Snowbound Woman Resorts to Desperate Measures

After being snowed in for some 32 hours, the woman began to feel crazed and hungry. She stumbled down the stairs and considered the contents of her enormous freezer. And there she saw it, winking at her from behind the stacks and stacks of single-serving chili. It was the box of frozen enchiladas purchased at Cub Foods two years ago for the suspicious price of two dollars. It is your turn, little enchiladas, she said aloud (for she had begun talking to household objects in the sixteenth hour of the storm and there was no reason to stop now). She willed herself not to look at the ingredients list and popped the container in the microwave for twenty minutes.



It must be said that the results were a bit disappointing but not unexpectedly so.



As she spooned out the gooey mass, a reasonable voice (could it be her digestive system?) spoke too her from within (ah, yes, it must be), urging her to turn back. Steam some soybeans, perhaps? Or even heat up some of that leftover mock duck curry. Is that real cheese? Is that...meat? Really, check out the label, please. Please, Ugly Juice, as an act of self-love or simply to prevent the inevitable consequences... But then, another, louder, voice (the belly itself?) said RAAARRRRRR!!!! CHEESY ENCHILADAS!!!!!!

She listened to that voice, of course. She recklessly spooned the enchiladas onto a plate and brought it back to her work station at the dining room table. The contents of her briefcase had--in an act of desperation and in apparent attempt to avoid sharing company with the mysterious warm gooey blob that was masquerading as "food"--scattered themselves across the table. See? There is no room for that plate. Please, please, throw it away.



Again, the woman ignored the voice of reason, as her hunger had made her lightheaded and dazed. She pushed aside the mounds of paper and made room for her feast. To add insult to injury, she spilled a drop of tomatoey substance on a nearby pile of papers.

The enchiladas were actually kind of tasty, in the way that marshmallow peeps are super yummy if you can handle eating them without asking any too many questions. Not exceedingly delicious, of course. Or even vaguely delicious, really. But... uh... oh, geeze...

Juice Attempts to Compensate for Whiny and Boring Posts by Posting Pictures of Adorable Bird-Legged Niece

OMG, she is the cutest!!!





The adorable niece (left) with my cousin Joe's new baby, JJ, who also is pretty cute, yeah?



I could drool over pictures of this little dolly all day. Seriously.



All of my sisters and my mama. From L-R: Kate holding Adorable Niece, Sarah, Mary, Mom, Moi, Greta. Look! Look at those bird legs!



Bird Legs was baptized in early January.



And...Law prom! We had a swell time.



Mike and joLynn came over for a sewing day a few weeks ago and I was supposed to help Mike make this suit, but I don't know if I provided any actual assistance. Mostly I told him to iron and read the pattern.



Dearest Summ Summ and her main squeeze, Ben. Like Mike's flask? Summ kept hers in her purse, like a true lady.



I made this dress using a vintage pattern that I picked up at an estate sale a while back. Isn't the fabric groovy?

Woman Inexplicably Sends Enterprising Kids Packing

What the heck was I thinking!? Did I really think this was worth saving five bucks for (yes! I found some money in Shad's pant pockets when I was doing his laundry so I actually could have paid them)? The kids were so cute, too, they were about three feet tall. Here I claim that I want to promote young entrepeneurship in my neighborhood but given the opportunity I send the poor little tikes away. And now I have to go out there. And the snow, I hear, is heavy. And the bottom of my pants are going to get wet. And I'll probably get sweaty and have to take another bubble bath. And the neighbors are outside but I don't feel like talking to anybody and if I plug myself into my ipod I will look like a jerk. Now I'm the crabby lady. Damn it. I hope they come back.


Actually, let me break this down a bit. I sent the kids packing because (1) I actually do not want kids knocking at my door all hours of the day looking for work. I usually don't have cash anyway. I know that as soon as I pay out once, I'll have a new batch of kids at the door every two hours as the snow continues falling; (2) It turns out that the kids compete with each other for work and this can cause tension among them. Last summer one of the kids underbid another to mow my lawn, which created a situation and I ended up having to negotiate an exclusive contract with one of them, and that was super annoying; and (3) I have been in the house all day and it seems like it might be nice to go outside.

Hm...I bet I could pay those kids to get me some ice cream.

Well, whatever. I am even boring myself here. What are the odds school will be cancelled tomorrow?

Lounging Woman Seeks Ice Cream Delivery

I am lounging around in my fuzzy bathrobe and ticking things off my to-do list today. My house is buried in snow and it is cozy in here. I wish I had a big tub of chocolate ice cream. Or coffee gelato. Or vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup. Anyway. I have checked off four of the twelve things on my list; admittedly, all of the easy things. (In fact, I am thinking about making a pot of coffee. I might write that on my list first so I can cross it off.) I started my bar application last night. It is sooooooo long, numerous character references, every place I've lived for the last ten years, every place I've worked in the last ten years, narratives explaining my criminal history, real and imagined, etc. Yikes. Anyhoo, I think I'll put it away for a week or so. It's due March 15.

