Professor Rudely Interrupts Boggle Game to Grill Student About Stupid Case

My Bankruptcy class is taught by a federal bankruptcy judge. The judge called on me this morning. Perhaps I was just feeling techy about having my WEBOGGLE game interrupted, I'm not sure, but for some reason I decided to take issue with the outcome of the case he asked me about. I think I defended my position well, but for some reason he would not let go of the issue. He grilled and grilled and grilled. I was casting sidelong glances at M & G: Jeeze, what the hell? I just kept arguing and maintained my position--the trial court had reached what I would consider a just result, but the outcome was totally unsupported by the bankruptcy statute. (I apparently became a strict textualist? Was obviously just cranky.) Finally he revealed that this was his case; he had written the original opinion and I had just spent several minutes telling him that he was wrong. Great. It turns out that the eighth circuit upheld his decision, but another panel of the eighth circuit that was contemporaneously deciding the same issue in a different case agreed with me. Super.

In other news, Car ran away. After three days, Shad went to look for her at the pound. She was there. Poor kitty. It's probably best that she's back. It is not safe to have Car roaming the streets of North Minneapolis since she has a refined taste for human blood.

Friends Celebrate Fall in Embarrassingly Festive Fashion

Yesterday my good pal Nathan hosted "Fall Ball." He decorated his entire house in balloons, crepe paper, and other goodies, and posted a schedule on the wall listing an entire day of festivities, starting with flag football and drinking at 1 p.m. and culminating in an evening dance/roll-in-the-hay. The highlight of the day, though, was THE PARADE!

Unfortunately, we spent most of the float-building time kicking back and drinking, and there was concern that the overall caliber of the floats would suffer as a result. Finally, Nathan called an end to the ass-sitting and rallied the troops.



We quickly gathered whatever materials we could find to ensure that the parade would be an appropriately festive affair.



At least one of the floats was mildly inappropriate. But what do you expect? You can't take joLynn anywhere.



Nathan gave a rousing speech to gear up for the parade, and we were both deeply moved and thoroughly confused by the proposed route.



We set aside any misgivings about the route and began our jolly and rambunctious journey. I played "Those Were the Days" on my trumpet, accompanied by Dylan on the accordion, and there was singing and spirited marching.



People at the Chatterbox Pub pointed out the windows and laughed at us like we were some kind of freaks. This buoyed our spirits.

Happy fall, everyone!

Law Student Survives Entire Night Without Scary Dreams

As many of you know, I'm planning this big symposium that is taking place in two weeks. I have dozen professors and judges traveling here from across the country, a couple hundred people attending, and am organizing everything from the travel to the paper topics to the cornacopia (sp?) table decorations. Everything is under control, but it is everpresent in my mind, and I am having dreams every night that something has gone wrong. Two nights ago, I dreamed that I had forgotten to arrange the transportation for the contributors, so everyone had shown up for the symposium, and the presenters were all sitting at the airport, mad. Before that, I dreamed that all the contributors arrived, but no one came to watch except for my grandparents. Before that, I dreamed that I could not attend the symposium at all because I had to compete in the final episode of Project Runway. Anyway, no dreams last night. Thank God. It really stinks to spend the whole night worrying and basically working and then I wake up tired.

I just received an email from Lisa at Recyclaholics asking me to attend this year's Wearables Party on November 4 so that I can crown the new winner. The timing simply could not be better (ahem) since it's in one week, and right before the symposium. And there is certainly no pressure to make something awesome (ahem) since I won last year. Crap. But I do thrive on a good challenge, so I'll make the time to come up with something. I had hoped of course to make a dress of keyboard keys, but even with the donations from many of you, I don't have enough. I would need so many keyboards to pull it off. I had a dream last week (one of a few inexplicable project runway dreams I've had in the past few weeks) that I created a fabulous dress out of paper bags. Perfect craftsmanship in my dream of course, and given my actual skills and available time, I'm skeptical of my ability to pull it off. My other thought is a dress made of recycled legal pads, which I use constantly and have scattered all over the place. That one would be more appropriate given my situation, but more difficult than the paper bags and I'm not terribly excited about working with paper again (easily perforated/ripped). But my objective generally is to attempt to recycle things that truly do accumulate in my home. So it's either legal pads or cat food tins and those black plastic six-packs that plants come in. I have so many of those that I don't throw away and am not sure if I can recycle. So they just pile up in the garden shed year after year. Well, now I am rambling. Please let me know your thoughts & ideas on this situation.

