Household Descends into Chaos as Domestic Fairies Organize, Strike at Inopportune Time

I suspect this was all started by that impertinent Laundry Fairy. She's passive-aggressive. Doesn't say a word--simply refuses to do her job. The clothes are piling up. Household members are running out of underwear. Holey and mis-matched socks are being worn.

The other fairies, exploiting the tension caused by the Laundry Fairy, are following suit. The second-most-powerful fairy in the house, The Dishwashing Fairy, has recently joined the strike. This morning, Shad and I had to share the same cereal bowl because there weren't any other ones. And the Recycling Fairy! Now there's a joke. Seriously. She's been so dang lazy you have to wade past several overflowing bags of wine and beer bottles and milk jugs just to get to the laundry room.

Moreover, there used to be two Money-Making Fairies, and now there is only one. In fact, the only fairies that can still be counted on (occasionally) are the Kitty-Litter-Taking-Out Fairy and the Garbage Fairy. The Bathroom-Cleaning, Declutterizing, Mail-Sorting, Bill-Paying, Bed-Making and Floor-Sweeping Fairies still seem to be around, but since they've unionized they've gotten pretty half-assed about their duties.

Such flighty, wily, undependable little creatures, those fairies. They always seem to go on strike during exam time, and when papers are due.

Is this a city-wide strike? How are your fairies doing?

Splenda Creeps Woman Out

I'll be staring at the computer all day, drinking coffee and working on this paper. Gives me plenty of time to think about how creepy that Splenda is. I just put some in my coffee and it foamed up. There is now a floating bubble of foam swimming at the top of my coffee cup. Gross. I know Splenda is supposed to be a good sugar substitute, sucralose and all that, but dudes, it is creepy. It is too sweet, and shouldn't turn into froth.

Minneapolis Woman Can't Resist Posting Photos of Gnome's Beautiful Baby Girl

Isn't Little Miss Esther adorable?

Family Eats Too Much in Typical Holiday Style

Thanksgiving was great. We drove 3 hours west to visit my family. All of my relatives are up there, and even my aunt and uncle from Texas came, and we had a great time, ate lots of tasty food (including, Gnomey, delicious Turducken with shrimp jumbalaya!), and drank $1 cocktails and cheap beer pitchers at The Powerhouse in Bluffton, MN (pop. 210). We drove back on Friday. Tonight we spent a nice evening at my aunt Ann's house in St. Paul. She made a delicious roast chicken dish with figs and olives and walnuts and apricots. I don't remember what it was called. It was amazing.

There is a new quilt shop in Detroit Lakes, so my mom, my aunties, and I went to go check that out. Oh, but first, mom treated us to Cabin Fever Malts at 9:30 a.m. They're made with ice cream and chocolate and espresso. A perfect breakfast. Then to Perham, to my friend Katie's shop, where I bought waaaaay too much fabric, as per usual. I can't wait for holiday break. I am going to put my craft studio together and then disappear up there for days and come out with long scraggly hair, missing teeth, and a beard down to my knees. I mean...wha?

Juice Still Stuck in Library, Dreams of Life on Other Side: Or, Which of These is a Man?

See, I think Nicky's dress is actually quite nice. No? GFY had a hayday with it. I don't get it.

They look like Barbie dolls. It's weird.



And this one is wearing something that looks like one of the piece-of-crap Barbie dresses I used to sew when I was a kid. Shiny fabric just tied in a knot. Perfect!

Student Finds Error in Legal Citation Manual, Confirms Status as Biggest Nerd Ever

I found an error on the listing of the term "[sic]" in the ALWD citation manual.

Is it a joke?

Juice Barricades Self in Library Basement; Lured Out Only For Spontaneous Marshall Field's Expedition

Birthday money + Client interview cancellation+ 15% off coupon at Marshall Field's = fun little early afternoon shopping break. Bright green corduroy pants! Yes!

The light was so bright outside! Ack! Eyes can't adjust! Skin burning! Ga! Must. Go. Back!

Shhhh....there, there. It's safer here. Right here in the library basement. The beige walls. No windows. Yes, this is all familiar. Safe. Cozy in its own sick little way. Goo goo ga ga.

