Mere Thought of Rhubarb Makes Ugly Juice Swoon

Tonight I was running around Crystal Lake and I saw tons of rhubarb plants. Is that rhubarb okay to eat? My mouth started watering when I thought about Molly's mom's rhubarb punch. I pretty much love anything that is made with rhubarb, but the punch beats all. First, you boil the rhubarb down to make a juice. Strain it. Then add a batch of lemonade mixed from concentrate and one batch of strawberry or cherry kool-aid, with the sugar and water mixed as directed. Stir it all together and you have delicious rhubarb punch. It's a party in your mouth and throat and belly, just screaming SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER all the way down.

So, does anyone know the skinny on planting rhubarb? Does it need a lot of sun? Can I just throw a stalk in the ground? Seeds? Keep in mind I can't grow anything. The double impatiens I planted on Sunday in the little yard-light planter are already turning brown. I am such an incompetent gardener. I think I could do rhubarb though. It seems to just crop up all over the place.

Recovering Runner Eats too many Chipotle Burritos, Forced to Pound Pavement Once Again

I've been running lately. I hate running. HATE it. But, I gained some weight this past year, and I'm forcing myself to run 25 miles a week until my clothes start to fit right again.

Mostly, it is just so boring. But I do love to be outside, and running is a pretty efficient way to get exercise. So I do it. It would seem that running would be a good time to work out my problems in my head or otherwise keep myself entertained, as it is one of the only times in the day when I'm really alone and with nothing better to do. This does not happen. There is something about the repetitiveness of running, I'm not sure, I can't get myself to concentrate on any one thing for very long. I do enjoy listening to music when I run, but my little MP3-player-thingy broke, and I haven't purchased a new one. I thought maybe I should get some language tapes or something. I'm sure I could pick up a little walkman for around twenty bucks.

One thing that I do when I run is try to list all of the things that I hate more than running. This doesn't take very long. (Exams, being cold, waking up thirsty, cleaning the bathroom, digging holes in the backyard). Then I try to think about fun times I've had running. Actually, there have been good times. When Misti, Tonya, and I were training for the marathon, we usually ran together, which made the run more tolerable. Tonya is a great running buddy, always game for the early a.m. runs. We even roped Firooz into a couple of runs. Firooz is hilarious. He's a friend from my sophomore year of college, who I keep in touch with very sporadically and we seem to call each other just on random occasions. The last time I spoke to him was about five months ago, I was trying to get him to go to Scott & Beth's disco party with me (he's the only person I know with a real 'fro wig). He said he'd call me back and he never did. About four months prior, I showed up at a party his fraternity was throwing at the U (he's a law student, one year ahead of me). I probably hadn't spoken to him in about a year before that. He introduced me to everyone at the party as his best friend. Anyhoo, Tonya and I called him at the last minute one day to go on a 4:30 a.m. run with us (We needed to get 18 miles in before work that day), and he was like oh, sure, pick me up at 4:15. And he ran the whole damn thing even though he is not really a runner--that is, I don't think he runs unless we call him. Miles 16-18 he sang the whole way. That's Firooz, always game. But HOW does he do that?

I also think about the marathon itself. I never could have done it but for all the friends who jumped in to run with me. The day of the run, we left Misti behind right away (she was injured), and Tonya and I ran about the first half together. Adam jumped in at Mile 3, with the idea of running six miles with me even though he was hung over, and I don't think he had slept. Well, he had made a T-shirt that said "Go Anna!" so everyone was cheering for me as we ran, and I felt like a celebrity. Well, Adam hadn't arranged a ride back for himself, so when my mom and aunt Ann jumped in at mile 9, he just kept running. Mom and Ann jumped out at mile 12, and Danni and Samia were going to pick me up, but they weren't there, so Adam just kept going, to keep me company. Turns out Danni and Samia WERE there, but they missed me, so they ended up having to sprint a mile to catch up with me. Those girls are beautiful (Danni is a model) and were dressed all in black, as was Adam, so I was feeling like I was being escorted by the secret service or something. Plus they were all really hyper and getting the crowd to cheer and everything. How could I not have fun? At around mile 18, Adam finally jumped out (!!!), having found a bus that could take him home. He took off the Go Anna shirt, which was given to Amy, who jumped in at mile 20. Well, Amy put the shirt on inside out. The inside of the shirt said simply in white letters: "FUCK COLEMAN." Bah-HAH! Though the sentiment ring true, there were kids around, after all. She quickly flipped it back around. So, still plugging along, and getting tired by mile 21. I was not having as much fun anymore. Since we were finally in St. Paul, I thought it would be over any minute. But that last 5 miles were like 10 miles each. It was hell. My mom and Ann jumped in again near the end, and by that time I was dragging. Danni and Samia wouldn't let me stop to walk. I ran the whole way (except the rest stops). The best feeling is seeing Wellstone's bus and knowing you really are almost done. My goal was to run the thing at 4 hours 50 minutes. I came in at 4:45. When I stepped across the finish line, my first thought was: "Who would ever do that twice?" Turns out people do. Lunatics.

