Pal's Indiscretion During Class Leads to Full Breach of Poker Face Rule

I'm doing OK here, but things have been pretty crazy. I have a feeling I'll be running around like a loony toon for the next month at least. I'll be interviewing for summer associateships in the next few weeks, which is a huge, time-consuming, stressful thing. In addition, I've got commitments for Law Journal, have to edit two chapters of a treatise for the Prof I work for, all my other classes, and Clinic. Clinic is by far the biggest commitment so far, as we actually "bill" hours, and are expected to bill 19-20 hours per week. Also, I spent a lot of time earlier this week working on the dress and outfit for that fashion show, which went over well, I'm told. Someone offered to buy the dress. I emailed her to ask for an offer, but am also thinking about selling it on ebay, depending on what the offer is.

Anyway, I didn't begin writing this post to whine about how busy I am & blahblahblah... No, I wrote to complain about Matt and Geoff's indiscretion in Criminal Procedure today. First of all, I told those guys straight up we shouldn't sit together, because we do have occasional poker face issues when we instant message each other during class. It's much safer if we sit separately, so if someone writes something funny, we can just put a hand over our faces and chuckle silently without attracting attention. No one should be writing funny during class precisely because of these moments. Of course, the reason we instant message is to flesh out the issues being discussed, to clarify points the professor is making, and to otherwise enhance our learning experience. OK, so. When I arrived in class, Matt & Geoff had saved a seat for me right next to them. When I tried to pretend that I had never seen them before in my life and discretely grab a seat in the back row, they harassed me for ignoring them. So, I pack up my stuff and move up. Now you must picture the three of us sitting smack dab in the middle of the class. Front and center. Nice work, guys. Seriously.

So, we made it through the first class without any issues. Today, however, Matt made a comment over IM that I swear to God, was so damn funny I thought I was going to split my guts. The three of us instantly dropped our heads, put our hands over our mouths, and our shoulders shook violently as we tried to keep our laughter inside. I had to pretend to cough. It was a total breakdown. Luckily, our prof was busy tearing someone apart up at the front of the room, and (I hope?) was so distracted he didn't see us, even though the silent convulsions and inescapable smirks lasted for several minutes. Finally, we were able to compose ourselves somewhat. But any time I stole a glance at Geoff out of the corner of my eye, or something would happen that alluded to the comment, it set me off again. When I started snickering or shaking with laughter, I could see that it set Geoff, off, too, and then that made me giggle even harder. The last half hour of class was hell. I had to stop looking at those guys, and I closed out of IM completely. I tried to stare ever so intently at my book. Somehow, we made it though the crisis without getting busted.

Matt, you owe us some beers, man.

Great Entertainment at National Recycling Congress Tomorrow

If you're just loafing around tomorrow looking for some entertainment, may I suggest stopping by the Minneapolis Convention Center at 3:30 p.m.? The National Recycling Congress is being held there this year, and at 3:30, there is a recycled fashion show. The dresses in the show look super awesome, and Liz will be wearing my phone book dress on the catwalk while I sit through a Professional Responsibility class.

Juice Makes Back-to-School Transition With Typical Grace and Style

My first day of school is proceeding just wonderfully. (Those of you who speak fluent uglyjuice may go ahead and wipe the sarcasm off the screen right now. Go ahead, just use your sleeve. OK.)

First, I couldn’t sleep last night. I was awake until 2:30 a.m. When I finally fell asleep, I had terrible nightmares. People were being killed, I was being stalked by a ghost-like knife-wielding scary thing, and everywhere I tried to hide, either someone was getting killed or I was being chased. I woke myself up when I actually shouted “Help!” out loud. I spent the next half hour staring at the ceiling as the sound of my own voice continued to ring in my ears. Dang, that was scary. I very, very, very rarely have nightmares. I stayed awake for the next half hour thinking about it until my alarm went off at 6:30.

Shad and I decided to start the South Beach Diet today, so I decided to make a pot of chili before school. I had some Bear Creek chili mix in the cupboard and decided to use it. I discovered after throwing it in the pot that there was rice in the chili mix, so we can’t eat it. I had no choice but to continue making it and then I just packed it up and crammed it in the freezer. That had taken so much time that I didn’t have time to make an actual lunch for myself, so I just grabbed a bag of carrots. Then I discovered that I’m not supposed to eat carrots, either. Ugh.