Other than that, I've got nothin'. Still working on that stupid article.

Fun Times With Pals Reminds Juice There is Still Life on The Other Side

Last night had a fun time with Shad, Dave, Jenny, and Vinny. We had an awesome dinner at The Modern Cafe in Northeast. We all ordered different things, and most everything was excellent (except the gnocchi, which was good but not great). Shad had the most delicious romaine salad ever. I had a pan-fried walleye with roasted grapes. Jenny got the special--ricotta and spinach ravioli with a butter and cream sauce and roast yams. It was an excellent meal with a nice bottle of Syrah. Afterward, we went to an opening at the Soo Visual Arts Center. I love that place. It's so full of creative energy and ideas.

Today: Another long boring day at the library.

Tomorrow: Brunch and playtime with little Esther at The Gnome Home, preceded and followed by more time at the library. Whee!

Just in case I forgot to mention it: This semester has been THE WORST. But I only have two more weeks of classes, then two weeks of exams, then I am free from this prison for a few weeks and can play! Yay!!!

Minneapolis Kitties Disappear in Poof of Smoke

.

Design*Sponge posts this photo of the modern Christmas tree. I love it! But, would the kitties start themselves on fire?

Furnace Fixed!

Sarah and husband Brian stopped by and had the furnace fixed within a half hour. Our house is already up to 52 degrees. Yay! The kitties had been looking at me very accusatorily, as though it was MY fault they were so dang cold.

Things Are Going All To Hell and Juice Wants Her Husband Back

I need Shad back. He's been gone for about a month now. Taking care of a house is a lot of work alone. Yes, I'm whining. That's why I have a blog. I hate changing the kitty litter. That's his job. And things are falling apart all over the place.

First, it is 48 degrees in my house right now. I realized last night that the furnace was broken. My friend Sarah's husband came out to look at it today, went out to get parts, and is stopping by soon to fix it. (Fingers crossed).

And, Car ran away last night. I couldn't get her inside before I went to bed, so I went out after her this morning and still no sign of her. Poor baby was stuck outside in the snowy cold. She finally came back after I'd been searching for her for an hour. By then I was an hour late for school.

My car's heater isn't working and it is 13 degrees outside.

The front walk is covered with icy snow and I can't find the snow shovel.

I had to bag all the leaves by myself.

I'm too busy with school.

I'm still sick with a stinky cold.

I have to tape myself giving a 10-minute closing argument tomorrow.

I've only written one paragraph of that 25-to-40-page article that's due in two weeks.

Did I mention it is 48 degrees in my house?

And I miss Shad.

I want my mommy.

Law Students Join Circus

Tomorrow is going to be fun, fun, fun at school!

Torture-monger John Yoo is coming to speak--as previously mentioned. All the Federalists and neocons will be flocking to the school to be dazzled by his rhetoric. Meanwhile, our Amnesty Intl folks will be decked out in snazzy matching t-shirts hosting a vigil outside in the rain/snow with candles and cardboard cut-outs of bodies to honor human dignity and denounce torture. In addition, we've received press releases tending to indicate that at least 5 or 6 different human rights groups are planning to show up to protest the event. The Deans and security are planning to lock the place down and only let in students with valid IDs and pre-registered Federalists. Tension is high, and we can't stop giggling about it.

Meanwhile, the 8th circuit court of appeals is hearing cases at school, so the judges are there with all their clerks and the federal Marshalls and staff. Those guys are going to flip out tomorrow! I was simply posting signs earlier this week and the Marshalls were like "Hey! What are you doing?" Uhhhhhh...posting communist propaganda, what do you think? Apparently I had stuck signs on the rooms where the judges were. For some reason that wasn't OK. What, do they own the flippin' place now? They're welcome to come protest with us, too, you know. Really, I'd love to stand next to some 8th circuit judges out in the sleet tomorrow.

I still need to confirm with the trapeze artists and monkeys on unicycles. I was hoping to get the knife-juggling monkeys, but they only had the fire-swallowing ones on such short notice.