Jury Still out on Whether Necktie Skirt "Good" Funky or "Bad" Funky

Basically, the skirt suffers from an unwieldy shape. Also it's really stiff--feels like wearing a lampshade. (A plastic lampshade that has melted and warped?) Perhaps a photo of this creation will be posted at a later date and some feedback can be given.

We spent most of the day working in the yard. For those of you who have had the distinct pleasure of visiting my backyard, you can appreciate what a daunting task this is. The yard is pretty small, and built on a slope. When we moved in, there was a huge brush pile, random piles of rocks, weeds, dandelions, crabgrass, etc. There are big trees and lots of dirt. It's not pretty. I used to wear safety goggles when I mowed the lawn (what there was of it). We have not yet tackled any yard projects to date. Well, the plan for this summer is to put in a patio and a privacy fence. I dream of having a nice little space in the backyard to sit with a book and a glass of red wine without disruption from the five kids in the house to the right of us, and anywhere from 4-8 kids in the house to the left.

The man who built our house in the late 1940s lived in it for over 50 years. There was one owner between us and him, who lived there for three years, and didn't do much to the place. What we know about the original owner, John, is that he was a Burma Shave sign painter. Also, he was a crafty, handy guy, who finished the upstairs (aka "The Clubhouse" and "Big Time Attic") in pine, and the downstairs is also all finished off in pine, with built-in bookshelves and a little bar. All of these pine boards are actually recycled Burma Shave signs. He put in shelves throughout the basement using recycled BurmaShave signs, and I noticed today when cleaning the garage that part of the garage is actually built of recycled signs.

The other thing about John is that he collected rocks and threw them in the backyard. A neighbor told us that he actually had a huge rock garden in the backyard that was subsequently (perhaps by his children, after his death) destroyed. I think many of the rocks were hauled away or thrown into miscellaneous piles. But these are not ordinary rocks. I'm sure we've dug up more than 100 pieces of petrified wood, for example. Today, we found a dinosaur egg. We want to use these materials as much as possible to landscape--I think we'll use the rocks to create the walls of flowerbeds around the patio.

Little brothers have, of course, been conscripted to assist in the patio project. Toby was out there digging in the dirt with me all day. I called brother John this evening to ask if he could come down and help put in the pavers, etc. He's going to call back in a few days to confirm, but he may come down as early as next Saturday! Joy! Bliss! Brother John is great. I love to work on projects with him. He's just two years younger than me and we were best buddies growing up. My mom taught us how to sew and we made stupid little stuffed animals ("Stuffies"). He, Pete, and I spent many hours out in dad's shop and working on "the fort." We had the most incredible fort you ever saw. There was an upstairs and a downstairs, a princess tower, a secret ladder connecting to a treehouse, an alligator pit (duh), trap-doors (double-duh), a dungeon (goes without saying), a gangplank, etc. It was all built from wood salvaged from when we remodeled our house. The square footage of the thing was probably more than my first two apartments. Sadly, my dad burned it down in a "freak accident" while I was in college...

Shad, Toby, and I rewarded ourselves for a day of hard work by having Chinese for dinner. Some clients from my office were seated at the table next to us, so I stopped by to say hello, and they ended up picking up our tab. Neat!

Blissful Weekend Full of Sewing Projects Promises to Help Pull Ugly Juice Out of Funk

Three day weekend! Woo hoo! I am going to sew, sew, sew.

Also, Arc's Value Village is having a Memorial Day sale--50% off EVERYTHING! They're open from 9 to 6 on Monday. I'm planning to raid the New Hope store, since I went to the Brooklyn Center store three times last week and have pretty much cleaned them out.

By the way, if you are a size 4-6, the Brooklyn Center store has something like 7 or 8 Escada skirt-suits right now. Some woman must have cleaned out her closet. The suits are all in really nice condition, and super cute. If I were that size, I'd bag them all.

Car Poised to Conquer in Kitten War

When we brought Car home, we tried to name her Captain Fantastic, but it was too late. The name "Car" had already stuck (stupid name little sisters came up with)(they are also generally responsible for naming the miscellaneous livestock, just so you know.)

Unrelated: I stole this link, Crying While Eating, from Joolie doolie. Funny. If you scroll down, you'll see Zander's cousin, Ted.

Minneapolis Woman Raids Local Thrift Store for Ugly Neckties

Arc's Value Village sells bags of neckties (approx 8-10 per bag) for $1.69. I saw them when I went there last week, but I didn't pick them up. But then I went home, and thought, man, I could make something really cool with those ties. (Like, ahem...a bag?) So, I went back there and loaded up on about 7 bags of them. Last night I began sewing them together length-wise to make a skirt (using the points as the hem). I had so much fun that I went back tonight and bought all the rest of the bags. Now I'm starting to get one of my crazy ideas...I'm thinking about sewing a blazer to match the skirt, so I have a tie-suit. Get it? (It's a social commentary on the historical domination of males in the legal profession, duh.)

