:30.

I have a good day planned. I have a short meeting with professors at school about the symposium I'm planning, and then am going to look at some fences for the backyard...and the fence place *just happens* to be around the corner from the fabric warehouse. I might need to go in and touch a whole bunch of fabric and leave. That makes me so happy. Tonight I will be catching up with my good pal Amy.

Student Eager to Trade Case Books for Grisham

Next in the pipeline is Jurisprudence (legal philosophy). The exam is on Monday. My Tuesday exam is Complex Litigation (class actions, multi-district litigation, etc.). I've spent the day working on a jurisprudence manifesto, which was actually kinda fun. But it's nothing I'm interested in repeating here, and I'll assume it's nothing you're interested in reading. So let's talk about John Grisham. I've been known to be a bit snotty about the paperback novel. But my mom suggested I give Grisham a try, and I'm sure I'll eat it up. I do get sucked into paperbacks, just like I got sucked into that stupid stupid show, LOST. There was the summer, for example, when I read a Danielle Steele novel almost every day. And who's that lady who writes those romance mysteries? Nora somebody. I've read a couple of her books. Anyway, I picked up "The Brethren" at Arc's Value Village for 69 cents. Grisham people, what do you think? Is that a good one? Is there a better one I should try? Please advise.

Law Professor Hospitalized for Uncontrollable Hysterical Laughter Caused by Grading Student's Exam

My performance on the Evidence exam was abysmal at best. It was the lowest chapter of my law school career. Worse than the time I tripped up the stairs in front of the group of 1Ls, worse than the time I polished off a couple bottles of wine with my professional responsibility professor, and worse than the time when I got called on in class when my future boss was in the room and I completely froze and there blinking stupidly at the speaker like he had just fallen from Mars while everyone stared at me, waiting, but I couldn't think of anything, ANYTHING, to say, couldn't even sputter one single intelligible thought, and the clock ticked loudly and ever so slowly and I wished I could just disappear in a puff of smoke... Yes indeedy. Today ol' Juicy took a blood bath of tremendous proportions.

There's a picture. It used to be a secret picture of a disheveled movie star who had partied a bit too hard and was now being escorted out of Studio 54 by a concerned-looking bouncer. No, wait. It's me at Law Prom a few months ago. What is going on in the picture? What is going on? Dudes, I do not know. Not my finest hour. But after the embarassment that was my Evidence exam, the picture doesn't seem so bad anymore. Maybe I'll regain some self respect in a few days and then I'll edit this post and take the picture down.



I won't belabor the issue. It's over now. Thank God. My homies and I went out for a beer and darts afterward, and then I came home to take a nap, but it was not much of a nap because I kept dreaming about hearsay exceptions and propensity and relevance. I woke up two hours later mumbling "truth of the matter asserted...no, I don't think that goes to the truth of the matter asserted..."

Okie dokie. Anyhoo. I'm pulling myself together and I am going to begin studying for the exams I have on Monday and Tuesday. My weekend promises to be gloomy and completely lacking in joy. Except for a brief period tomorrow when I plan to stop by Gretchen's brunch to celebrate her recent graduation from Med School. (Congrats, doctor!!!)

Julie hosted a super fun craft conspiracy last night, and I'm glad that I pulled myself away from the books to play in some mud and drink wine with my lovely lady-friends. We all made clay pots of sorts--I made a little plant stand with a little birdie and flower on it. Julie is going to fire them up in the kiln and we'll glaze at next month's meeting. Good times!

Juicy Mom Lands Perfect Job

After working for nearly 20 years as a lab technician, my mom went back to college and got her teaching degree. She's been working as a reading specialist and teaching at an alternative learning center. Today she was offered the job that was made for her--teaching fourth-graders at the little Catholic grade school that my six siblings and I all attended. Those little kids are so lucky to have her. Congrats, Mama!

Law Student's Frozen Carcass Discovered in Library Basement

It's a dungeon down here. Well...OK, the walls are not seeping with goo, and I'm not literally shackled to this chair that I've been sitting on for three days and nights. But there is no sunlight, and it is about twenty degrees. I'm losing feeling in my fingertips, and I can assure you it is due to the cold, not the pace at which I am preparing my Evidence outline (which is very, very, very slowly). Should I wear mittens? I'd consider moving upstairs, but it is demoralizing to look at the sunshine outside while stuck in the library. I'd rather not know about the weather out there. Maybe I should bring a space heater or build a little bonfire?

Juice Gives Mad Props to Smarty-Pants Kid Sister

The Star Tribune reported today on the 52 Minnesota students selected to receive the National Merit Scholarships, including my sister Sarah. Woot Woot!!! Congrats, Sarah!