Amorous Mini-Van Driver Busts Juice Rocking Out During Midnight Commute

I am not so bothered by the fact that my stereo was stolen because I usually provide my own entertainment anyway. I am cognizant of the fact that I am the only person who appreciates my singing, and see, I'm OK with that. I have a whole reportoire that I go through when I drive home at night. Usually I start with Ani Difranco or Aimee Mann, then sometimes I do Norah Jones, Natalie Merchant, or Tracy Chapman, and if I'm feeling extra spunky, I'll work in some Janis Joplin, too. As you can see, there is much ground to cover during the 10-minute commute.

So, tonight, I was rocking out to Bobby McGee when I noticed that there was a mini-van driving next to me and motioning for me to roll my window down. WTF? Since I was just in the middle of that one piano riff between verses anyway, I rolled down my window to see what he wanted. He yelled "YA GWEDDMOUGOOIUDZ." (Conditions were not so conducive to communication. You see, we were driving at 65 mph on Hwy 94 at 12:30 a.m., and it was raining.) I yelled back, "What!?" I was swerving way over the line and practically crashing into the side of his vehicle so as to communicate with him. Did I have a flat tire? Do I have a tail light out? Was there a body hanging out of my trunk? He shouted again: "You're gorgeous!" and gave me a thumbs-up! Hilarious! A thumbs-up? (Male readers: Try this in a bar sometime). I shouted back: "OK, Thanks!" Yeah, right buddy. It's pitch dark out and you're driving a beige mini-van. I know you couldn't see my face and anyway you're going to have to do better than that if you want an autograph. As I turned off for my exit, I looked over at him and he blew me a kiss. Nice. Nothing like a little random romance on the freeway.

In other news, I stopped in to see The Gnome and little baby Esther today. She's so tiny and cute! I got to hold her and put her to sleep and lay her in her crib *ever so carefully*--then tip-toed out of the room so LA and I could talk. It worked! She actually stayed asleep for about 20 minutes. Was so fun to see her now that I'm not hacking up a lung. The Gnome's cat Trouble is a holy terror. She is so fat and mangey and crabby and feisty and has a bad attitude. She's like the chubby girl in middle school--you know, the stinky kid--who never quite got along with other kids so she turned mean and lashed out at everyone. We discussed having a kitty prom so that Trouble could be vindicated for some of this teen angst. We'd crown her kitty prom queen or whatever, and everyone could come with their kitties. Iggy would throw pig's blood on her or something. It will be like Pet Semetery (sp?) meets Carrie.

Speaking of kitties, I am very crabby with Car & The Wiz. I just lovingly hand-washed one of my nice sweaters, and laid it flat to dry on the dining room table. When I got home today, it was completely full of kitty hair. Did those little bastards have a wrestling match on it or what? URG!

Looming Deadline on PR Paper Leads to Another Long Boring Day at Library

Another long Sunday at the library, researching and attempting to write the article for PR. Did not make as much progress as I'd hoped, as per usual. I have some big deadlines at the end of the month, then exams through Mid-December. Then, I'll have about three weeks of break. I can't wait! During break I'm going to set up my craft and sewing area, work on some sewing projects, and read as many non-law-related books as I can. Next sememster should be a bit more forgiving than this one. We register for classes on Tuesday. I'm taking Business Associations (a.k.a. "Bizz-Ass"), two litigation classes, a writing class, and Evidence. I'll be busy, but I'll be done with clinic, which is a huge time and energy sucker.

Matt passed on this link to me to listen to in-studio performances at the Current. Excellent!

Blogger Updates Links

Spouse's Business Get Good Press from Juice.

Classy Pal is Go-To Girl for Snazzy Stationery, Event-Planning and Wine-Drinking.

Comic Book Artist Extraordinaire Unleashes Sky Witch on World.

Uber-Talented Designer/Programmer's Site Brings Smiles and Fun.

New Mommy is Always Sure Bet for Rants on 80s Pop.

Co-Founder of Craft Conspiracy and Fun Crafty Chick Gets Frequent Press on Ugly Juice.

College Roommate Moves to DC and Turns into Professional Wedding-Reception-Goer.