See, this coming fall, second-year students have OCI (on-campus interviews), and all the big firms come to campus, and you give them your resume and crap, and they size you up, interview, etc, to offer summer clerkships for the following summer. I plan to do OCI, why not. Anyhoo, our career services lady is kind of strange about some things, and she insists that everybody wear a blue suit for OCI. This isn't a joke. She read some study that blue suits are best to wear for interviews or something. So she provided a list of things that we are REQUIRED to have for OCI--a leather portfolio, a writing sample, etc. etc., and a blue suit. The tone of these instructions was such that one fully expects to be disqualified from OCI if one refuses to purchase the requisite blue suit. What, are we flight attendants? I think this is ludicrous. Why do I have to go out and buy a blue suit, when I have a perfectly good hot pink skirt-suit? (Bah-hah! Just kidding, but I do have a snappy little black wool skirt-suit that I plan to wear.) So I'm thinking, out of pure piss and vinegar, I'll wear the tie-suit. That will pretty much guarantee that I'm setting up a corn-dog stand right next to Greg after I graduate, but he says it's not so bad.

Woman Attempts to Sneak Lavender Dress Shirt into Husband's Closet; Husband Insists he'll Wear it only with Boyfriend's Permission

Alas, it will be grudgingly returned to the store like so many sweater vests.

Mother-in-law sent Toby money for school clothes (he starts college on Tuesday!) and he asked me to accompany him as fashion consultant (I suspect mother-in-law had something to do with that). Of course, I was delighted to oblige. We loaded up. It was great fun.

Shad entered Car in the kitten war. Actually he entered her twice--once as "Car" and once as "Captain Fantastic."

Two Random Silly Compliments Not Enough to Break Ugly Juice's Funk

My friends, I have been cranky lately. I thought I'd spare you all the trouble by just not posting.

But I thought I'd share the two funny compliments I got today. First I got random email from Angela's brother Danny, who just got hired at a restaurant and is in a training class taught by my old general manager, Michael. Apparently, Michael told two stories about me in Danny's training class. Weird. The first story was when one of my tables couldn't find anything on the menu that they liked, so I brought them two Happy Meals (Well, why not? There was a McDonald's across the street, and I aim to please). The second story was about a table that complained because they ordered the whole duck, and they got all weirded out when it arrived at the table with the head still on it. I got to the table and they were freaking out. Now this is something I really have no patience with. If you're a meat-eater, my friend, you have to deal with the fact that all the meat you eat once had a head. Chickens don't run around all shrinkwrapped (or boneless and covered in breadcrumbs). I understand that many carnivores try to ignore the fact that their meat once had a head, and I can respect that, but when you order something called a "whole duck," that's what you're going to get. Well, I did not actually give the table the all-meat-once-had-a-head lecture. I didn't say a word. I just snapped the head off the duck and walked away. (Later, the duck head would become a great source of amusement as a puppet or garnish for banana split.) Is this Michael's idea of model server behavior? Maybe they were examples of how NOT to be a good server. (By the way, -j., do you think he's still telling the story about when you didn't show up for your shift because you had high-tailed it for New Orleans?) Anyhoo, I guess meat is just not something I'm very squeamish about. My family butchers their own meat, and I've seen the killing of chickens and have had to pluck them. My family fishes all the time and, growing up, I'd help clean them. Now my folks have a little hobby farm and they have a few cows and pigs and whatnot. And we name these animals. And then we kill them and eat them. And then we have packages of meat in the freezer that say, "Lightning Burgers," "Snowball Steak," and "Ground Lovey." Also speaking of meat, I forgot to mention that I finished that cadaver book, Stiff, and thought it was awesome.

I digress...

The second thing happened when I was walking to my car after work. I was in the office until 10 p.m., so of course walking down Hennepin at night is always a treat. I was crossing the street, and heard a car honk, so I looked up and there were two guys driving by and waving at me. Nice. There was a guy standing at the other side of the street, who saw it happen and was now looking at me. So I gave him a little amused, raised-eyebrow-head-shake look (the look you would give your friend when the person in front of you at the store is paying in nickels). He smiled back. When I reached his side of the street, he said, "It's because you are attractive woman." He had a cute foreign accent and rolled his r's. OOOoooooh. Say it again, say it again.