I couldn’t drive my Kia to school because I was running late and didn’t have time to put air in the front tire, which for some reason had become flat.

Then I spilled a drop of coffee on my white linen pants because I was drinking and driving. Then someone crossed the street against the light, causing me to slam on my brakes, which sent the rest of the coffee onto the floor of the car.

Then I got to class (2 minutes early! Yay!) and discovered that I had left the reading assignment on my bedside table.

Walking to the library, I tripped up the stairs right in front of a group of new 1Ls.

Then I went to the library to continue working on that 85-page reading assignment for Crim Pro. One of my classmates walked up to me and said, “I thought that book was supplemental reading?” What? I had been reading the wrong book this whole time, and hadn’t even opened the proper book, which is at home.

It’s not even noon yet.

Student Convinces Self Last Day of Summer Can be Prolonged by Imbibing More Cocktails

So...I'm feeling better after spending the afternoon drinking with pals. Made several pitchers of bees knees cocktails and ran out of gin, but it turns out to be quite tasty with citrus vodka and cointreau.

The Bees Knees

46 oz. Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice
46 oz. Pineapple Juice
8 oz. Honey
2 cups Gin

Mix in blender. Serve over ice.

BLOG SPAMMERS: LEAVE ME ALONE. I WILL JUST DELETE YOUR COMMENTS AND I REFUSE TO CLICK THROUGH TO YOUR HOKEY, STUPID SITES

Just wanted to check in and tell you all that I am working on my 85-page reading assignment for Crim Pro, and after 7 pages I have taken zero notes and highlighted nothing. However, I have found two punctuation errors and two misspelled words. Can I go home now?

My last day of freedom should be good. I'm going to spend a few more hours sitting on the patio, drinking coffee, and plodding through Crim Pro. This afternoon, friends are coming over to drink and mourn the end of summer with me. I've been advised that it is spot on to show up for the first day of school hung over and reeking of alcohol.

When my aunt Rose and grandparents came to visit me on JULY 30, I cut a stem of browallia from my garden and put it in water in an ugly vase outdoors. THE FLOWER IS STILL ALIVE! Is that nuts? Just today, it finally appears to be dying. The flower is still bright purple, but curling in at the tips. What kind of cut flower stays alive in water for FOUR WEEKS? I didn't add flower food to the water or cut it down or anything, I just left it in there and ignored it. MAGIC! Is it some kind of symbolism? I, too, was thriving and happy on the patio all summer, but the thought of starting school again makes me want to curl up and turn brown.

Car totally loves me today. She keeps jumping on my lap and licking my face. She must know how sad I am.

The Wiz Disappears While Friends Argue and Stuff Faces With Pork Chops and Brownies

The Wiz has apparently run away. She used to be terrified of the outdoors. Suddenly, this week, she decided she liked it. She came outside tonight while we were having dinner on the patio, and I decided to just leave her out here. Of course, I'm terrified that she will be impregnated by The Manx, because she hasn't been fixed yet. The real problem, now, unfortunately, is that she has simply disappeared. I'm sitting outside with my laptop now, just hoping that she shows up.

Matt & Geoff just left, after a lovely dinner followed by much wine and argument. The three of us fight so much, it's hard to believe we remain friends. Tonight's topics: Feminist jurisprudence, jurisprudence of middle-class white guys, the role of race in jurisprudence, affirmative action, and the role of advertising in a capitalist society. We argued for hours. Then we decided to make some brownies at about 1:00 in the morning. Then we stuffed our faces with brownies and milk and argued some more. I swear to God, we are the biggest nerds I know.

Wizzie-Woo, where are you, you pathetic skinny little thing? Shad's going to kill me for losing her...The Wiz is his favorite kitty. Of course, I prefer Car, despite, and possibly because of, her feistiness.

Holy Shit, The Wiz just appeared, like a martian panther from...Mars. Now she's running all over the place and won't let me catch her. And of course, Car is chasing her around the backyard and terrorizing her. For Chrissake. I better go get this situation taken care of. Ta ta!

Update: Shad came outside and coaxed Car and The Wiz indoors. What a miracle worker. So, the kitties are safe, though we're not sure whether The Wiz is knocked up or not.

Flattered by Requests for Alaska Pics, Juice Delivers

We checked out a couple of salmon viewing spots along Ship Creek in Anchorage. I learned that the bodies of the salmon actually start to break down as they make that last run upstream to spawn. It was neat to see this when we looked at some salmon at another location further upstream--they were bright red.



