Tulips Ravished by Hoodlum Squirrels

I was so incredibly tickled when I arrived home on Thursday afternoon to see that three tulips had opened while I was taking my exam. I went in the house, threw a load of clothes in the wash, changed into my gardening clothes and stepped out the front door. That's when I saw the carnage. In the ten minutes I had been in the house, all of the heads had been bitten off my tulips. There were pieces of red petals and torn stems all over. It was a gruesome scene, and I expected to see little chalk outlines around the fallen tulip heads when I approached.

What a damn racket. I fretted over those tulips, fertilized them in the fall, watered them, and waited and waited for them to flower, peeking out the door excitedly each day to see if they were open yet. Then they popped open just long enough to be gulped by rodents. Damn it all. What a heartbreaker.

Not to be outdone by the hoodlum squirrels, I think I'll make some scarecrows to protect my crops this summer. Specifically, I want to make some (ceramic?) foxes and deck them out in paramilitary attire and give them some cute little pretend AK-47s.

Juice Skips Town

It's that time of year again--we're leaving for M's cabin later this afternoon, to study all weekend. But first I'm going to run over to LA's to pick up about 75 hosta shoots and stick 'em in my yard.

Oh, I finished the Biz Ass exam this morning. It was...fine.

Toodles!

World's Most Boring Class Rewards Those Who Can Stay Awake For It

Have I mentioned that I'm totally miserable right now? There's this sad sinking feeling of impending doom as I prepare for my Biz Ass exam (Thurs, 9 a.m.). I want to do well on the exam. Really. But if I try to go back and read the hundreds of pages I should have read earlier in the semester I know I will promptly fall asleep. This class was so. damn. boring. My goal is to get in and out without too much embarassment and without blowing my GPA.

As I sit here feeling sorry for myself, I try to think of happier times. Like a couple of weeks ago, when all of my sisters and I (and our adopted sister, Summ) went to The Strokes concert at the Orpheum.





My punk rocker little sisters LOVE The Strokes. Clearly, Mary was very excited to see them on stage.





The Orpheum is a weird place to watch a rock concert. It's too fancy, and not much room for dancing. We ran into my friend Jason at the show and we started dancing in the aisle. We were having a blast but then the theater gestapo showed up and shoved us back in our seats and demanded to see our tickets and threatened to kick us out. What the heck. Fun-haters.

Bush Says Poo Poo to Pesky Air Quality Laws

A quick little rant.

This irritates me. Specifically:

"He also directed the Environmental Protection Agency to use its authority to temporarily waive air quality laws in states if that would relieve a local gasoline supply shortage."

I don't mean to appear hysterical, but I'm drawing some strong correlations between the administration's response to the 9/11 attacks (suspend civil liberties) and response to the gas prices (suspend environmental standards). Aren't there better ways to deal? If we're really that concerned about the SUV drivers and those who insist on living so far from their place of work, let's lift the federal gas tax for awhile. I understand that the increased cost of transportation of goods will trickle down to the consumers, but I'm having a hard time feeling sorry for these massive fuel consumers. I think it's time to stop doing stupid shit (like waiving air quality laws) and start doing smart shit (use ethanol or other alternative fuels, promote hybrids etc.).

That is all. Thank you.

Elusive Messica Sighted Talking on Cell Phone at 11th and LaSalle Looking Totally Smokin' in Kelly Green Vintage Suit

Am glad to report that The Mess is still alive, though no one would know it based on her refusal to update her blog. She was looking totally fabulous in a snappy little vintage suit that fit her perfectly. I was looking decidedly not fabulous, having freshly emerged from the fog of an entire day spent in a basement study room and without even a smidge of lip gloss to give the appearance of giving a damn.