Grad Student Celebrates Sandwiches and Spends Year Waiting for State Fair to Arrive.

Mike is Always Funny but Sometimes Blogs Too Much About Sports for Ugly Juice's Liking.

Med Student Reads Books for Pleasure, Joins Craft Conspiracy, Cooks Delicious Food, and Does Other Things Juice Thinks are Amazing Because My God, Where Does She Find the Time?

The Mess Wins Award for Being Most Prolific Blogger; As Luck Would Have it, is Fun to Read, Too.

College Pal Flees to Wild West.

Local Attorney and Crafter Blogs About Cupcakes and Wacky Fun Blogosphere Discoveries.

Hilarious Blog Sometimes Makes Juice Snort During Class.

Juice Finds Old College Chum When Buying Stuff from Craig's List.

Greg has Great Blog But Juice Gets Irritated By Fruitless Visits Because He Doesn't Update Frequently Enough.

Crafty Chicks Plot to Overtake World Through Hand-made Eye Candy.

Silly Site Amuses Crafter Especially When She Thinks About All The Sewing Patterns She has Stashed Away.

Excellent Design Site Gives Law Student Brilliant Ideas, Like "Maybe I Should Drop Out of School and Make Stuff Instead."

Minnesota's Own Librarian on Fire Accepts Job at New York Central Library.

Recycling Nut Can't Resist Green Site.

Musical Pal has Many and Varied Interests Ranging from Welding to Ren-Fest to Wine-tasting.

Here's What Shad Does.

Readers Delighted to Discover How to Learn Wonderful Things.

Law School Buddy Always Says it So Eloquently.

Political Liberals Across Nation Unite.

Juice Shoots Stinkeye in Parking Ramp for Last Time

Last night, I was walking out to my car after 8 p.m., so the ramp was fairly empty. Suddenly I see this snazzy little red sportscar zipping through the ramp. As it rounded the corner to approach the area where I was walking, I deliberately stepped out of the way to avoid getting smoked and shot the driver a super dirty look (you know the one) to let him or her know that I didn't appreciate the recklessness with which he or she was proceeding through the ramp. Imagine my delight when the car slows down...no, stops! (Shit!) and the window rolls down, and I see that the driver is the Prof I work for. Sunuvabitch! "Hi, Prof [X], um...did you get a new car?" Ug. Give me a flippin' break.

After the parking ramp debacle, I went over to -s's house. She made dinner for Matt & me, and we chilled with some wine. The purpose of the evening was to watch the tape of Thursday's PR class. Our prof was gone, so she had taped the class. Taped classes are the worst--it's the prof, just sitting at a table, reading cases and rules. We decided to watch the tape at -s's house so we could make a drinking game out of it. We took a drink whenever we saw certain tics or if she said "mm-kay" in that special way she has. We only made it through about 15 minutes of the tape. Bo-ring, and we were drinking too much.

Thanks to all of you who donated to AI for our raffle. Unfortunately, none of my peeps won. But you donated to a good cause, so don't get too bummed out. Thank you all for your support.

oooooooh, check this out.

Student Delighted and Amused to Discover has Duped PR Prof into Thinking She is Actually Not a Punk

Very strange experience tonight for -s. and me.

We had a meeting with our Professional Responsibility professor at 9 a.m. to discuss the article that we are co-authoring. We each have to write a 25-40 page paper anyway for the class, but we are planning to use those papers as a foundation for a longer article that we want to write. The prof required that we all meet with her to discuss our writing assignments. Our appt. was at 9 and we waited until 10:15--she didn't show up. Incredibly frustrating, but not really a surprise, because she thinks that her goings-on are the most important thing and we are just peons anyway, etc. I, on the other hand, tend to think it is rude and unprofessional to not even send an email to let people know you are going to miss a meeting...? Anyhoo, we sent a pert little email letting her know that we were disappointed that she failed to appear at the meeting and that we would be available to meet at 6 p.m.