Our train trip really revealed the beauty of Alaska, and the time spent on the Kenai peninsula south of Anchorage was my favorite part of the vacation.









In Seward, we took an afternoon cruise in Resurrection Bay. Of course we were hoping to see whales, walruses floating on icebergs, and polar bears drinking coca cola. We were disappointed in the lack of wildlife. We did see puffins, sea lions, an otter, and jellyfish. Puffins are cute.



The cruise provided a perfect opportunity for me to carry out my plan to murder my mother-in-law, though it did not come to fruition. You have to admit, it is difficult for a lady to balance a cocktail and carry out an effective homicide while retaining the poise and grace that I am obviously displaying here.



In Seward, we walked on the fish docks and saw huge halibut, salmon, and red snapper being weighed, displayed, and filleted. Whee!



You can't step foot in Anchorage without hearing about the 1964 earthquake. It was huge. One interesting effect of the quake is that it lowered the water table, and the roots of trees certain areas became infused with saltwater, which effectively picked them. There are huge groves of standing dead trees because of this, called "ghost forests."



My sweetie pie and I in what appears to be a giant plastic tube about to be catapulted into outer space. WHEE HOOO! See you later!

Like Total Jackass, Juice Plans Big Family Outing to State Fair Only to Discover it Hasn't Even Started Yet

Shad's brother Eric is arriving from Milwaukee by Wednesday a.m. so there will be lots of family fun, despite plans for Wednesday being foiled due to poor research. Today was a great day spent shopping with my mother-in-law. She bought me an incredibly awesome present but I can't tell you what it is just yet--it will be delivered in a few weeks and then I'll post a photo.

My mother-in-law disclosed some of the secret family recipes and she, Toby, and I spent the evening chopping up veggies and making pasties, which was super fun. Those crazy Michigonians love their pasties (smothered in ketchup....gross. I prefer gravy). When word spread of our kitchen shenanigans, friends began to arrive. Adam, Rita, and Amy showed up with wine and crackers, and we all enjoyed the pasties on the patio. Extras in the freezer! Yum!

Amy and I intended to just enjoy the last half bottle of wine before she headed home, but that turned into a several-hours-long affair. Oopsy-doopsy!

Lovely Alaska Photos Coming Soon to Blog Near You!

Just some quickies...more to come!

Poll Reveals Students Happier When Viewing Glaciers and Scraggy Mountains from Train Than When Buying Textbooks

I'm back!

Alaska was beautiful! We spent two days in Anchorage, one day driving north to Palmer (home of 100 lb. cabbages, and giant marijuana plants, crazy growing conditions due to lots of sun) and Talkeetna (starting point for McKinley hikes & tours, too foggy for us to see the Mtn, though), then went south to Seward, which was awesome. We took a coach down, took a 4-1/2 hour cruise in Resurrection Bay, drove around Kenai peninsula, hiked up to Exit Glacier, saw a halibut as big as me, and returned via train--BEAUTIFUL! I was not as impressed with Anchorage, but loved the rest of it. We had a lovely time and I'll post photos soon.

We took a red-eye flight back. I napped for a few hours then marched my Mastercard straight down to the bookstore to pick up--*gulp*--$566 worth of textbooks. And I actually thought I'd get off easy this semester because I only have three real classes (the family law clinic I'm enrolled in is 6 credits).

Juice Gets the Hell Out of Here

First of all, Summra's birthday is tomorrow. She's all cozied up in Los Angeles right now, surrounded by her family. What a great way to celebrate! Happy B-Day, Summra!

I'm leaving first thing in the morning for Alaska! My mother-in-law and I will spend two days in Anchorage before Shad joins us, then we're all planning to take a train to Seward for a day or two. "They" say it's the most beautiful train ride in North America. If They say it, it must be so! Also, the Alaska State Fair will be going on while we're there, I think. Fun for us! I couldn't be more ready for a vacation. My friends, I am tired. I can't wait to just sit back and stare at some glaciers! Mmmmm....yes. I hear the Northern Lights are awesome this time of year, I mean, that's what They said.

Kitties Attempt to Kill Each Other as Juice Takes Mother-in-Law Out on Town

My mother-in-law arrived yesterday, and is staying until August 26. We've been having fun. Had a great brunch this morning with Amy at Butter in South Minneapolis. Man, that place is so yummy. Tasty eclairs and egg dishes. After lounging around at Butter for a few hours, we went to a nearby open house to poke around. When we were in the backyard, we began talking to the neighbors, who ended up sending me home with red and yellow tomatoes and zucchini. Nice. I think I'll throw them on the grill tomorrow night with a little olive oil, salt & pepper.