For First Time in Entire Life, Juice Described as "Graceful and Poised"

Yes, this is The Juice we're talking about. The same Juice who regularly trips over her own feet, talks faster than a Concorde Jet and trips over every other word, and has been spotted clambering through the passenger door of her car to reach the driver's seat. The same Juice who, when giving any type of speech in law school gets all flustered and red-faced and shakes and relies too heavily on her script. This is the Juice who thought she was going to puke the whole time she was waiting for her turn to argue. This is the Juice whose Christian name means "full of grace" or "graceful" but who has succeeded in being one of the biggest damn klutzes the world has known. That Juice.

That Juice was described by the three judges hearing the oral arguments as "graceful and poised."

It's true that these same judges told G that he was so awesome he would be the standard by which they would evaluate everyone else's arguments. It's true they didn't tell me that. But I don't think they told G he was graceful and poised. They told me I was graceful and poised.

And while I'm engaged in this shameless self-promotion, I'll add that my instructor told me I was so skilled that he wouldn't have guessed I was a 2nd-year law student.

I'm so glad I wore my pink suit. I think it helped me look graceful and poised.

Woman Carries Pepto Bismol in Hip Flask

When I stepped out of my house this morning, I was greeted by my yard’s first opened tulip. Yay! Lots of hostas are bursting out of the ground, and the shrubs are starting to turn green. I can’t wait to spend more time in the garden. I can’t believe it took me so long to discover the joy of growing things!

I’ve been a sickly thing (as my mom would say) lately. I got violently ill Thursday night. I was up all night puking my brains out. I was sick all day Friday and didn’t even make it past the bathroom until 9 a.m. Saturday. It was terrible. I suspect food poisoning. I was finally able to eat a full meal Sunday night, but my stomach was upset for hours afterward and I had to carry Pepto Bismol in my purse and chug it in the library when no one was looking. Dark days, my friends. No wonder my previous posts have been so sinister. I feel hungry, but I’m worried about eating. When I eat, my stomach gets all worked up. Summ has convinced me to try some soup for lunch. Getting sick during exams is the worst.

I have oral argument today for my appellate advocacy class. I’m actually kind of excited for the argument—I feel pretty good about my case, even though my hypothetical client comes off looking like a real jerk. I decided I needed to look likeable and confident to combat the jerkiness of my client, so I decided to wear my light pink suit. (Plus if I spill Pepto Bismol on myself while chugging it no one will be the wiser).

Wednesday Marks Twentieth Anniversary of Chernobyl Disaster

I stumbled upon this stunning collection of photographs documenting the lasting impact of Chernobyl. Be sure to roll over the bottom of the images for captions. (Thanks for the link, Treehugger!)

(Happy Earth Day, by the way. Props to my classmates who spent their Saturday cleaning up the Mississippi River. I was bit too distracted by my belly-aching and exam-studying to join them. Hopefully I can still give this little shout out.)

Lady Talking to Self at Next Table Distracts Student from Practice Exam

I've been chillin' out at the neighborhood coffee shop grappling with the finer points of agency law, various business entities, proxy solicitation, etc. I'm taking a practice exam and the lady has been sitting there carrying on a conversation with herself for a good half hour now. I'm not sure why it's distracting me so much. If she was talking to someone, I could tune her out just like I'm tuning out every other person in this place. For some reason I keep think she's trying to talk to me.

Speaking of strange people in my neighborhood, I swung by the fabulous Joolie Doolie's house to make a delivery yesterday and she greeted me at the door wearing her signature bib overalls and her hair all piled on top of her head and decorated with sparkles and vintage rhinestone barettes. Now, I've known Julie for a long time, and there are few things that she can wear anymore that will truly strike me as odd, but I did take pause at the glitter in the hair. It turns out that she and Z were preparing to chaperone the prom that night. Now I'm dying of curiosity, Jules--did you decide to wear the red ruffly dress or the metallic vintage Dior?

Student Has Nothing to Say. Really.

I've been studying for exams, feeling sick, and wondering if it's all worth it.

Minneapolis Woman's Stomach Unimpressed by Dinner

You know how sometimes meals can haunt you?

