Baby Secrets

Mood: Amused
Music: Pixies

Baby Secrets whispers in your ear and tells you you're her best friend. Her whisper sounds like Satan speaking through an aluminum tube. She's the kind of doll that you don't want to be stuck alone in a room with. Steve and Leigh Anne pull Baby Secrets out at parties and everyone starts to feel a little bit creepy. Press the heart on her chest and she tells you she loves you.

On Sunday, I was sitting at the kitchen table doing homework when the phone rang. Shad came downstairs and said we had to go look out the front door. There she was, Baby Secrets, standing right in front of our house. We shut the door and slowly backed away. Shad left the room and returned with full disaster gear--goggles, big earphones, an apron, a tarp, and two rakes.

Our neighbors are in the front yard talking to a visitor. These neighbors are known to bring their livingroom furniture and Nintendo in the backyard on warm summer evenings. They light firecrackers from their front porch year round. My concern is that when you emerge from your home on a Sunday afternoon wearing full disaster gear to apprehend a talking doll who has suddenly shown up on your front step, you lose the right to talk about how weird your neighbors are.