As Temperature Drops Below Zero, Juice Asks Self For Thousanth Time Why the Hell She Still Lives Here

I know, people love Minnesota. Four seasons and all that BS. Blah blah blah. Well, I am not buying it. I hate it here. I do. Why am I still here? It is below zero, people. My car will not start. My skin is dry and rashy and it hurts. If I accidentally smile while walking outside, my teeth freeze. Humans were not meant to exist in these conditions. Are you people crazy or something? Why do you stay here? We don't have to put up with this. Let's give the state back to the gophers and the fish and just bail. There are palm trees and beaches awaiting us! Ugh. I hate this weather so much. I don't want to leave the house. I swear one winter I am simply going to snap and I will jump in my little Kia and drive to California and stay there. If my family didn't live here, I would have done just that long ago. Dang it. Maybe I'll go buy myself some long underwear tomorrow.