I like when the meal haunts in a good way (e.g. that fried tofu salad smothered in warm peanut sauce at that Malaysian restaurant on Winnetka Ave--I had it three years ago and still think about it), but sometimes it's a sad "why have you forsaken me?" kind of haunt, with occasional noisy temper tantrums. I am suffering the latter this evening due to my pathetic insistence upon creating a meal out of the meager contents of the fridge.

Since we're nearing exam time, I probably don't even need to tell you the grocery-shopping fairy has forsaken my household. So when I opened the fridge tonight (hoping for what, I don't know) I found the usual suspects: plain nonfat yogurt (sell-by date: April 6) (left over from March's yogurt-&-granola-for-breakfast kick), several different kinds of shredded/crumbled cheese, wide selection of beer and condiments, spinach (sell-by date: April 15), apples, half-eaten package of pepperoni, peanut butter, eggs (sell-by date: April 10). In the freezer: freezer-burned bag of chopped vegetables. In the cupboard: Rice noodles and water chestnuts.

I won't get into the details.

It was the worst meal I've had in my whole life.

I wish I could fall asleep, but my stomach won't shut up. It was NOT amused by my shenanigans.

Why, why, why didn't I just go downstairs to my big immaculate freezer and pull out one of those nifty containers of tasty chili that I froze earlier this year in anticipation of this very situation?

As Summer Nears, Juice Pulls Out List-Making Pen, Tries Not to Salivate

You know how I am. Lists, lists, lists. In addition to the "To Do" list, I have a "To Read" List and a "To Buy When Have Money" list. (I am really looking forward to getting a real paycheck. Don't get me wrong, waiting tables twice a month is swell, but dude, seriously.) There isn't much on that last one. A new sewing machine, mostly. I swanky one like like Sarah has. I don't have a "To Make" list, because I'm a little bit superstitious about that. I think the things somehow won't get done or lose their charm if I write them down. I also feel like since sewing/crafting is my outlet, it starts to feel like a chore if I make a to-do list of the things I wanna make. As for the reading list? Oh, boy. Currently, I have a stack of books on my little end table in the Sky Lounge, just begging for attention:

Until They Bring the Streetcars Back (Stanley Gordon West--local author)
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time (Haddon)
The Secrets of Jin-She-i (Alexander)
A Sunday at the Pool in Kigali (Courtemanche)
The Known World (E. Jones)
Collected Novellas, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Kitchen Confidential (A. Bourdain)
The Time Traveler's Wife (Niffenegger)
Breath, Eyes, Memory (Danticat)

In addition, I'm maintaining this list of books to read:

The Tortilla Curtain
Candide (Voltaire)
Atlas Unplugged (Ayn Rand)
Don Quixote
Animal Farm
Actual Innocence
Fast Food Nation
The Working Poor
Running with Scissors
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (Hunter S. Thompson)
Dude Where’s My Country
Founding Mothers, by Cokie Roberts
The Tipping Point
The Corrections, Jonathan Franzen
The Antelope, John Noonan
Beaches, Blood, and Ballots, by Gilbert R. Mason, M.D. (Black Doctor, Civil Rights/Biloxi)

So, ahhhh...thoughts on any of those? Or, (dare I ask)...Any recommendations?

Quiz Results Bring Great Joy to Peeps Lover

You Are Peeps

You're the type that's more likely to play with your food than actually eat it.

What Easter Candy Are You?

Juice Takes Reader Poll

Hypothetically, if you found out that someone you knew still had a Christmas wreath hanging on her (or his) door in late April, you would think she (or he) was:

a. Pathetic
b. Quirky
c. Nostalgic
d. Artistic
e. Probably just busy and she (or he) will take it down when she (or he) is damn ready to take it down so get off my (ahem...his/her) back, OK? And anyway, it (probably) looks kind of nice hanging on the red (or whatever color) door.
f. Other: ____________

Peeps Molested as Family Prepares Easter Dinner

I'll be leaving for the weekend to spend Easter with my family. I'm thinking about bringing an Easter Turducken to the family dinner:



Link, via BoingBoing.