Blogger Inspired by CNN

We at Ugly Juice are always striving to improve our headline making. We were so pleased to see this on CNN tonight. We fear we can never compete with reality.

Porn star gives up candidacy to be with sick mom.

It's sweet. We love it. We're inspired. We apologize for all the crummy headlines you've had to deal with over the past two years.

Ugly Juice Discovers She Has Same Personality Profile as Ronald Reagan

For class (Negotiations) we took the Meyers Briggs and a guy came in to explain what everything means. Turns out that I am an ENFJ, just like The Pirate of Selby Avenue. Also, just like Ronald Reagan. Why is it so satisfying to see the results of a personality quiz? Is it just encouraging to learn that I'm not a weirdo?

Oh, I think my favorite part of the description is "ENFJs are socially adept and make excellent companions and mates." Am I a pet monkey?

If you know your profile, post it in the comments so I can look you up. I love this crap.

Woman Abducted from Coffee Shop and Forced to Spend Three Hours at IKEA

Yesterday was a strange day. I walked to the coffee shop looking like a total slob (I think I did shower, but probably didn't even comb my hair, certainly no bra, several shirts layered on top of each other topped by a cat-hair covered fleece, a black stocking cap, etc.). I detail my slobby outfit because I really did not think I'd have to see actual people; little did I realize I'd be abducted from the coffeeshop and not returned home until the wee early morning hours. I was at Steamworks happily tapping away at my laptop when suddenly Shad's face appeared right next to mine. "Let's go to IKEA and get some meatballs," he said. It did not occur to me until I looked into his eyes at that very second how desperately I wanted to stuff some meatballs into my body. We left immediately and soon were blissfully shoveling gravy- and lingonberry- covered balls of MSG into our mouths. I looked down to see a blondie kid charging towards us with his dad leaning down to catch him. The kid, it turns out, is my little cousin Lucas, with my uncle Matt. We sat down to talk to Matt & Angie for quite a while, they had baby Sonja with, of course, so I got to hold her for a long time while we chatted. I hate big box stores. They suck the life right out of me. Despite my crazed desire for meatballs, if I had known when I walked into the doors of IKEA that we would not leave until three hours later, I would have run for my life. And here we had already spent more than an hour eating meatballs and talking to M&A, and we had not even begun the trek through the store. Urg. By the time we reached the rugs section, I was ready to just plop down on the floor and die. That's when we saw Daniele and Maureen, sitting on a couch, looking like they, also, could use a nap. They scooted over to make room for us, and we plopped down next to them. We do so enjoy D&M. We talked to them forever. As we talked, two more people that I knew walked by. The day was turning weird like the epic and strange dreams I have at night, stuck in a big place that doesn't make sense, running into random people, etc. Anyway, just writing about IKEA is starting to drain the life out of me. Even though I love my husband dearly and appreciate every second I get to spend at his side. We eventually made it out of the store. Three hours later. I bought two packages of napkins.

It was dark outside when we left IKEA. We ran a few errands and then to the King Mini International headquarters for an excellent night of revelry.

Gene, you asked me a while back to list some of my favorite wines at World Market. There's a fantastic red made by Corbieres, it's called Les Deux Rives. I think it's the best buy at the store--$6.99. It's a blend of grenache and syrah and some other things, great with cheese or if you're just lounging around reading a book. We also get our Bonny Doon syrah here for ten bucks, this has been a favorite of ours for years, and that's the best price I find it. We picked up a new cabernet last night, The Show. It was good, and more importantly, has a cool label. But it cost a whopping thirteen dollars, so it does not even qualify as a finalist in my quest to find the perfect cheap red, a position that continues to be held by Concha Y Toro.

I often feel grumpy on Sunday afternoons. The weekend is over and I inevitably have a bunch of crap to do for school or work the next day so I can't just sit around and read like I want to. This Sunday is no exception.

Juice Returns Book to Library Two Weeks Before It is Due

Here's how it happened. When I finished reading the book, I set it next to my purse. In the morning, when I left the house, I picked up both the purse AND the book and put them in the car. When I arrived at school, I picked it up from the passenger seat along with my purse and carried it into the school. From there, all I needed to do was take a ten second detour through the library on my way to the law review office. The whole episode was astonishingly easy. I may do it again.