Similarities Between Law Review Paper and Those Hairballs Car has been Puking Up Quite Astonishing; Woman Submits Comparative Photo to Smithsonian

So, I was sitting here banging away at the old laptop, as it were, and I totally missed the Cartoonist Conspiracy picnic and was feeling quite sorry for myself. So I took a 10-minute break to look on Craig's List (must always be vigilant for good freebies, you know). Well, I saw a yard sale advertised on there--a woman was getting rid all her sewing stuff: two machines, tons of fabric, notions, a dress form, PLUS "thousands of vintage dresses." REALLY? This was the sale made for me! Was I being baited? I looked quickly over my shoulder to see if someone was playing a trick on me, but no one was in sight. The sale was in Uptown, a mere 5-minute drive away. I had allotted myself a 1-hour break in the afternoon, so I packed up immediately and went to check it out. Alas, she had closed up early and there was no sale. Dang. Then I was feeling sorry for myself again so I stopped by Butter, a.k.a. "Home of the City's Tastiest Eclairs" and grabbed a little treat for the trip back. Then, I found a little estate sale, so of course I stopped. I got a vase that is so ugly it's cute, several packages of bedsheets still unopened circa 1970 (for quilting), several packages of handkerchiefs still unopened circa 1950, picture frames, books, etc. It was a total load-up. We had graduation at our school yesterday, and the flowers were still out. I'd been eyeing them up. No one was coming for them, and they were just rotting away. So I took my nifty new so-ugly-it's-cute vase, filled if full of dahlias, gardenias, and roses, smuggled it into the library, and plunked it on my desk. Now that I have flowers and a car full of yard sale goodies, maybe I can clean up that paper a bit...

Quasi-Emancipated Student Subjects Self to Utmost Humiliation of Being Found in Library on Friday Night

Oh, how embarassing. I need to spend my Friday night in the library working on The Paper because I ignored it all week. (Oh, yeah, I took yesterday off all right, and just pissed the day away). It's bad enough to get caught in the library on a Friday night during the regular school year, but in the summer?! Dang! Should I wear a paper bag over my head, or a ski mask?

Blogger Indulges Self by Continuing to Blather On and On About Books

Just for kicks, since we're getting all book-happy, here's a list of my favorite books ever:

1. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, by John Berendt
2. House of the Spirits, by Isabel Allende
3. The World According to Garp, by John Irving
4. Love in the Time of Cholera, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
5. Still Life with Woodpecker, by Tom Robbins

Here are a few books I read recently (OK, last summer) that I thought were great:

1. Nickel & Dimed, by Barbara Ehrenriech
2. Devil in the White City, by Erik Larson
3. Reading Lolita in Tehran, by Azar Nafisi
4.Empress Orchid and Madame Mao, by Anchee Min
5. Stones from the River and (sequel) Floating in my Mother's Palm, by Ursula Hegi

Reader Patiently Waits Two Years for Book, Dismisses Suggestion to "Just Buy it at Store"

I love libraries. I just went online to request that six books be delivered to my local library for pickup. I love that I can do that online, for free. Nice. One of the books I requested, The Kite Runner, currently has 138 holds on it. How long do you think it will take to get that one? By my calculations, it should be ready for me right about the time I pass the Bar.

I also requested The Mermaid Chair (102 Holds) (I didn't read Secret Lives of Bees, but people seemed to like it so I guess it's time to check this author out); The Tipping Point (38 Holds) (Hm. Looks hokey, but it's been on the NY Times bestseller list for so long, I guess it's time to pick it up); Actual Innocence (nonfiction about capital punishment); The Devil's Highway (nonfiction about Mexicans immigrating to the US through Arizona); and Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them (it's about time to read it. I love Al Franken. It should be noted that there are 20 copies of this one currently available).

Anyone have a good book to suggest? Has anyone read any of the above?

Little Brother Turns 20

My little brother turns 20 today! Happy B-Day Pete! Pete just finished his first year at UND, and his workload sounded really crummy--all science and math! Boo! I'll take law school over that crap any day.

Dreams of Utopian Summertime Bliss Dashed by "The Paper"

Tomorrow night I'm going to hear a lecture by one of my favorite authors, Isabelle Allende. I can't wait! Hopefully they will still have standby tickets, I can't afford the regular tickets. Ah, the joy of being a student. I suppose I can chuck my U of M ID now, I did get plenty of mileage out of that sucker.

Meanwhile, The Paper is going very slowly. That's an understatement. I have read only 4 pages of the first case. I can't get into it. I'm going to pack it up. Why fight it? It'll get done... later. Maybe I'll take Thursday off work to work on it.

Fun stuff for me at the office these days. I spent the day writing a memo of law and moving papers for a case about a guy who got beat up in prison. I also have an 8th Circuit Reply brief to do, and a BIA brief--those are both for asylum cases.

Unfortunately, Phil is out of town for the rest of the week, so I couldn't bait him into insulting my new purse.

Crafter Attempts to Make Fashion Statement with Grandma's Old Towels

I will bring towel purse #2 to the office tomorrow and see how it goes. After my initial report on towel purse #1, it started to grow on me (that one was yellow & white). I put some buttons on it that I got at the thrift store and gave it to Doobs for a graduation gift. My crafty little sisters also gave her a purse that they had made out of Sarah's old corduroy pants. It was super neat. I guess you could say Doobs bagged some good bags.

