Frustrated Associate Spends Entire Day Fruitlessly Searching for Elusive "Magic Case"

I am currently seeking investors for my new business, which is called "Twelfth Circuit." We specialize in writing and publishing perfect cases for young associates to buy and present to partners who don't seem to realize the case doesn't and can't possibly exist. Perhaps I will bribe disenchanted West employees to get the cases inserted into the reporters and databases. The mafia may or may not be involved. I obviously can't reveal any more information.