Last night we saw Al Franken speak at the Barnes & Noble at Har Mar. He was hilarious of course, and down-to-earth, and great. We picked up a copy of The Truth (with Jokes) and had it signed. (The paperback, by the way, came out after Katrina, and contains an extra chapter that is not in the hardcover edition.) After the talk, we swung by the party at Make, then caught a late movie--Man of the Year, which was terrible and a complete waste of time.

I see that it is 38 degrees outside, which is distressing because I like to walk to the coffeeshop on Saturdays, and the joy of the walk does not trump the fact that I am a big fat baby about the cold. Perhaps I will bundle up and pretend it is early February.

Patience Tested by Flat Tire

During the past several months, I've been making an effort to become a more patient person. Some of you may disagree, but I think it's working. Tonight, I saw actual results. On my way to the grocery store, Kia got a flat tire. (Driver's side rear; of course, this is not one of the two tires that I replaced a couple of weeks ago.) Amazingly, I did not mutter a single unholy word under my breath. I calmly pulled into the nearest parking lot and opened the trunk to pull out the spare. Then I remembered that I am far too klutzy to change a tire without getting grease all over the cream-colored suit that I had just picked up from the cleaners. Feeling like a total girl, I called AAA. I patiently read my book (On Beauty, by Zadie Smith) as I waited for them to show up. I went to the Wedge, picked up food for dinner, and drove home at 50 mph all pleased with myself for handling the situation like a mature adult instead of having a hissy fit. Now I'm driving around with a donut, wishing I had sold the car last week, as intended. But my blood pressure has remained rock steady. I'm pleased.

The average battered woman returns to her abuser eight times. There is no doubt, of course, that I have been in an abusive relationship with the Kia for nearly seven years. I have forgiven her various transgressions a million times. I have a disturbingly short memory when it comes to that car. I've been so happy driving her around since I got the new tires, since Matt fixed the brakes, and even though she is currently going through a phase where I am the only one in the world who knows how to start her. (There's a magical combination of pressing the clutch just so and turning the key just right...Matt is going to take a look at this situation for me this week.) I've been meaning to sell her to some pathetic unsuspecting soul, but the heat is currently working, and there is air in the tires, and it's above zero, so the doors are opening and shutting, so she seems like the perfect car if you overlook the um, cosmetic imperfections and lack of power steering and other superfluous features. Also I hit a bump just right this weekend and the dashboard lights turned on. Joy!

As fate would have it, Greta is leaving for Korea in a few weeks, and was planning to park her Buick LeSabre for the year. She has offered to loan it to me for the year instead. This is perfect. Hopefully in a year, I'll be in a position to get some decent wheels, and meanwhile I'll at least have a vehicle that has heat in the winter, and I only need it to drive to school and back anyway, ten miles a day, tops. My Grandpa is on a grand mission to get all of his children and grandchildren into a Buick LeSabre, so I'm sure he'll be quite pleased with the arrangement. He's been incredibly successful in this quest so far. It's embarrassing.

Against Better Judgment, Woman Buys a Bunch of Plants from Home Depot That Will Probably Die Within Two Weeks

This afternoon Shad and I went to Big Brain to buy some comics, grabbed some food at Noodles & Co., and then went to Home Depot where I loaded up on plants and we picked up a rake, which Shad used while I did the planting. Please don't ask where I received this undeserved optimism re my ability to keep plants alive, especially plants from Home Depot. I picked up some hydrangeas and plopped them in the ground and potted half a dozen house plants. Wish me luck.

I spent the evening with Greta the Great. We visited our new little cousin, Sonja, and instantly fell in love. She's four days old.





Feeling festive, we lit the jack-o-lanterns on the front stoop. Then we polished off a bottle of wine in the Sky Lounge.

Precious Kitty Attempts to Seduce Vulnerable Woman

I went for a short run this morning, then returned to the house and thought idly about working in the yard. Fortunately, it didn't take long to come up with an excuse not to--the neighbor kid absconded with the leaf rake last year and we haven't gotten around to replacing it. Which is too bad because it is a glorious day and if I keep this up we are going to end up putting the storm windows up in December if at all. Is there any good reason not to just keep the leaves on the ground until Spring anyway? *shrug* I grabbed my laptop and walked to the coffee shop to work on some law review stuff.