Some background on this prof. She is a incredibly intelligent, charismatic, very religious, and extremely conservative. She's all over the place. She baits people in class all the time and runs them into these tight little corners. She's very Socratic. We don't have a syllabus and never really know what class is going to be about and neither does she. She often cancels or videotapes class because she's testifying before Congress or doing other work on uber conservative issues such as anti-gay marriage and whatnot. She likes to talk about how she turned down a position as a judge on a state Supreme court to teach at our school. She's spread too thin. Did I mention she's nuts? In fact, I think I actually like her. I'm mostly just interested in what is going on in that head of hers. She could be a great teacher if she wasn't so busy doing other things.

So, when we meet with her at 6 p.m., she shows up with a damn glass of wine in her hand. There was a reception immediately prior to our meeting, but still, you'd think that she would have chucked the glass prior to our conference? Whatever. Anyhoo, we pitched our idea to her and were discussing things.

Suddenly, she turns to me and says, "You...I find you very mysterious, my dear."

What? Me? I cock my head and wait for her to continue.

"You sit there, in the back of the class, never saying a word."

Yes! Yes, that's me!

"You always have this very skeptical look on your face, but you never join in the fun."

Why would I jump in? You're evangelizing to us. You have an agenda. You know your arguments. You're just baiting us. Anyway, I'm not listening to you, lady. I'm instant-messaging M & G and reading blogs.

She tells me I should be aware of my skeptical look, I'll want to know that it's there when I'm in a court room. Fair enough. Good to know.

Later, she says, "I watch you, you know."

What?

"I know you're very bright."

What?

"I keep an eye on you during class, you're like a metronome. If I look at your face, I can see how the class is going."

OK, now you're creeping me out, lady. But this is all very amusing. See, she could be just playing with me. She might know that I'm actually a punk and haven't cracked her book since the second week of class. But I won't let her bait me. My strategy is to keep my trap shut and let her think there's something brilliant going on in my head. That metronome? It's just my eyeballs glancing back and forth between G & M as we IM each other. Hilarious.

Lesbian Kitties Exploit Spouse's Absence to Make Out With Wife and Hog Bed

Since Shad has pretty much abandoned me, the kitties are sleeping with me every night and waking me up to cuddle and lick my face and beg for belly rubs. Like right now, for instance. They're so dang affectionate I almost feel guilty for trying to give them to Summra today. I thought since Shad was gone, I could get away with some kitty reappropriation. I haven't talked to him since Sunday and he seems to have moved to Eau Claire or something. I know he's alive because he left a comment on my blog a few days ago. And I have been reading his blog. So we're maintaining communication like any other healthy relationship. Still, I'm pretty sure this is the longest I have gone without speaking to him in about six years.

The Wiz's pregnancy scare has passed, by the way. She would be about 10 days beyond her normal gestation period by now. I guess she just got fat. Poor baby.

Woman Drools over Funky Recycled Furniture

I want this.

and I want to make this:

DSC02736
Originally uploaded by designsponge.

DSC02734
Originally uploaded by designsponge.

Woman Sets out to Locate Estranged Husband, Finds Him in Midst of Three-Week Dance Dance Revolution Binge

I found out I had last night off of work (not sure why? Mental note: follow up on that to make sure am not fired) so I decided to investigate the Eau Claire situation. Specifically, Shad informed me that he would be spending another week there, which would be the third week in a row. It’s only an hour-and-a-half drive, and I thought there was a possibility I could get my mid-term written while I was there, so I put some air in my tires and the little Kia and I went on a quest to discover what is so great about west central Wisconsin.

I arrived at Action City and was immediately swept up into a tour. Action City rocks. There is mini-bowling, a climbing wall, go-carts, bumper cars, laser tag, and a huge arcade. There are all kinds of little party rooms with different themes, e.g. princess castle, jail, tiki-room, etc. Super fun place. We played bumper cars and lots of DDR. The laser tag is super awesome. Conclusion: building a family amusement park is a super fun thing to do, and if I could play bumper cars whenever I wanted to, I would probably stay in Eau Claire, too.

