Juice Makes Back-to-School Transition With Typical Grace and Style

My first day of school is proceeding just wonderfully. (Those of you who speak fluent uglyjuice may go ahead and wipe the sarcasm off the screen right now. Go ahead, just use your sleeve. OK.)

First, I couldn’t sleep last night. I was awake until 2:30 a.m. When I finally fell asleep, I had terrible nightmares. People were being killed, I was being stalked by a ghost-like knife-wielding scary thing, and everywhere I tried to hide, either someone was getting killed or I was being chased. I woke myself up when I actually shouted “Help!” out loud. I spent the next half hour staring at the ceiling as the sound of my own voice continued to ring in my ears. Dang, that was scary. I very, very, very rarely have nightmares. I stayed awake for the next half hour thinking about it until my alarm went off at 6:30.

Shad and I decided to start the South Beach Diet today, so I decided to make a pot of chili before school. I had some Bear Creek chili mix in the cupboard and decided to use it. I discovered after throwing it in the pot that there was rice in the chili mix, so we can’t eat it. I had no choice but to continue making it and then I just packed it up and crammed it in the freezer. That had taken so much time that I didn’t have time to make an actual lunch for myself, so I just grabbed a bag of carrots. Then I discovered that I’m not supposed to eat carrots, either. Ugh.

I couldn’t drive my Kia to school because I was running late and didn’t have time to put air in the front tire, which for some reason had become flat.

Then I spilled a drop of coffee on my white linen pants because I was drinking and driving. Then someone crossed the street against the light, causing me to slam on my brakes, which sent the rest of the coffee onto the floor of the car.

Then I got to class (2 minutes early! Yay!) and discovered that I had left the reading assignment on my bedside table.

Walking to the library, I tripped up the stairs right in front of a group of new 1Ls.

Then I went to the library to continue working on that 85-page reading assignment for Crim Pro. One of my classmates walked up to me and said, “I thought that book was supplemental reading?” What? I had been reading the wrong book this whole time, and hadn’t even opened the proper book, which is at home.

It’s not even noon yet.