The plan for tomorrow is a day of shopping. We'll hit as many thrift stores as possible, and I suppose a few regular stores, too. Then, a relaxing dinner on the patio, and maybe a movie in the park later w/Jo Lynn and The Mess.

Things seem to be a bit crazy in my house on all levels. First, there are the cats, who insist on wrestling non-stop. They are completely out of control and appear to be hopped up on the nip. I accidentally got diet cat food for Car and she is pissed. The Wiz doesn't seem to eat, anyway, so she doesn't really care. BTA is crazy busy these days and have called in several recruits. To make things worse, I haven't hired that personal assistant yet, and there are financial aid issues and other matters that are really starting to pile up.

Ugly Juice Discovers Pod People at Nerd Camp

Uh oh, Ugly Juice. I know what you're thinking.

What? I haven't even started typing yet.

You want to go on a tirade about how those stupid MBA students ruined Nerd Camp.

I...

You want to defile your reputation as a happy-go-lucky student/crafter who is just making her way in this little world, by revealing that you are actually a bitter liberal elitist with no patience for those who are unable to deconstruct the finer points of Plato and Rousseau. Don't do it, Juice. Remember what Elissa told you about employers finding your blog and discovering all your indiscreet rantings? Remember how you took off all of the posts about Snipey and The Princesses for that very reason? Remember the fine era of self-censorship? Remember how, on the whole, you still really love people and believe that they are all fundamentally good?

Oh, Blogger. You don't understand. I would never stoop to calling a whole group of people "feeble-minded" or "conformist." No! In fact, I wouldn't have said anything at all but for my concern that maybe those people weren't even humans at all, but mere pods sent here to convince us that our values were all misaligned.

You mean, you think you may have infiltrated a group of The Pod People?

I suspect that I may have.

That's amazing, Juice! What is their plan? Are they going to attack?

Their plan is to take us over, Blogger. They have already infiltrated some of the largest and most influential companies in America. I'm concerned, of course, because The Pod People are supposedly (and frighteningly) America's leaders. They are managing major companies that employ thousands of people. They are making decisions about production, marketing, and distribution that have global implications. We need to count on them to make ethical decisions in the corporate world both for their company, the national and global economy, and the well-being of their employees. We need to count on them to support equal pay and opportunity for women in the workforce, to understand and value diversity, to provide decent pay and benefits to their lowest level workers and to make informative decisions that may influence public policy. But as far as I see it, they're not looking much further than their next SUV. In fact, I wouldn't judge them so harshly except for my concern that they are supposed to be leaders.

You're jealous that they didn't invite you to join their discussion about the evolution of cul-de-sacs in the modern suburban era?

*sniff*

Your self-esteem was affected because YOU didn't get promoted seven times in nine years so you can't tell everybody about it every chance you get and therefore people never got a chance to find out how cool you really are?

*sniff*

You took it personally because whenever you talked, your words bounced off their thick noggins and then they rephrased your words into something that you didn't even say and no matter how many times you clarified your position, they refused to listen and they scoffed when you suggested that Alexis de Toqueville would be snarkily pleased to see that his predictions about America had come true and they took it all personally and ridiculed you when you agreed with de Tocqueville that America is full of conformists and suggested that such conformity yields apathy and ignorance creating a pervasive problem that is leading to societal rot and they didn't understand your disgust and yet strange relief to discover that some of them didn't even vote?

It was as though they thought my comments were a direct attack on their way of life.

They also didn't seem to be particularly receptive to the Wal-Mart comments.

Yeah, probably not the forum for that.

And they seemed shocked that Machiavelli's amoral approach to leadership "repulsed" you.

Yeah, what was THAT all about?

You have to admit, though, that it did amuse you when after you made one single comment about a rally you had attended, you became labeled "The Crazy Liberal Protester" and they began asking things like, "So, have you ever been arrested at a protest?" even though you didn't even suggest that you attended such things on a regular basis.

They were very adept at slapping labels on people.

Well, I'm proud of you. You've shown significant restraint and haven't gone and embarrassed yourself by resorting to ad hominem attacks or anything like that. What do you really think the whole thing was all about? Why were you so disgusted by these people?