There is some concern that I am coming down with Stwall Syndrome (a serious infliction that causes a strong and inexplicable desire to adopt stray kitties). The fluffy little kitty I saw today was probably only a month or two old, curled up on the sidewalk, blinking in the sun. OMG, so cute. The kitty knew I was suffering from Stwall Syndrome; she yawned seductively and her eyes followed me accusitorily as I walked by. I really did want to scoop it up and bring it home to feed to Car. Then I remembered that cute little kitties grow up fast and become really annoying, e.g. puke, mangle rolls of paper towels, sit on my book when I'm trying to read, sit on my hands when I'm trying to type, etc. And they shed hair everywhere, which drives me up the freakin' wall. And it would make things easier for me if they would just learn to use the toilet. Somehow, I still like them. Anyway, true Stwall Syndrome does not manifest itself in the desire to adopt cute kitties. No, the acute sufferers are prone to take home cats that are dirty and mangled, uber-pregnant, or likely to require thousands of dollars of care and surgery. And the worst sufferers adopt so many cats that they cannot adopt anymore and instead they pass the strays on to friends who take them into their homes whilst their spouses are stuck in the library studying for exams and can't protest. Not that I'm bitter. I'm just cranky because The Wiz slept on my neck last night.

Some pals and I went to the Highland Theater last night and watched The Departed. I liked it. I also just finished reading Running With Scissors, by Augusten Burroughs. It was such a great book, mortifying and funny at the same time. Greta is coming to visit this afternoon, and we may go over to uncle Matt's to visit our new little cousin, who was born a few days ago. That's it for now...toodles!

Couple Holds Out For Visit From Leaf-Raking Fairy

What a wonderful day. I took a long walk through the neighborhood. The air was crisp, the sky bright blue, and colorful fall leaves were falling and rustling across the sidewalk. I listened to the Amelie soundtrack as I walked, which lent my whole day a vaguely magical and dramatic air. At one point, I looked down at the sidewalk and saw that there tiny round shadow next to my own shadow. I looked over and noticed that there was a bumblebee buzzing right alongside me. It walked beside me, hip-level, for half a block, like a little pet. I could have had it on a leash or something. Yes, an enchanted day. I walked to Stacy's house and played with her baby for a few hours, then to the coffee shop to read my book. I left at 10:30 this morning, and returned home just a short while ago. Given the general feeling of enchantment, I was certain that the cleaning fairies would have visited whilst I was away. No dice. Shad is at the book festival so it's just me and the kitties, who refuse to be trained in the art of staying off the table, much less the arts of dish washing and toilet cleaning. My hands were shaking and I realized I had forgotten to eat all day so I heated up some tasty leftovers from Buca. Those four enormous trees in my yard are so very lovely, I know, but this time of year I can't help resenting them a bit. Shad and I are holding out. We say we'll rake it tomorrow, or next weekend...but each of us is ready to slip twenty bucks to the neighbor kid while the other isn't looking.

I'm on break from school for the week. I'm planning to work full time, so it may not be terribly break-y but at least I won't have to do homework. I've been planning a symposium that is now only a few weeks away, so things are coming to a head. I think I'm managing to remain sane while being tugged at from all sides and I hope that I've not become to difficult to deal with. But I'll tell you who is difficult to deal with--Car. She has decided to sit on my hands. So I better go.

Minneapolis Woman Rescued by Crave Case

Why did I take Bankruptcy? Why? It is boring as shit, and I fall asleep every time I try to read the materials. I've skipped a couple of the classes already. I'm up to get called on tomorrow and I am trying to read but can't see for all the drool that is falling from my mouth onto the page. And he makes us read a million pages for each class. AND I didn't even know statutes could subdivide this much. e.g., the answer to the problem I just did is sec. 548(a)(1)(B)(ii)(III). How does he expect me to stay awake long enough to write all that? I'm getting hand cramps. And I am burdened with guilt at having worked so hard to convince M & G to take the class with me. To make things worse the professor calls on people all the time. It's two stinkin credits, he shouldn't care so much. For a two credit class you should be able to just read the nutshell and show up for the final exam. Why is he calling on us? Does he think we're in kindygarten? We're big kids now. If we choose to kick back and let the ass-kissing hand-raisers answer all of the questions while the rest of us IM and play Sudoku then that's okay. We've earned the right.

