Ugly Juice::: June 2007

PUNY Makes Neat-O Thing

While I get more boring every day, my spouse does not. This video shows an interactive exhibit his business put together for the recent Flashbelt conference. The animations are responding to different hand and bodily movements. Fun! I wish I had seen it in person, but I was going to Bar Review classes like a total lame-o.

Local Woman Finds Sour Cream in Sour Cream Container

Minneapolis (AP) - A North Minneapolis resident reported today that she was afraid of opening her refrigerator due to numerous precariously placed containers of leftovers crammed in between such things as eggs, grapefruit, beer bottles, and what appeared to be a bucket of emulsion wrapped in a plastic bag. Lured by the idea that an excavation of the overstuffed produce drawer might yield a tasty head of bok choi, the woman cautiously opened the refrigerator door at approximately 7:30 this evening. She was delighted to find that the fridge's contents remained in place instead of spilling all over her and the kitchen floor. Emboldened and curious, she removed the nearest container, sniffed at the lid, and speculated as to its possible contents. She was astonished and slightly bewildered when further research revealed that this particular container, labeled "Land O' Lakes Sour Cream" actually did contain sour cream.

Anthropological evidence has shown that the likelihood of finding a container in this household that actually contains the product written on its label is very rare, which makes today's discovery quite special indeed. When asked what she intended to do with the sour cream, the woman held the container up, squinted skeptically at its expiration date, and announced that she would be throwing the sour cream away and reusing the container to store leftovers at some later date. Then she nestled the container between a chicken carcass and a bottle of brown mustard and gingerly closed the door.

Adorable Niece Hogs All Attention At Father's Day Celebration

I spent the weekend in Perham celebrating my dad's birthday and father's day, which fell on the same day this year.

I love to give the babe airplane rides...though I must admit it was not such a brilliant idea right after her lunch. I ended up with a nice spot of baby puke on my neck.

Local Woman Loses All Credibility by Including Book About Pathetic 30-Something Single Woman in Pile of Break-up Recovery Books

I need some book recommendations, my friends.

Recent developments inspired me to put together a stack of non-relationship-intensive books that I can thrust into the hands of breaker-uppers and the-recently-broken-up-with as said individuals walk out my front door after a therapy session in the Sky Lounge. The stack, ideally, includes books with the power to transport the jilter/jiltee to a completely different place and make him/her forget about another human being whom he/she (1) may still care about; (2) recently ceased to care about but whose absence is nonetheless annoyingly felt; and/or (3) publicly claims to cease to care about while secretly, achingly, devastatingly still does care about.

Obviously, the single most important criterion is that the books MUST NOT DISCUSS RELATIONSHIPS OR LOVE. This is tricky, as discussions of relationships of any kind are pretty hard to avoid. The situation is complicated by the fact that pickings are slim, as my library is quite small (I eschew purchasing books at book stores, and frequently loan (read: give away) the occasional good title I might pick up at a thrift store). Anyway, I apprently blew it with a certain friend who reported that a book I had mindlessly tossed in the pile--Children of God Go Bowling, by Shannon Olson--is basically about a perennially single and sad thirty-something. It seems that I was so wrapped up in the NO RELATIONSHIPS criterion that I had forgotten to make sure that the relationshipless characters in a relationshipless book should not feel pathetic about their relationshipless status. Plus I had some vaguely happy memories of the book, which is written by a local author and was a surprisingly good, albeit light, read with a pretty cover to boot.

In light of my failings, I am asking for your help. I need a list of books that are really, really good, with the power to transport the reader from reality and are hard to put down. Am also not averse to fluffy books if they match the transport/put down criteria. Here are examples of a few books that I currently have on the pile:

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (Berendt)
The World According to Garp (Irving)
Me Talk Pretty One Day (Sedaris)
Memoirs of a Geisha (Golden)

Help?

Ambitious Bar Review Study Schedule Incites Snorts and Jeers

I just received an e-mail from the good folks at PMBR with a suggested study routine for me to follow this summer. To wit:

9:00AM-12:00PM – General bar review course
2:00PM-3:30PM – Complete your daily 50 Kaplan PMBR questions
3:30PM-5:00PM – Review the answers to your Kaplan PMBR questions
7:00PM-10:00PM – General bar review course work

Hilarious.

Make no mistake: If I followed the above routine, you would find me dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound or similar within two weeks. I do appreciate the generous two-hour meal breaks, which should provide just enough time for me to forage in my garden with a magnifying glass searching for some semblance of edible plant/vegetable. Perhaps I will begin to panic in early July when the exam seems a bit more imminent, but for now, I am content to just go to class and spend the rest of my days reading books (currently reading and LOVING: Consider the Lobster, by David Foster Wallace), going for walks/bike rides, and watering/observing my plants. I am joyfully spending as many hours on the patio as possible, pretending that my yard is actually a lovely thing, rather than a showcase of lazy-ass gardening and selective vision: overlook those dirt patches and dandelion weeds, please, and notice that I may have finally effectively transplanted enough Wandering Jew to provide a tangled purpley-green foundation for the Sinister Garden. I realize of course that the yard looks like something you might expect from a five-year-old if she decided to play Garden (a game very similar to House), but the patio remains marvelously shady as ever and the dirt patches disappear when I light the citronella torches at nightfall.

We just returned from a terrific weekend at Geoff's cabin. What a peaceful, lovely place to retreat, made lovelier still by the presence of good food, great friends, and perfect weather. Happily, the bar exam is still far enough away that I did not feel any nagging feeling that I ought to study rather than go swimming or canoeing or make another mojito. Highlights of the weekend include night swimming with my sweet husband and receiving a massage from Jess, Jason's girlfriend who is not only super excellent in every way but also happens to be a massage therapist who was generous enough to bring her massage table.