What it came down to, I realized eventually, is that their values were all out of whack. They didn't talk about hobbies (unless it was golfing with other executives or something) or family (unless they were complaining about spouses or familial duties), or personal aspirations (aside from getting more promotions at work). Their life was their career, and they seemed to lead no kind of normal existence separate from that. And if they weren't talking about how many people work under them, or what suburb they live in, or how long their commute is, they were checking their Blackberries or just talking about TV shows or other mindless jabber.

I told you you were being an elitist.

Well? Would you want to sit around and listen to that for a whole week?

Nah, I guess not. Let's stop talking in generalities. How about a few quotes, shall we?

***

(On Ari, a classmate who is from India, and has been in the US for 11 years. He first came here to go to school, is working in IT, and is a legal permanent resident. He mentions that he is disillusioned with the current government and is unsure about whether he wants to apply for citizenship in this country. )

So...let me get this straight. You came here, benefit from education in our country, and now we're not good enough for you? I find this really offensive that we can be good enough for you to take what you need and reap all the rewards, but then we're not good enough for you to become a citizen.

***

(On Islamic Terrorists)

Seriously, what are they so mad about?

***

(On Racial Profiling)

Some stereotypes are just true, so why should we ignore them for the sake of being PC?

***

(On finding checklist in pocket of dress shirt)

Oh, look. Here's a list from a recent presentation I gave with my boss. I think I'll go post it on the board. That way I can remember that I did something important once.

***

(On how Plato's allegory of the cave relates to a classmate's failure to read up on the Patriot Act.)

We can choose to remain ignorant of things and therefore happy. Like the Patriot Act. Sure, I know it's there, and I can figure out what it says, but like the prisoners left behind in the cave, it's an acceptable choice for me to remain ignorant and trust that other people are dealing with it. If other people have the knowledge, that's good enough--I'll come out of the cave when I'm ready.

***

(On why terrorists attacked the WTC)(*my favorite!*)

They just wanted to be included in our Western society.

***

All right, Blogger's gone, so now it's just me, Ugly Juice, talking. A fundamental problem with the whole situation was that the MBA students were simply not listening. They couldn't figure out what everyone was talking about and therefore they were unable to have cohesive discussion. The failure to listen was the worst part, because while I am happy to speak up with an underrepresented viewpoint, when they're not listening anyway, (or worse, misconstruing what you say), what is the point of speaking up at all?

Okay, let's get to what I learned from the program, and this is actually the whole point of this entry. I want to talk about how the introverts of the world have it all figured out.

I typically think of the introvert/extrovert distinction as shy v. outgoing. But that's not really what it is. An extrovert gets her energy from others, and an introvert gets her energy from within. I am, as you all know, clearly an extrovert. I seek out and hang around with people that energize me and make me smile. That's just an intuitive thing, like a survival instinct. This need to be around energizing people was exposed to me during my personal demise this week, and it was something I had never given much thought to before. I was miserable around these people. There was no energy coming from them. Could I just retreat to some corner and read a book? I do enjoy my alone time, but that's how I relax, not how I reenergize. Without any peeps (and no cell phone service), I became more and more negative and sad. I almost did not know who I was. I got bummed out by stupid things. I checked my email 50 times a day. My disappointment in my classmates grew deeper and was unmitigated by any positive influence whatsoever (though I liked my roommate, a fellow law student, she had a philosophy degree and was perhaps even more dismayed by the situation than I was...she was too bummed out to be a useful energy source). By the time the last session rolled around, it was all I could do to internalize my disgust. I literally felt ill. It was amazing, really, and kind of sad. I said earlier in the week that I wanted to be an introvert. Man, those guys have us snowed! They don't need anything! Lucky! I don't want to need people. What a humbling realization, really.

Well, kind of a long, rambling, and slightly negative post. If you read it all, you are a true pal, and if you mention it next time when I see you I'll buy you a cup of coffee or something.

Ugly Juice Endures Painful Lunch With MBA Types While Unemployed Lady Friends Get Snockered

Oh, man. As if being stuck out here at nerd camp and hating it isn't enough, I missed the Unemployed Ladies Society luncheon. I do so enjoy my time with the Unemployed Ladies every other Thursday afternoon...instead, I got to sit around at lunch and listen to the MBA types talk about the length of their commutes and how nice it is at the end of a cul-de-sac in Burnsville.