Speaking of dinner, Shad and I had dinner on the patio tonight. The weather was so beautiful. I made a creamy pasta with portabellas, sun-dried tomatoes, and seafood, and we drank an Australian Shiraz, "Devil's Marbles." The wine was fruity, big, and good.

I spent most of the day doing homework on the patio, and spent the evening doing homework in the Sky Lounge. Does life get any more exciting? Much more to come--my first exam is April 27, in Biz Ass, the most boring class in the world.

Minneapolis Woman Can't Hear Voice of Inner Hypochondriac Due to Earbud-Induced Hearing Loss

When I first saw the reports about ipod earbuds causing hearing loss, I blew it off as hysteria. Like when I was younger I was told I'd lose sensation in my thumbs from playing too much Tetris, and maybe I did for awhile, I don't remember, but they're working fine now. But then a couple of weeks ago I spent something like 24 straight hours working on my appellate brief, and then I had to take a break to go to class so I took my earbuds out. Only then did I realize that I had been wearing the earbuds for the entire past 24 hours. And when I took them out, my ears felt like the buds were still in. ...and the next day, it still felt like I was wearing the buds when I wasn't. And ever since, I've been paranoid about hearing loss. (But not paranoid enough to give up the ipod. Don't let's be silly.)

I googled "ipod hearing loss" and began to peruse some of the 1.5 million articles that came up. I'm freakin' a little bit. It sounds like the main issues are volume and the length of time the buds are in. I don't think the volume thing is a problem for me, but the time is. I keep them on almost all the time when I'm studying.

What do you all think? Reason to worry? Are they OK if I never listen loud?

Chuck Wins!

Student government election results are in & Chuck won! I credit the PR director, of course.

Woman Thinks NOLA Should Make Houses Out of Highways

Remember that crazy crumpled-up interstate I saw in Mississippi?





Check out this super awesome house made out of a recycled highway. What a swell clean-up idea. And sturdier than the damn $170,000 FEMA trailers.

Cousin Weds Sweetheart in Northern Suburbs

My cousin got married on Saturday, and my whole family was in town for the event. It was great to see everyone. I don't have any pictures of the happy couple with me, but I scrounged up a few pics of my family.



My crazy siblings.
Back row: John (another follower of paul bunyan style); Greta; Kate; Pete;
Front: Moi; Sarah; Mary.



My momma, the super-genius, and me.



Mother of the groom (my Godmother, Rose), my dad, and the mystery reader from Austin, Texas.



My big sis.

Student Government Elections To Be Held This Week

I'm Chuck's publicity manager again. I've not been very good at it as I'm swamped with other crap, but I whipped up an ad during Evidence this morning.

Last year we went with the Marxist approach, but that wasn't successful (he lost in the 3rd run-off election), so this year, we're promoting his image as a nice and approachable guy as well as a fashion icon.

Spring Arrives!

I love spring with the same intensity that I hate winter. Every spring, my yard fills up with these pretty little purple flowers. I don't know what they are.



This spring is extra special, because my mom gave me some bulbs last fall. I plopped them in the ground and a few of them are starting to come up. So far there are two big purple flowers (hyacithe?)(sp?) and several shoots that I can't identify. I'll post pics later when they get bigger.

I also have a stubborn tulip that sprouts up on the corner of the house every year. I forgot about it when we put in the patio and flower bed this year. But alas, that didn't stop the little bugger from poking its way through the rocks. And, the rhubarb I put in last year is already starting to sprout. Yippee!

Students Scandalized By Phone Call

I was leaving a voicemail message for Shad while walking down the hall:

"Hi baby, I need you to help me deal with this Adult Friend Swinger Virus problem, it's seriously out of control."

Suddenly I look up and notice that there are two students who had oveheard my call and giving me veeeeeerrry strange looks.

