Bad Pun Yields Digressive Blog Entry

Those who have had the pleasure of meeting my delightful Grandpa Clarence tend to be, on the whole, more forgiving/accepting of my propensity to conceive of (and, more egregiously, to deliver) bad puns. It's an unfortunate genetic predisposition.

I had a good one (or a bad one, which in this context is really a good one) this afternoon. However, since it was delivered via text-message, I missed out on the satisfaction of seeing the smirk and or eye-roll that accompanies a good (bad) pun. The classy thing to do would be to just let it go, but it made me think of other things, too, that will inevitably lead to a rambling blog entry.

Anyway, here it is: When my breakfast plans were threatened by an early morning meeting, I respond "Early meetings are for the birds."

BA-DING BOOM! (Anybody? Anybody?)

Does anybody even use "for the birds" in its colloquial sense ("That's crap!") anymore? Well, here is where things get digressive. As I was smirking to myself about that stupid pun, I started thinking about birds, and about that phrase, and I can't think of anyone that has used it ever except my mom. Which--hey, on the topic of birds!--made me think of another word that I have only ever heard uttered by my mom: "Shitbirds." As kids, we'd get this when we reallllllly made her mad--tracking mud into a freshly swept kitchen, that sort of thing. "You little shitbirds!" It was such a wonderful and repulsive word! I'm sure we felt really bad, bad enough to stop eating all the cookie dough when her back was turned, but I don't really remember. It wasn't until I was in my early twenties that I realized I have no idea what a shitbird is.

No fear! Urban dictionary comes to the rescue. (Rated R, as you might imagine. Mothers, keep your children close.) The most accepted definition is: A completely useless individual who is unaware of his/her own complete uselessness. Ouch. Damn, mom, that's harsh. But I can't help respecting your vocabulary.

A search for "shitbird" on Merriam-Webster Online yields zero results. However, the dictionary offers several suggestions for words you might try instead. The second suggestion is: "shadberry."