Excelsior Proves to be Lovely Vacation Destination

I had such a great time Sunday night at my friend Matty's new wine bar/cafe in Excelsior--318 Cafe (318 Water Street, Excelsior). It was about a half-hour drive from home, but it was so worth the trip. It was such a relaxed, classy atmosphere and we had great wine and watched Joy Dragland sing. Joy is such a cool cat, we used to work together and keep in touch sporadically. She's super talented and is so fun to watch. She's living in NY right now, so if you're ever in NY, check out her web site and go watch her, I promise you'll have a great time. Also, if you ever are in Excelsior, check out Matty's restaurant. He has live music 5 nights a week (Tues-Sat) and I think Wednesday nights are jazz nights.

I'd also like to give some props to Dictionary.com--their words of the day have been pretty lame lately, so I was very pleased to see this one come up:

triskaidekaphobia \tris-ky-dek-uh-FOH-bee-uh\, noun:
A morbid fear of the number 13 or the date Friday the 13th.

Be sure to use it in a sentence three times today to make sure it becomes a part of your vocabulary, M-kay?

Sister Turns Ripe 28 Today

Happy birthday to my big sis!

I've shared a room with Kate more than I've shared a room with anybody. I miss having her closet around, among other things. There's nothing quite like a big sister. Happy birthday, Kakie!

Minneapolis Woman Uncovers Corporate Plan to Flood Homes With Phone Books

I hate phone books! I suppose they are an important part of the economy, with the ads and all, but I think it's about time for them to go extinct. Or at least, give me the option to decline delivery. I already have two big stacks of old phone books in the closet, and received another bag on my doorstep this week with three huge books inside. I would much rather just look the numbers up online. All this does is promote waste. I don't know what to do with them. I'm not going to throw them in the trash, so I just pile them up in the closet. I'm going to have to buy a bigger house to fit all these stupid books. Is that their plan? Are they in cahoots with corporate builders and creaters of storage products? Can someone give me the skinny about recycling these buggers? Can I just rip off the front cover and put them out with the newspapers?

Bag-Maker Suspects "Towel Purse" Short of the Mark

I made the towel purse. It's kind of funky, but I'm not sure if I love it. I'd post a photo, but actually Shad does all of my photo-posting because I'm incompetent at crap like that, and as we know he is out of town at the moment playing laser tag. I also made a little zipper-pouch to match (had some towel left over), which is probably neater than the purse.

I think I will bring the purse to work on Monday and see what Phil says about it. You see, Phil frequently prosecutes me for wearing clothes and/or accessories that are, as he puts it "short of the mark." (Except, with his Missouri accent, it sounds like "Shart of the mark.") {Quick update--Phil is the senior partner in the office, he's the guy who pulled me out of the coffee shop and hired me. Greg is my boss.} I am taken to task on a daily basis if my accessories don't match, or if I appear to be wearing new shoes--I am also frequently charged with consuming too much sugar (what can I say?) and ordering "expensive" coffee (he has on two occasions called my parents to report that I am depleting his retirement fund through my insistence on ordering the "Mocha-laka-frappachino-latte" instead of regular coffee). Usually these matters are settled without a trial. Greg is retained as permanent counsel to represent me in these matters. However, occasionally, the matters lead to prolonged litigation. There was, for example, the chocolate cake incident, in which I brought a homemade chocolate cake to the office, which Misti said was the best ever, and which Phil made some comment about it not being very good. Greg and I sued for defamation and sought punitive damages for intentional infliction of emotional distress. We eventually settled (after approximatlely 7 months of negotiation) for $5 cash, a Starbucks gift card, and a formal apology. There was also "The Great Bag-Bag Trial" which occurred last summer. I had made a nifty little purse for myself made fully of recycled shopping bags folded into squares and sewn together--it is a lovely purse, I still have it but don't use it very often. Phil said it was "shart of the mark." Greg was at court, so I had to proceed pro se. Negotiations continued all morning and culminated in a trial lasting the entire lunch period. Phil, of course was the prosecutor, I was the defendant, Rachel acted as judge, and Teri served as expert witness for both sides. After passionate closing arguments on both sides, we turned to the table next to us to decide the case. As it turned out, they were designers, and ruled in favor of the defendant. Phil was sanctioned for his frivolous prosecution and was forced to carry the Bag-Bag over his shoulder all the way back to the office.

Emancipated Student Practices Saying "I'm a 2L now!" Until it Rolls off Tongue Just So

I am enjoying my freedom immensely.

