Source of Domestic Chaos Revealed: Laundry Fairy and Bogeyman Close Ranks

Part One: Laundry Fairy and Bogeyman Found Engaging in Clandestine Love Affair

How did I get such bum luck? I know for a fact that other people have respectful and dutiful laundry fairies. I see evidence of it when I go to their homes. Neatly folded and stacked towels, for example. Clean, pressed clothing. Matching socks. My laundry fairy is a lazy, inept, two-timing punk. This afternoon, down to my last few pairs of undies, I decided to brave the trip through the laundry room. There was a fortress built of dirty clothes--about a month's worth--and I will admit, it was difficult to wade past the incredibly huge mound to get to the washing machine. I put on my goggles and ploughed through the wreckage. And there they were, all cozied up in the corner of the laundry room. That lecherous, traitorous, vindictive, scheming, villainous wench. Not only did she turn all the other domestic fairies against me, now she's closed ranks with the Bogeyman. I must separate those miscreants before they destroy every bit of sanity I have left.

Part Two: Ugly Juice Declares War on Laundry Fairy

Actually, I don't need to be terrorized by these nefarious villains in my own home. I'm fighting back.

I'm stealing her Oxiclean.

Image of UJ glancing fiendishly out of corner of eye while pouring economy-size bucket of Oxi down toilet...flushes...bubbles spill over...suds begin to fill house...