Spouse Moonlights as Fashion Police
Will you all please help me out here. Shad is unable to appreciate the beauty of my new dress (Arc's Value Village, $5.99). He says it is "the freakish result of a night of passion between a bat and a tablecloth" and is embarassed to be seen with me in public.
In addition to being a perfectly lovely and aesthetically pleasing specimen, my new dress is quite comfy. It could be the sickness-induced haze or the intensity with which I beelined for the cat food and NyQuil, but I truly believe that I received little more than a few sidelong glances when I wore the dress to the grocery store this evening. So it can't be that bad. And any wary looks that may have been cast in my direction can probably be attributed to the unfortunate pairing of athletic socks and mary janes under the dress.
It is the perfect patio-sitting dress, is it not?
posted by Ugly Juice @ 6:26 PM
13 comments
13 Comments:
Juice, you've gone too far this time.
That's a MOTHER-F'ING Mumu.
A MUMU, Juice.
Actually, the correct spelling is "muumuu." And the proper spelling if you'd like to use it as an adjective is "muumuulicious."
hmmmm... as a lover of outlandish things, and your choices of them.... i still think it'd be way hotter if you were 400lbs. and i don't recommend that.
It is OK if you wear it where no one, and I mean NO ONE, will ever see you (empty closets, dark basements, Britteny Spears concerts, etc.) Otherwise, this outfit has all the earmarks of a shower curtain.
I have 2 words:
Mrs.
Furley
Oh Jesus...PLEASE take down that picture! I can't go back here until it's safe again.
Really, it's not SO bad. What if you belt it? Or get big hair and long nails to even out the proportions?
It's, umm, interesting. Did you put curlers in your hair and wear orthopedic shoes when you went out in that?
I am honestly speechless. Though I have often--no constantly--been subject to fashion-police raids, harrassment, and beat-downs, even I cannot overlook this. That is absolutely the most hideous thing I have ever seen you wear. I think we need to put a bounty on that muumuu. I hereby offer a $10 reward to anyone who can bring me a substantial portion of that muumuu--perhaps three yards or so would be enough to prove that it came from that muumuu, and enough so that it would never be worn again, in any form, anywhere.
In Anna's defense, it's cut nearly to her shape but has these huge floral wings that hang down. It's a not a true-muumuuu..more of a faux-muu..a sham...
mu.
When Anna is attacked she can perch up and extend her floral frills to for a imitation of gastric bypass "after" photos which signals to any natural predator that she once belonged on the top of the food chain. Or at the front of the line at a fast food chain. In any case, said predator would skip this meal as she's surely infected with madness.
So, when referring to this outfit in the future, we should call it "shamulicious?"
Is UJ aware that there are rumors of a class action suit being filed because pictures of the shamuu caused cases of trauma-induced Blog Blindness?
I'll give you 15 bucks if you burn it. Bring the ashes in November.
Let the Shamuumuu auction begin....
Post a Comment
<< Home