I went to work for a few hours today, then stopped by school to pick up the Law Review Write-on Packet. This is what I refer to as "The Paper" when I say I'll be done with school, because I still have "The Paper." The Paper is a competition to get on Law Review. Basically you work your ass off to write this paper, and then they select the best to be on Law Review. 20 people get in. Frankly, Law Review doesn't sound like much fun, but the profs make it sound like if you don't do it you'll end up selling corndogs on Nicollett Mall. So, anyhoo, The Paper is due May 23rd.

Anyhoo, back to business. After I finished the mamby-pamby stuff at work and picked up the other stuff, I went home and took a nap with the kitties. Car is such a fastidious cleaner, a real princess, and The Wiz is such a disappointment to her, I think, The Wiz is kind of like a teenage street girl, drug-addict-type, she's so skinny and mangey and really needy. Also she's not terribly concerned with cleanliness (and she farts) so Car cleans her off all the time. So I didn't get much of a nap because Car spend the whole time furiously cleaning herself and then The Wiz. And The Wiz is also kinda jumpy and you just feel kind of sorry for her. Right now she's freaking out in front of the speakers. She hates Mary Lucia. (Did I mention she is intuitive?) She's pawing at the speakers, she doesn't understand where the voice is coming from, but she knows she doesn't like it.

I went to run some errands, and unfortunately, Arc's Value Village is very close to the bank so I'm afraid I had to stop in. I bagged some nice summer shirts and about 2 yards of super groovy retro silk fabric, white with a red and black design. ($2.29). But I'm most excited about the towels. I've been trying to get my hand on these towels--(circa 1970?)--that have woven flowers in them--um, they're hard to describe. Anyhoo, I got two of them. I'm not quite sure what to make with them yet. A really weird quilt? A handbag? I think I'll make a little bag with them. Maybe tonight.

I made my favorite smoothie for dinner (1 c. orange juice, 1 frozen banana, 1 c. frozen strawberries, wheatgrass powder) and picked out a good book to read. It needed to be a decidedly not-lawschool-y book. I settled on Dave Eggers--A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. First I have to finish Stiff, though. I've settled into a comfy chair and poured a glass of Zonnebloem Pinotage, something Dave recommended.

I have a fun weekend planned. Tomorrow night, Julie is coming over and we are going to drink lots and lots of wine and conspire about crafty summer activities, and I think I have to teach her how to sew in a zipper. Sunday I am doing the AIDS Walk, then going to Kate's for Greta's college graduation party (Congrats, Doobs!), then Amy and I are going to Restaurant 318 in Exelsior to watch Joy Draglund sing. She's a jazz singer currently living in NY, I think, and is really awesome.

Spouse Suspicious about "Business Trip"

The Big Time Attic guys are going on a highly suspect "business trip" this weekend--they are designing an amusement park, and their client is taking them to do some "research." Does this seems suspicious to anyone else? I, for one, suspect this "business trip" will involve bumper cars and cotton candy.

Meanwhile, I am plugging away on my very last exam. I probably have only two hours left on this sucker and then I will be done. In fact, by the time you read this, I will probably be done. Sweet!

Parking Tickets Cost $10 Less in Ramsey County than Hennepin County

That pretty much sums up my day. Some good. Some bad.

I can't sleep lately. Last night I was awake for at least three hours, staring at the ceiling. The night before it was four hours. That stinks--I really needed to rest up for the exam. I should have gotten myself a snort of brandy, as Grandpa Vince would say. I got up early this morning to drive to St. Paul and watched my boss argue a case at the 8th Circuit Court of Appeals. This is a huge case for our office, so it was fun to watch. And by the way--those 15-minute meters outside of the courthouse? Yeah, they mean it.

Then I went to school and took the Con Law exam. It was okay--It's hard to feel very great after the exam is done--I try not to talk about it with anybody, just keep my trap shut for my own sanity. If you start talking about it, you start second-guessing yourself, thinking you made all of the wrong arguments, etc. There's nothing to be done about it, so why talk about it. The only thing to do, really, is go to the bar. Which is what we did.

Now I'm at home studying Property--that is my last exam, and it's on Thursday--part in-class, part take-home. The prof in this class was anti-Socratic, which means in part that he only takes volunteers (hence, no bullet-dodging). Consequently, I frequently skipped the reading assignments. I didn't realize how far behind I was until I sat down to catch up and realized among other things there were two entire chapters I didn't read--probably 3 full weeks of class. (Including, GL, the whole landlord-tenant chapter. I know, it's so shameful). I have a theory though, that if you have a decent level of intelligence, you can do fine in law school just by showing up to class every day. You won't be at the top of your class, but you'll get your degree. So I did show up every day. Sure, I sat there and read the NY Times online, and all of your blogs, but I did show up. That counts for something, in my book.

Oh! And I almost forgot. Princess 2's cell phone went off TWICE during the exam today. Of course!