I feel like I read a few months ago about a good nonfiction book about the 1918 influenza epidemic that had recently been published. Do any of you know what I'm talking about? Can you tell me the title & author?

I made a peanut chicken curry dish last Wednesday with tons of leftovers. I've been eating it every day. It's either that or the hippie lasagne I made this weekend. This is worse than the lentil situation circa Spring 2006. Anyhoo, I bring this up only because one would think the abundance of leftovers in the fridge would prevent me from asking Shad to pick up White Castle on the way home. I mean, I was joking. Sorta.

Shad says:
I'm tiowd
The Petosker says:
me too
The Petosker says:
I'm hungry.
The Petosker says:
Will you go to white castle & get me a crave case?
Shad says:
sure
Shad says:
YOU SAID IT...YOU'RE GETTING A CRAVE CASE.

Student Mourns Lost Weekend

It was a decent weekend. Ignored schoolwork for the most part, which is as it should be. We went to the Comic Con on Saturday and I left with my arms full of minicomic love. I saw THE Batmobile from the original Batman, which was most excellent, as I've seen and loved every episode of that show. We spent the rest of the afternoon at a coffeeshop reading, then dinner at Daniele & Maureen's. Daniele is Italian, an excellent cook, and Shad's twin in so many ways (e.g. He too is a designer with an apparent phobia of hanging things on walls. Maureen and I commiserate...). We talked all night and had a great time. On our way to D&M's we stopped at World Market to grab some wine and I meandered into the store. They have some really fantastic jewelry. I picked up some outlandish earrings that were half as big as my head. Shad just smiled, shook his head, and said "I know what kind of old lady you're going to be." I squinted my eyes at him and in defiance I bought the earrings and put them on immediately. I looked at myself in the mirror hours later. I looked ridiculous. Whatever. I don't care if I grow up to be a crazy old lady who talks to squirrels. At least I won't be lonely. Especially if they talk back. Today I slept in, went for a walk, did a bunch of homework at the coffeeshop, hung out in the Sky Lounge with a friend, made lasagne for dinner, did laundry... Crikey, could this be any more mundane? (Did I mention I cleaned the oven?) Okay, I'll think of something else to talk about.

Ahem. I just finished a good book--Veronica, by Mary Gaitskill (if you've seen the movie, Secretary, it was based on one of her stories). It was a deep dark and lonely story, and the writing was simple but rich, and it gets richer the more I think about it. I also read Persepolis this weekend, which is one of my favorite things, a nonfiction graphic novel. The author, Marjane Satrapi, will be speaking in Minneapolis at the end of the month, and I want to read all her books before we go see her.

The respiratory infection seems to have passed, and I'm feeling a bit better. Sorry for all the emails I didn't respond to the last week or so. I have been both underwater and grumpy. Speaking of grumpy, I hate Sunday nights. The weekend is never long enough... Boo hoo.

Juice Makes It Though Almost Entire Week Without Leaving Lights on

The level of incompetence is truly astonishing, I know. I got new tires on the Kia on Saturday, and I've been driving her again. Not one to hold a grudge, I have already forgotten all the bad times and I regret hating her. I suppose it helps that the fan/heater is currently working. We were planning to sell her but man it is nice to have two cars. Anyhoo, I have remembered to turn the lights off every day for the past five days. Not today, though. God, I'm such a klutz. There was this. Yesterday I got distracted while parking and rammed into the wall. (No damage or anything--just hit my bumper, but kind of embarassing, I mean jeeze.) I also tripped up the stairs in the library this week. It's been a few months at least since I've done that. In front of people, I mean.

Shad and I celebrated our five year anniversary tonight. We drove home separately and I totally beat him home. It was a fun night. We grabbed some appetizers at Jasmine Deli and then went to the Walker to hear a talk by the founders/editors of Giant Robot. They were really funny, smart, interesting. It was a great event. We bummed through the museum awhile. Then to Wasabi, that new restaurant on Washington Ave. It was TOTAL CRAP. The service was awful, my gimlet cost TEN DOLLARS, the sushi was totally lacking in interest and tastiness, the squid and vegetable tempura were greasy, and we left wanting to puke. I will never go there again. You shouldn't either.

Instant Runoff Voting Animation is Groovy

Big Time Attic recently completed this neat-o animation to promote instant run-off voting. MNSpeak is discussing the animation here.