Minneapolis Woman Slops Around In Kitchen Like Twelve-Year-Old

Tonight I was spending way too much time preparing a meal for one person and shamelessly slopping all over the kitchen. And the best part is I didn't clean it up, here's why: I promised myself that I could get a cleaning person as soon as I started my job. She'll come once every two weeks, starting Friday. Happy, happy, happy, happy. It's possible that the joy of having someone else scrape that butternut squash off the side of the stove may overcome whatever misery I endured through three years of law school.

(Incidentally, and this is really a huge long sidenote that I am way too lazy to write: I was so fraught with guilt when I called the cleaning lady. It seemed so naughty and bad and lazy. I felt like I was hiring someone to love my parents for me or something. In fact the first time I called, she didn't answer, and I hung up without leaving a message, I almost chickened out, as though what I was actually trying to do was buy a kilo of cocaine. Then I tried to convince myself that I was being ridiculous, that I was not born to scrub my own toilet bowl, that Shad is the biggest fan of the idea and he would do it himself if he was here, etc. etc. etc. And when I finally talked to her it was the most hilarious and awkward conversation... I wish I had taped the whole event, it was so bizarre in a perfectly mundane way. All I can say without expanding further is that I think this is a woman thing.)

Okay, and here is a thing that has me absolutely flummoxed, befuddled, confused, flabbergasted, etc. etc. etc.: On Saturday I picked two heads of purple cabbage out of my garden and put them in a container in my refrigerator. Today when I looked in the fridge, there was only one head of cabbage. I am positive that I did not eat that other head of cabbage myself. WHAT THE EFF HAPPENED TO MY CABBAGE???? Did the kitty break into the fridge and spend the day making some coleslaw for herself? Ghosts? Refrigerator mice? Did I get up and eat the cabbage in my sleep? (Impossible, I can't sleep, how can I sleepwalk if I can't sleep?) I just don't know what to think. Shad has been out of town for over a week, and it has been just me and the kitty. It's possible that I am losing my mind.