Alison Krauss has Voice of Angel

Okay, maybe you already knew that. It's just that I had forgotten. I've been listening to the same songs all semester on my little MuVo portable mp3-player thingy because I've been too lazy to reload it. But, thanks to McGoose, I found free mp3s on Amazon.com! Being easily distracted from my Con Law studies, I went to the site and loaded up on Alison Krauss goodies. I've been listening to the songs over and over and over again. I saw her in concert in Sacramento a few years back and she was awesome. May I recommend "Maybe" and "New Favorite"? They're not new, but they're beautiful. Oh, yes, and "Every Time You Say Goodbye." Get that one, too.

OK, back to rational basis scrutiny and equal protection. Boring. But if you have any questions about it, let me know.

Aoun Returns After 15 Years of Exile

Whee hoo! Way to go, Lebanon! As you may know, I think the Lebanese are the most beautiful people in the world, so obviously I was happy to see Syria get the heck out of there.

I have prepared a few asylum cases for Christian Lebanese and was very affected by the oppression and terror they faced at the hands of the Syrians (e.g. "mysterious" murders, disappearances, etc.) and am very biased on the issue. One of our clients grew up in Beirut, and described--as a side note--watching missiles fly over his father's head as he watched him walk to work. He described how his mother stood on their balcony every day, watching his father until she couldn't see him any more, then waiting again at the end of the day to make sure he returned home. I mentioned to him that must have been a terrifying way to grow up. He seemed surprised that I would think so (he had not been in the U.S. very long at that time). He said, Oh, no, it was just normal.

OK, I know that watching bombs fly over your father's head every day is not enough to qualify as past persecution for the purpose of obtaining asylum in the United States (Ah, well, if I made the rules, it would be). But still, how can you prepare an affidavit describing past persecution when you are coming from completely different starting points, to wit: Growing up, Ugly Juice's biggest fear, was, oh, who knows? Getting my name on the board? Being late for the bus? Having to eat fried eggs for breakfast? Dang.

Woman Shamelessly Plugs Big Time Attic's Upcoming Graphic Novel and Encourages Everyone to Stop by Big Brain Comics Saturday to Get Autographs

Free Comic Book Day is tomorrow!

That's right, kids across the country will be lining up at their local comic retailers to load up on free funny books. If you're local, you should head on over to Big Brain Comics, at 1027 Washington Ave, in Minneapolis (over by Grumpy's). Obviously, you never need a special reason to patronize Michael's store, but tomorrow is extra special 'cuz Shad, Zander, and Kevin will be there, signing Free Comic Book Day copies of "Bone Sharps, Cowboys, and Thunder Lizards."

By the way, if you haven't reserved your copy of their graphic novel yet, you should do it now!

National Public Radio has featured "Bone Sharps, Cowboys, and Thunder Lizards" on its website with a link to Amazon.com for pre-orders. This is kind of a big deal, since Amazon.com won't usually let small publishers like theirs list until the book is actually published. NPR used its significant power to put the book up there without even asking, which was awful nice. If you order it now, it will hopefully show NPR/Amazon how much everyone loves graphic novels and BTA, which will hopefully lead to more press coverage down the road. Oh, and, a portion of the proceeds gets kicked back to support NPR. Doesn't that just make you feel warm and fuzzy?

In addition, the book promises to be very entertaining and provide much edification. I should know, I asked it.

So, click HERE to pre-order. It's easy! Or, Click HERE. Or HERE. Or HERE. (On the right side, follow the link through the box that says "Purchase Featured Books.")

But if you have a nice indy comic retailer in your area, like Big Brain Comics, for example, DON'T click here. Just wait until the book comes out in the Fall and pick it up then.

Ugly Juice Solicits Information about Silly Typing Habits

Quick quiz:

You're typing and you see that you misspelled something about seven words back. Do you:

A. Delete back, fix it, and retype everything again.

B. Use the mouse to go back and click on the word, fix it, and return to where you left off.

C. Ignore it (or not notice it in the first place).

(Personally, I'm in Camp A. In my head, I know it's a waste of time to retype everything again, but I can't stop myself.)

Student Eager to Read Morbid-Looking Book About Human Cadavers

Has anyone read Stiff, by Mary Roach? I just picked it up from the library; I was on a waiting list for it for several weeks. (I needed to have some real reading waiting for me after I turn in my last exam next Friday). Matt said it was morbid, sick, and funny. YES! I think I'm going to love it.

Passage of Time Does Nothing to Dampen Love Affair Between Ugly Juice and Oxy Clean

I'm ready to grow old with Oxy Clean. We will sit side by side peering at the neighbors through the picture window and watch birds and airplanes fly by. I will croon sweet words showing my unfettered love and devotion to Oxy Clean long after I get dentures and have to start wearing a diaper. What spurs this sudden outpouring of affection, you ask? Being in a celebratory mood after completing the Crim Exam, and not yet ready to jump into Con Law, I decided to do some sewing this afternoon. I've had a really great spring green linen knit fabric sitting around for a few months and I've been dying to cut it all up and turn it into something. So, I sewed a cute little summer shirt and was so pleased with myself that I put it on right away, and THEN, I went downstairs and cooked some pasta with red sauce. (Aha! You see where this is going, don't you?) Welp, of course I splashed pasta sauce on the shirt. I will admit that as one of the world's biggest klutzes, even that would be the very fastest I have ever ruined a brand new piece of clothing. BUT! TADA! Oxy saved the day once again.