We spent the evening with Amy’s parents, and had a blast. They took us out to Stella Blues, a swank little restaurant, where Julie (Amy’s mom) and I matched each other drink-for-drink on Sapphire gimlets and Smyth & Kearnses. We got delicious appetizers, and my entrée was a super tasty NY Strip crusted in espresso & cocoa and covered with a snappy chipotle sauce. We had so much fun, and needless to say, there was no writing on my mid-term exam that night.

I worked on the mid-term this morning in the hotel while Shad ran some errands. I was getting a little irritated because he was supposed to come back at 12:00 so that I could be on my way back to Mpls (had to meet my group for the exam—it was a group test—I loathe working on exams in groups) and it was 12:03 so I was starting to get peeved because all in all I am not the most patient person sometimes. Plus, I was hungry. When he returned, he carried my stuff to the car for me and I saw that he had set up a whole smorgasbord of wacky snacks for me to enjoy during my drive back, and had picked up a big mocha from Starbucks for me too. What a sweetie. I adore my husband.

The wacky snacks tradition started when we lived in Uptown. Every now and then we’d decide to have wacky snacks. One of us would head down to Nicollet and get some wacky foods from the ethnic eateries there, and the other would go to Lunds and pick up cheeses, sushi, and other stuff from the deli, then we’d rendezvous and enjoy our meal. I’m not sure where he got today’s wacky snacks, but they were awesome.

I called Angela on the road and talked to her most of the way back. Good times.

Multi-State Professional Responsibility Exam Turns Out to be Total Bullshit

And this is where I decide how to deal with the fact that I totally bombed the MPRE today.

I could deny that I ever took it, but I think I've already complained enough about studying for it so it's a little late for that. Or, I could blame myself for not taking the exam seriously. Excuse me? Blame myself? Why would I do that?

No. I will just lash out at the exam itself. The MPRE will hereinafter be referred to as the Multi-State Professional Bullshit Exam. It was total crap. First, let me re-cap some of the advice I'd been given about the damn test:

(1) Just look over the study guide the night before;
(2) It's sort of the bastard child of exams;
(3) Anyone with any sort of moral compass could pass it; and (My favorite)
(4) No shame in failing it, just take it again, who cares?

The one that gets to me is the moral compass thing. I have a damn moral compass. I'm a good person. That doesn't mean I know the persnickity little rules about fee-splitting with non-lawyers and the finer points of when and how one can give a bottle of wine to a judge who is actually a friend and who was only recently appointed a judge and who brought a bottle of wine to your house the last time he visited. This is what we call bullshit, people. And it cost me $110 to partake in that bullshit today. AND I had to drive all the way down to Eden Prairie to do it even though there are several fine exam-taking facilities right here in Minneapolis and St. Paul where the law schools are.

I don't want to say I failed the ethics portion of the bar exam. That's lame. My self-esteem is plummeting. The scores arrive in 5 weeks. I have very low expectations. Does passing a bullshit multiple-choice exam really make you an ethical lawyer?

So...Matt and I were in one room, and Elissa and Teddy were in the other. As far as I know, they are the only other classmates who took the exam. Why we were so gung-ho about taking it right now when everyone else is waiting until next year, I can't say. Anyway, we all met each other in the hallway after the exam and gave each other big wide eyes like "What the hell was that all about?" We consulted quickly about which bar we should go to, and got margaritas into our bellies as soon as possible.

Juice Earns New Nickname When Cell Phone Goes off in Class

It is surprising that after 1-1/2 years, this is the first time my phone has ever gone off in class. How embarassing. Shad had changed my ring to this ridiculous rambunctious thing involving shouting and jazz, so it was a pretty egregious interruption. Ugh, I'm such a jerk!

In honor of my stupidness, Geoff has given me the nickname "Princess 3." Hopefully it won't last. I'm not sure I could hang around with Princesses 1 and 2 for very long at all without puking all over myself.

By the way, Julie--that was your call. Thanks a lot.

Cuddle-fest Renews Suspicion That Kitty Knocked Up

The Wiz always loves a good belly rub. She crawled on my lap while I was composing an email to MIL just now, so I gave her a good rub-down. Maybe I'm just freaking myself out, but I swear there are some little lumps in her belly. How many more days do I need to wait to feel safe that no kitties will happen? I've pinned the date of conception--if any--at August 27. Ugh, I hate this.