Anyhoo, I'm sorry to be such a downer about nerd camp. I loved it when I got here on Sunday. Now I'm just eager to get home. Like a seven-year-old, I miss home. I miss Shad and my own bed. I'll be going home tomorrow, and I can't wait.

By the way, mother-in-law...The Unemployed Ladies Society has graciously postponed the Russian Tea House lunch two weeks so that we can go while you're here... I know you were looking forward to it.

Student Counting Days Until Nerd Graduation

Well, I've been pretty busy down here at nerd camp, and frankly am not feeling so very chipper at the moment. But I'll refrain from discussing my disappointment. Let's just say I've never been in a classroom with all business students before, and discussing philosophy and great literature with them has been less than invigorating. Still, the grounds are beautiful and the food is good.

Tomorrow we are performing "Antigone." I'm cast as Ismene, the cowardly (or, pragmatic) sister of the play's tragic heroine. I offered the director a few ideas that might be called "experimental" or even "totally brilliant!" but my suggestions were met with a blank stare. Sorry, business students. We can do just a traditional performance. I'll, um, just make wreaths for our heads and we can wear togas with khakis and polo shirts underneath.

I received an email from a woman who invited me to model my phone book dress in a fashion show at the National Recycling Congress that will be held at the Minneapolis Convention Center later this month. Actually, I'm interested, but I'd have to miss two classes to do it....and I hate to miss class--especially the first week of school. Maybe if I could find a model about my same size....(Emily? Would you be interested?) The woman sent me pictures of some of her stuff that will be worn at the event. It looks neat.

Spouse Missing

Seriously, have any of you seen Shad? My phone doesn't get reception out here and he's not responding to my sweet little emails.

Lack of Recycling Facilities Makes Ugly Juice Suspicious Despite Otherwise Idyllic Environment

I'm loving nerd camp, everybody.

I was going to play "shy, introverted girl who just listens to her ipod all the time" so I could sneak away and finish all the reading, but I got outed right away as having only read 110 pages. Actually, I took heart in that, because it meant others had more reading to do as well. But hopefully I can still keep my extrovertedness a secret so no one tries to talk to me--I'm enjoying the solitude.

My roommate is really cool. I knew we would be instant friends when we left the first session each holding two plastic bottles. We ran into each other at the door and realized we were both looking for the recycling facilities and there weren't any. Which is really bad, because the water bottles they give out for free are those useless little waste-of-plastic 12-ouncers and everyone goes through a few per session, plus aluminum cans of soda etc. So we went up to the front desk and I asked where the recycling was. The woman said, "Just put it in the garbage next to the beverage table. They take it out and recycle it." My roommate and I exchanged suspicous glances and in the most intimidating cross-examining tone I could muster (and using my amazing inter-personal skills), I shot her my skeptical squinty eyes and said, "Is that true? Or are you just lying to make us feel better?" My roommate and I squinted at her menacingly while she insisted that people actually come and separate the recyclables and the garbage, then we stormed off in a huff. Yeah, RIGHT.

There's a beautiful little outdoor patio-thingy, so you know I'm all over that. No one else has been going out there, so I've been spending time outside between sessions, listening to my music and reading.

Oh, and the food is delicious and top-notch.

Juice Gives Quick Shout out from Nerd Camp

I'm at nerd camp, everybody! And guess what, there's internet. Phwew. Though I won't have much spare time as I still have hundreds of pages of reading to complete, and they keep our days busy from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. Anyhoo, just wanted to tell you all it is beautiful here. The conference center is set on several acres of land in southern MN. There are horses, canoeing, walking trails, and lots of idyllic green spaces. I hate to say it, dear husband and BTA guys, but it feels nice to be out of the house for awhile. Don't take it personally.

Ugly Juice Discovers Groovy Fabric Artist Lady During Day Two of Uptown Art Fair

If any of you go to the Uptown Art Fair today or tomorrow, be sure to check out Marcia Damrauer Derse. Her art is amazing and cool. She dyes all of her own fabrics and then sews them into simple and beautiful wall-hangings. She's located on the east side of Hennepin Ave, right around the Old Chicago area.