What I meant: I have a computer virus. I get these pop-up ads all the time telling me to click here to find an adult friend/locate swingers in my area etc. Another ad asks if I want a F*** DATE TONIGHT written in all red capital letters. Needless to say, it is very classy to have these things pop up when I'm in class. I'm just glad I'm usually sitting in the back row.

But it's even classier to have people overhear that I have picked up some sort of swinger virus. Nice.

Juice Declares April Fifth "Every Dumb Ass Needs a Lucky Break Sometime" Day

Super congrats to M, who landed a sweet summer job at [super prestigious law office] despite significant obstacles that were placed in his path by his worst enemy (himself).

A few months ago, M sent me a writing sample and asked me to take a look at it so he could use it for job applications. Being the diligent student and caring friend that I am, I spent several hours on the document and made numerous changes and notations using the "Track Changes" feature. Then I emailed it back to him.

Now, M is obviously a highly intelligent human being, which is why this next part of the story is puzzling. M could not figure out how to get rid of the "Track Changes" stuff. Instead of asking Yours Truly for assistance, he attempts to solve the problem himself and is unable to do so.

Fast forward a couple of months. He applies for the job at [super prestigious law office]. They contact him via email and ask him to send a writing sample. He clicks a button that says "Hide marked changes" or something like that and sends it to them.

This morning, M finds himself interviewing at [super prestigious law office]. His interviewer pulls out his writing sample, and from across the desk, he can see all the little word balloons in the right margin. He had sent them the writing sample with all my comments on it! OMG! OMGWTF?!

(Okay, I had to take a little break to roll on the floor/laugh my ass off at M's expense. Am back.)

You see, I had made a lot of changes. And I had written a lot of comments. And several of my comments were not very, um, professional.

So M comes back to school feeling like a big dope and we all laughed our asses off at (with) him and probably didn't make him feel much better, but he had a pretty decent que sera sera attitude about the whole thing. We were helping him envision how the whole staff must just be rolling with laughter at that stupid writing sample as he walked out the door, etc.

Anyhoo, he got a call that afternoon with a job offer from [super prestigious law office]. Holy shit! He must have rocked them in that interview. And he received a second job offer today, too. Wow. What a lucky duck.

So, congrats to M. That was one of the klutziest, punkiest, boneheadest things I've ever heard. Lucky, lucky, lucky duck.

Hennepin County Offers Classes on Eco-Friendly Landscaping

Local folks--If you get the chance, you might want to check out some of the earth-friendly landscaping classes that Hennepin County is offering this spring.

Crows Plan Attack on Sky Lounge

I am not lying. There is a whole murder of crows circling around the tree in my front yard and cawing their creepy little heads off. Since I'm sitting here in the Sky Lounge, they are super close, and really loud, and I'm totally creeped out. I've seen The Birds, you know. Plus just now I noticed that there is a little tear in the screen so I know they've been planning their attack. Crap. There's like 30 of them. I wish I had a camera to prove it. I can see the whole rest of the block from here, and there aren't birds anywhere except circling outside my window. What the heck is in that tree? I'm super creeped out, dudes.

So...ah....I turned in that brief today, and feel pretty pleased with it. Of course it was the usual shenanigans, I stayed up all night to finish it, went to school all day jacked up on caffeine, etc. I got done with class at 7 and came right home. Now I'm planning to stay up for a few hours so I don't fall into a weird sleep schedule. So I was just chillin in the Sky Lounge with my homework when those damn birds showed up. Seriously, what the hell? Maybe there's a dead body in the tree. Will investigate later.

James Taylor Sneaks Onto Ipod, Instantaneously Causing Woman to Fall Asleep in Middle of Library

Same old story. Procrastinated on my appellate brief, which is due tomorrow. I didn't mean to procrastinate...I was distracted by the Mississippi trip, and Law Journal crap, and the symposium, and, well, heck. Whatever. But I'm feeling quite calm about the situation and have been making steady progress. I love writing these things. Ciao.