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable. You pull punches, but people still love you.

What Kind of Food Are You?

German Chocolate Arrives Just in Time to Sustain Juice Through Exams

It's a super busy week and I've been exhausted and studying like crazy. Plus, I'm still feeling sick, which totally stinks.

Was sheer bliss to arrive home yesterday to find a care package from MIL full of Ritter Sport chocolate!

And, while my pink furry pen is still warm in the grave, she sent a new pen to take its place. I've been using it, and I like it, but I feel kinda guilty. After all, I'm still carrying the corpse of the old pen around in my briefcase.

Thanks MIL for the pick-me-up! I needed it.

Graduate Students Still Enjoy Show and Tell

Geoff and I were given a homework assignment by the 6th-grade teacher that we volunteer for. Have I mentioned the tight ship she runs in that class? Man, those kids get yelled at for everything. In fact, even Geoff got yelled at today. I'm almost more nervous in that class than I am in most of my law classes these days.

Our assignment was to bring a "Me Bag" to share with the class--this is a bag that contains five items that say something about yourself.

Those kids are hilarious. One of Geoff's items was a necklace from his girlfriend, Jessica. Time for questions and comments--almost every kid's hand shot up: "What's her name?"--"How long have you been together?"--"Where does she live?"--"Are you going to get married?"

My "Me Bag" contained pictures of Shad and my family; Black's Law Dictionary; a pin-cushion; a cookbook; and my passport. The kids were interested in my love of sewing and crafts. "Will you sew something for me?"--"Did you sew that outfit you're wearing?"--"Will you show me how to sew?"

But the best question was from Antonio, a great kid I tutor one-on-one when we do our reading fluency tests. He asked: "Why don't you wear your wedding ring?" Uhhhhhhhhh... What? Why would a 12-year-old notice that? My standard answer to that is "It's too big." Which is part of the truth in that the band is thick and especially in the winter it dries my skin out. But that's always a weird answer, because it invariably comes out sounding like I have a huge expensive diamond or something. The other half of the explanation is that I don't like to wear jewelery, but I couldn't really say that either since I've been going through a weird big-dangly-earrings phase over the last few months and was wearing earrings today. I guess I'm just not used to wearing jewelery and I feel weird having something so expensive on my finger. Is that so bad? Some people act like it's the weirdest thing in the world. I don't think it's weird at all.

Juice Kicks Ass and Takes Names

If I do say so myself--I kicked some butt in court today. It was an order for protection case, and things went really, really well. We got the OFP and reached an agreement with the opposing counsel, but then argued about child support in front of the judge because the respondent wouldn't agree to give our client all the money she was asking for. Both parties are indigent and the judge looked like he didn't want to award the money, but we argued for the statutory amount of child support and daycare costs even though they weren't in the petition. The opposing counsel said her client couldn't pay it, and offered to pay half of the child support. That was our starting point, and after we argued, we ended up getting everything we asked for PLUS got the support backdated two weeks, PLUS got her money for some extra expenses. It was a great result for our client, and she gave me a kiss and hug and invited me over to dinner for some homemade Russian food.

My favorite moment was when the judge was writing the order and he said he would be writing down $550 for child support. I said, "No, your honor. The agreement was to pay $552.93, the statutory amount." He stared at me for a few moments as if to ask if I was serious. I just raised my eyebrows and held my ground. "Very well," he said. "We will award her $553.00 per month." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my supervising attorney cracking up. I knew I would catch some hell for arguing about $2.93, but I thought it was important not to allow them to stretch the statutory guidelines in any way, particularly after fighting so hard to get even the minimum statutory amount for the client. I thought a little leniency here might open the door to screwing my client over in other areas of the agreement.

Oh, also, my client complimented me on my suit today (a 1940-style brown & cream skirt suit). Does she know how much I obsess over the outfits I wear to court? Hilarious. Anyhoo--Fun times. Now have to try to keep my eyes open for my night class. Better run & get some coffee lest I get stuck with goon juice. TTFN!