Ugly Juice Located in Study Carrel in Far Corner of Library Basement

Q: Whoa, UJ, it’s been pretty quiet around here. Where the heck have you been?

UJ: Geoff, Matt, and I decided to get away from school, Paperchase-style. We holed up in Matt’s cabin on the St. Croix river, drank a ton of coffee, and studied like total nerds for a few days straight.

Q: Whoa, geeky.

UJ: Yeah.

Q: So, is it true that you’re sending your cats to Hazeldon for treatment?

UJ: That’s right. In retrospect, the signs were all there, but we didn’t realize what a problem it was until I walked into the kitchen today and saw them rolling around in the weed with a crazed look in their eyes. We’re thinking they’ll benefit from a 12-step program.

Q: How long has this been going on?

UJ: Hard to say. Somehow they found a way to get the catnip from the top of the refrigerator.

Q: Dang.

UJ: Yeah. They climbed up on the fridge, found the bag, dumped it out all over the kitchen, and went nuts. Then they passed out.

Q: I understand you’ve taken some time off work.

UJ: I took two-and-a-half weeks off for exams. However, my Starbucks litigation business is ongoing, and I just settled another case on Thursday.

Q: Two more free coffee coupons?

UJ: Yup. Breaking down the corporation, two cups of coffee at a time.

Q: Well, that sounds great, UJ. So, is there any fun scheduled for you in the near future?

UJ: I'm getting out for a few hours tomorrow to go to Dave and Jen’s May Day party at Powderhorn. They’re having some people over for brunch, then we’re going to the parade.

Q: I’ve heard Dave and Jen make killer food.

UJ: Heck yes they do.

Q: Whatever happened with Chuck's campaign?

UJ: It was intense, but he ended up losing. He was competing against about 5 or 6 candidates initially. He tied with a 2L and there was a runoff election, which was called off due to some shenanigans, and then there was a final election, which he lost. I am impressed with how far he got, however; people really responded to our Marxist agenda, and everyone conceded that he had the best publicity campaign.

Q: So, what’s your next exam?

UJ: I’ve got Crim Law Tuesday. It’s a notorious 24-hour take-home exam. We’ve heard from the 2Ls & 3Ls that it will take about 23-1/2 hours.

Q: Dude, that stinks. Well, we’ll let you get back to it. Thank you for taking some time to provide an update for your readers.

UJ: Please tell my readers that I love and miss them and can’t wait to come back.