Parallel Parker Scores Alpha Spot at Uptown Art Fair

The Uptown Art Fair is like the big game of the year for parallel-parking lovers like myself. And boy, did I get a doozie this morning. I watched others slow down to look at it, and move on, but I wasn't going to give up so easily, oh no. I slid right in that spot, and with a few gentle back&forths, it was a perfect fit. I didn't even touch the cars on either side, not even the gentlest nudge (with the Kia, no less! = no power steering). There was a guy working in his yard when I got out of the car, and he actually complimented me on the parking job. I was so glad he noticed, because of course I was so pleased with myself that I wanted to take a picture. He and I took a few steps back and sized up the parking spot like a couple of hunters gathered around a moose they'd just killed.

Woman Wakes up with Crazy Flowers all Over Skin

Here's the result of the henna party last night! It was so fun & everyone ended up with great designs on themselves.



Almost as noteworthy is that fact that I'm wearing nail polish, which happens once or twice a year. Of course, one fingernail is already chipped off.

I left craft conspiracy meeting early to go to Kate's house to celebrate Bryan's birthday last night. My mom, dad, and sisters were there, too. They all flew down to Texas today for my uncle Danny's retirement party. It's going to be a great big fun party--unfortunately, we had to miss it, because I have to go to nerd camp on Sunday.

Anyhoo, my mom was giving her daughters manicures and pedicures last night. I don't know what inspired it, but I did feel pretty when I left with shiny pink fingers and toes.

Does anyone know what happened to the laundry fairy?

Great Books Girl Gets Giddy Over Gimlets

Clock is ticking on the ol' Great Books seminar business. I've got 350 pages left to read by Sunday. I got up at 6 this a.m. and went to Dunn Bros. by the river to read some Thucydides and Machiavelli. Mmmmmm....yes. Greg stopped in for a little while before he had to go to court and we debriefed his date from last night, which situation is a source of incredible amusement for me. I read until late morning, then ran some errands during which I stopped at River of Goods in St. Paul, and the STORE IS CLOSING AND ALL OF THEIR STUFF IS WAY ON SALE! Tiffany lamps, which I didn't even know I really liked and I'm not sure would look so great in my home, are super on sale and cute. The store is closing at the end of August, but they're opening a new store at Hwy 280 and Como. I didn't get anything, I don't even know why I stopped by, but now I'm dreaming of the tiffany lamps. Why? Forget about them, Ugly Juice. You don't need them. They won't fit anywhere in your home and the cats will break them.

I met Tonya for a 3-hour lunch at Psycho Suzi's. We drank gimlets all afternoon and had a nice time. Sadly, her father passed away last week, very unexpectedly at the age of 62, of a heart attack. She has taken some time off of the intense advanced nursing program she's enrolled in to spend time with her mom and try to pick up the pieces. I feel so incredibly sad for her, she was so close to her dad and is like him in a lot of ways. I went to the memorial service on Sunday, which was sweet and sad. Her dad was an unlikely marathon runner--he was a smoker, and slightly overweight. He was our inspiration when we ran Twin Cities two years ago. Tonya has decided to run Twin Cities this year in honor of him, and I'm going to train to run part of it with her. Five miles or so, I think.

I came home to find gifts from Julie on the kitchen table! A stack of fabric for my red-and-white fabric collection (plan to make a red and white quilt sometime in the future...), and two adorable skirts that fit perfectly. (Thanks, Julie!!!)

Oh, one more thing. Check out this super cute chair. (Link via super cool Treehugger site.)

Crafty Chicks Paint Selves

I'm doing henna tonight with crafty pals. Should I do it on my hands or feet? Or somewhere else? Any suggestions?

Constant Supervision Required to Preserve any Remaining Shreds of Dignity

So....ahhhhh, guess what? I made a fool of myself, AGAIN. I need to hire this personal assistant soon, so that I can have some constant supervision. What happened is that my pal, Jessica, a spaz of the highest order, called & left me a voicemail message to let me know she got engaged last night. Wow, that's sweet! So, I blip down to Jessica's name on my cell phone address book and call her back. The voice mail picked up, so I proceeded to leave a long, spazzy, rambling message congratulating her on her engagement and calling her names that in some circles would be considered offensive or at best impolite. For those of you who know Jessica, you realize how appropriate such a message would be. EXCEPT, after I hung up, I realized that I had left messages for Jessica in the past, and her greeting didn't sound just like that. So I called her back. She picked up right away and I asked if she got a message from me. She didn't know what I was talking about. Uhhhhhh....there are two Jessicas in my address book, and I had called the wrong one! I had called the girlfriend of one of my friends, a sweet Jessica who I would never dream of calling the names that I called the other Jessica, who is not a spaz at all, and who doesn't deserve to have to sit through such a long rambling spazzy offensive/impolite message such as the one I had left, AND since I began the message with the words "You're getting MARRIED!" I was particularly concerned because this Jessica and her boyfriend (my friend) had a bit of a debacle in the past involving a broken engagement.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeze.