Last summer I paid a neighbor kid to do some yard work and he basically just took the money and disappeared without finishing. I was irritated but quickly forgot about it. Last night, he came back, shoveled my sidewalk, and apologized for his previous shenanigans. At first I was touched. Then I realized he was just trying to get me back as a client. Oh, well, that's good business I guess. Still, when he knocked on my door again this morning, I pulled a pillow over my head and ignored him.

I always seem to get sick when I am busiest and most need to be well. I am losing my voice, which is flippin' annoying. I am going to take a bubble bath.

Whiny Juice Wants Her Mommy

My sweetie pie is in New York this weekend for another suspicious "business trip." I am finishing up a generous glass of cabernet and plan to be in bed by 8. I hope the wine will help me sleep; I suffer from a terrible sleeping disorder. I can't even remember the last time I fell asleep right away and slept without waking up a million times in the night. I will be working constantly this weekend like a total pathetic loser. I am under water. Way, way, way under water. I am so tired of doing things I do not want to do and not having enough time to do the things I do want to do. I am so sick of school I cannot even tell you. I suppose it's the same story with everybody, though, in one form or another so I'll just buck up and stop being a big whiny baby. This is pretty much the best blog post ever.

I had an awesome time in D.C. last weekend with Angela and Ed. They are the best.

Strand of Gray Hair Refuses to Cooperate

I thought we could exist peacefully together but this is proving to be impossible. It is a wily and wiry little bugger. I try to pull it back in my ponytail but it refuses to be tamed, choosing instead to stick straight out from my head. If it continues to misbehave I am just going to yank it.

LA sent me this yesterday. Holy moly!

Minneapolis Woman Throws Clean Socks and Undies in Backpack and Heads for Nation's Capitol

I'm in D.C. at the moment, visiting my dear friend Angela and her fiancee, Ed. I flew in late yesterday afternoon and will return home on Monday just in time to attend my favorite class ever, Tax. Last night Ed made dinner for us all and the three of us spent the whole night talking and laughing our pants off. I have missed these two! Today, as soon as I manage to drag myself out of bed--*yawn*--I am heading down toward the mall, meeting up with Angela for lunch (at the Native American museum, which I've heard is excellent), then will hit some museums, meet a friend for happy hour, dinner back at the apartment and hanging out with some friends of Ang & Ed's. All in all a lot of bopping around. I took a tiny bit of work with me, but mostly am planning to relax, which is much needed.

Oh, law prom last weekend was great. I will post pictures later.

Juice Needs a Good Food Blog

Hey, can anyone recommend a good food blog? I have just three that I read right now, and I've been pleased with the recipes, but I'm hungry for more. (Currently I subscribe to The Wednesday Chef, Simply Recipes, and The Food Section.)

I discovered this spicy roast chicken recipe a few weeks ago (from Wednesday Chef) and it has quickly become a staple at our house. It is quick, easy, and super tasty, the perfect week night meal. (Tomatoes are kinda iffy right now, though, so if you can't find good ones, try substituting other veggies.)

Tim Sievert's Book Goes on Sale

Our good buddy Tim's graphic novel is on preorder right now at Top Shelf. Order yours here! Woot woot! Congrats, TS!

Minneapolis Pals Never Too Old for Slumber Parties

Shad and I had a lovely time last night with our dear friend Miss Amy Steil. I made dinner, we drank lots of wine, and around midnight we made a pan of gooey brownies and sat cross-legged around it with a couple of forks, passing a carton of milk between us. There was a brief moment of crisis when we realized that the wine supply had been depleted, but then we found some vodka and an orange, and Amy (always prepared!) remembered that she had pomegranate juice and cointreau in her car, so we whipped up some pomegranate martinis right quick. She stayed over night. Great fun.

Here's the chicken recipe. It's super easy and tasty. The dark meat acquires a really rich flavor from the slow simmering.

Braised Chicken with Prunes

4 chicken thighs (skin on)

4 chicken drumsticks (skin on)

1/2 c. flour

kosher salt & pepper

1 cup dry white wine

1/4 cup white whine vinegar

12 large dried prunes

3 Tbsp. olive oil

Rub the chicken pieces with kosher salt & pepper. Dredge through flour and shake off excess. Use a large shallow pan that is big enough to hold all the chicken in a single layer. Heat oil over medium heat for a couple of minutes. Brown chicken on one side (3-4 minutes), then flip and brown the other side (3 minutes). Don't move the chicken around while it's browning. Cover with wine, vinegar, and prunes, reduce heat a bit and simmer for about 30 minutes, until meat starts falling off the bone.