As Hours Pass, Student Feels Less Chipper About 24-Hour Exam

Dude, they were not kidding about the exam taking 23-1/2 hours. Moving into the 13th hour, I am just getting started on the 2nd half of it. Actually am feeling like it would be a good time to just kill self. Wait! Where is Crunch Time? I need Life-Saving Help!

Ugly Juice Takes Break from Exam to Post Article of Concern

Well, the Crim Law exam is actually pretty fun. I picked it up at 9 a.m. and will be poring over it until 9 a.m. tomorrow. It deals with tons of heroin, conspiracy, murder, anarchist reading communes, and crazy people! Yes! Since this is pretty much what I deal with every day, it's a piece of cake. Wait, no, uh, just kidding. Anyhoo, I decided to take a little break to check the news and was shocked to find the article pasted below. As a crusader for justice and equal rights for all that is ugly, I'm sure you can understand my concern.

Ugly Children May Get Parental Short Shrift
By NICHOLAS BAKALAR (NY Times)

Parents would certainly deny it, but Canadian researchers have made a startling assertion: parents take better care of pretty children than they do ugly ones.

Researchers at the University of Alberta carefully observed how parents treated their children during trips to the supermarket. They found that physical attractiveness made a big difference.

The researchers noted if the parents belted their youngsters into the grocery cart seat, how often the parents' attention lapsed and the number of times the children were allowed to engage in potentially dangerous activities like standing up in the shopping cart. They also rated each child's physical attractiveness on a 10-point scale.

The findings, not yet published, were presented at the Warren E. Kalbach Population Conference in Edmonton, Alberta.

When it came to buckling up, pretty and ugly children were treated in starkly different ways, with seat belt use increasing in direct proportion to attractiveness. When a woman was in charge, 4 percent of the homeliest children were strapped in compared with 13.3 percent of the most attractive children. The difference was even more acute when fathers led the shopping expedition - in those cases, none of the least attractive children were secured with seat belts, while 12.5 percent of the prettiest children were.

Homely children were also more often out of sight of their parents, and they were more often allowed to wander more than 10 feet away.

Age - of parent and child - also played a role. Younger adults were more likely to buckle their children into the seat, and younger children were more often buckled in. Older adults, in contrast, were inclined to let children wander out of sight and more likely to allow them to engage in physically dangerous activities.

Although the researchers were unsure why, good-looking boys were usually kept in closer proximity to the adults taking care of them than were pretty girls. The researchers speculated that girls might be considered more competent and better able to act independently than boys of the same age. The researchers made more than 400 observations of child-parent interactions in 14 supermarkets.

Dr. W. Andrew Harrell, executive director of the Population Research Laboratory at the University of Alberta and the leader of the research team, sees an evolutionary reason for the findings: pretty children, he says, represent the best genetic legacy, and therefore they get more care.

Not all experts agree. Dr. Frans de Waal, a professor of psychology at Emory University, said he was skeptical.

"The question," he said, "is whether ugly people have fewer offspring than handsome people. I doubt it very much. If the number of offspring are the same for these two categories, there's absolutely no evolutionary reason for parents to invest less in ugly kids."

Dr. Robert Sternberg, professor of psychology and education at Yale, said he saw problems in Dr. Harrell's method and conclusions, for example, not considering socioeconomic status.

"Wealthier parents can feed, clothe and take care of their children better due to greater resources," Dr. Sternberg said, possibly making them more attractive. "The link to evolutionary theory is speculative."

But Dr. Harrell said the importance of physical attractiveness "cuts across social class, income and education."

"Like lots of animals, we tend to parcel out our resources on the basis of value," he said. "Maybe we can't always articulate that, but in fact we do it. There are a lot of things that make a person more valuable, and physical attractiveness may be one of them."

May Day at Powderhorn Always Good Time, Especially When Blood Full of Bloody Marys

May day was super fun. Dave & Jenny made delicious food, as per usual, and then we walked through the park and watched the parade. We all were annointed with hearts on our heads. I loved the parade, so many fun characters, puppets, stilt-walkers, naturists in barrels, people dancing with strings, etc. I smiled so much.

That's LA (with the glow only a soon-to-be mother can have) and me (with a glow that comes from drinking several bloody marys before noon):







My favorite people were the "I shop therefore I am" people. We drove through Woodbury on Wednesday, on our way out to the St. Croix study retreat. I haven't been there in a while, and apparently it has turned into a giant farm growing conglomerate boxes full of retail puke. Gross.