I called the wrong Jessica back and left a message explaining the situation. I called her boyfriend to put in a request for some damage control. I called the right Jessica back to offer my congratulations. Then I had lunch with Summra and she was not at all surprised to hear about what had occurred.

Blogger Disgusted With Results of Yet Another Stupid Quiz

You're The Poisonwood Bible!

by Barbara Kingsolver

Deeply rooted in a religious background, you have since become both
isolated and schizophrenic. You were naively sure that your actions would help people,
but of course they were resistant to your message and ultimately disaster ensued. Since
you can see so many sides of the same issue, you are both wise beyond your years and
tied to worthless perspectives. If you were a type of waffle, it would be
Belgian.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Thanks a lot, Gene. Now I hate myself.

MWF Seeks Dentist for Mutually Beneficial Discreet Yearly Encounters

Can anyone recommend a good dentist? My dentist, who was my college buddy, just bought his own practice in Fargo and has moved away. (Ang, did you know Casey has his own practice now?) I need to make an appointment for my mother-in-law, who wants to see an American dentist while she's in the States. Who can blame her? Please email me if you have a good referral.

Student Makes Ass of Self on First Day of Job as Law Journal Associate Editor

I had to stop by the LJ office tonight to pick up the first assignment--my team is getting an early start to try out some new electronic system they're doing. I got the assignment and guffawed when they told each of us print out the entire article. I asked if the printer could do 2-sided printing. We usually don't, they said, but you can try. So I set it up to print 2-sided, with 4 pages on each side, 8 pages per sheet, and sent it to the printer, which immediately jammed. So I got down on my knees and took everything apart while the rest of my team moved along on their assignments like so many happy little honeybees. Finally got the paper pulled out of each little cranny & tried printing again. Jammed again immediately. Pulled the printer apart and tried again. Jammed. Bloody hell. Now I was improvising latch-hooks out of paperclips to get all the little pieces out and feeling like the biggest loser ever. Teammates continue humming right along on their assignments. Finally got it to print properly the way I wanted and was quite pleased to have reduced the entire article to only 4 sheets of paper. Made my way back to work table, avoiding eye contact and slouch in seat. Ahem. It was so boring and they had said we could complete the project on our own time so after about 20 minutes I asked to be excused to finish a project I have a deadline on tomorrow. Then I found Summra in the library and we went to get ice cream cones. Got busted by team member on way back with ice cream dripping all over face and hands.

Gnome Moves to Greener Pastures

Let's all welcome Ask the Gnome to Blogger. Those of you who read the Gnome over at live journal may have witnessed the recent meltdown. The Gnome has moved to greener pastures, and over here at Blogger, the posts have been especially high-class as of late, particularly the grisly details of the Hovering Watcher.

Minneapolis Woman Treks Across River for Breakfast with Future Law Partners

Met Matt & Geoff at St. Clair Broiler or Grill or whatever for breakfast this a.m. Matt has been in Greece for most of the past month, and Geoff is setting an all-time record for hours spent on a golf course. I do like those hosers. Matt (former cop) gave me some tips on my speeding ticket situation--specifically he recommended that I not waste my time fighting it, and instead, try to get a continuance from the clerk. Does anyone know anything about this? And now, I am holed up at Dunn Bros. back on my side of the river, working on cite-checking and editing. Whee! I have lunch plans with Mike, another school buddy, and have to spend the evening in the Law Journal office doing some stuff, not sure just what yet. Gag. Better get back to it.

School Cramps Lifestyle

Another twinge of sadness today when I realized how soon I have to return to school. I'm going to have to start showering on a more regular basis, wearing a bra, and combing my hair. I'll have to stop wearing the same clothes every day in a row. No more 6-hour-long lunches with certain unemployed ladies or leisurely coffee breaks with friends on the patio in the middle of the day. I was trying to think of the last time I brushed my hair, and I'm pretty sure it was a month ago, at Matt's wedding. I've been washing it and all, I'm not gross. But why brush it when I'm just going to put it up anyway? Anyhoo, I'm sad. Dang it. Why can't school start in November?